OH has awful table manners and it’s making me question our whole relationship

I lick my plates and bowls regularly, I wouldn’t do it in public but happily do it in front of DH and DCs.

My husband hates using a fork so uses a knife and pushes food onto it or loads a piece of bread up... it's very medieval.
He gets irritated by people who fanny about with food and use their knives like a pencil... can be annoying!
He says he likes to get stuck in!
I usually place something between me and him, water bottle, kitchen roll so I don't have to witness.
Your bf/ dh won't change, I think it all begins in childhood...

I would speak to him about it in case he’s willing to change, but dump him if not. I would definitely want to avoid a situation where he has to be « reminded » about his table manners like a 4 year old.

DP has a friend who eats at the speed of light, literally shovelling the food in and at the end of the meal he hoovers up everyone’s leftovers. He stopped doing this because his girlfriend told him to, but if she wasn’t there he’d be back to his usual self (she dumped him eventually!)

I remember being out in a group for a meal & someone did this.

Has to stop myself from shouting "wtf are you doing"?

I do remember as a kid having bread to "mop up" with though!

Thats what I was thinking if he has bad table manners it usually implies he has low hygiene and cleaning standards too

Table manners are something that are taught when young, or in this case, not. It's going to be really hard for him to change the habits he's learned around food, however, if you're going to dump him anyway, and you really really like him otherwise, there would be no harm in being absolutley honest and saying that you find the way he does xyz repulsive and it's just not the custom to eat in such a way.

If he's a keeper he will listen, try to understand your point, and take steps to do it differently. You might even be doing him a favour in the long run, as it mght sink in in time for his next relationship. My hunch is he might just carry on shovelling it in, but it might be worth a go, unless you're so turned off by the horrors you've seen so far, that your knees have slammed shut forever. Only you know.

From your update, he clearly can behave well when eating, he just can't be arsed with you. You're only 3 months in and he doesn't give a damn.

You have not been together long enough to call him your OH.
No way i could not put up with that.
Just reading your post makes me feel sick dirty man.
I went on a date with a man once that licked his plate i said if i want a dog id buy one i walked off and left him at the table.
Ick ick yuk yuk fuck that one of my many reasons to be single.

Is your boyfriend a golden retriever, OP?

I saw one eating an ice cream the other day and the manners sound similar.

I've been with my husband 18 years and if he started this buffoonery I'd divorce him lmao. Bad table manners are just festy, I can't cope with it, especially lip smacking and chewing with his mouth open.

He sounds like a complete muck savage.

He's not an "OH" it's been 3 months. You hardly know him so just dump him and tell him why.

Bleugh could you put up with a life time of this? I couldn't!!
As kids me and my brother used to lick our plates. Always got rollocked off my mum but we still did it 😅 waste not want not!!( I don't do it now btw)

Fuck that at least you have to tolerate it with a toddler until you get a grip with that but it only lasts a few years . A grown man , fuck even the first date .

@JosephineCornwall Don't give him an ultimatum because how long do you think it will last? Do you think once you've been married a few years and he's all comfortable, that he'll still show you the respect to rein it in?! Nope. He'll go back to his default

3 months??! God no. Dump and run. It will only become more annoying the longer you’re with him. My now ex dh used to eat his dinner laid out on his stomach on the floor, crouched over an Argos catalogue with a penknife held like a pen - he’d never use a normal knife. By the time we separated I was ready to murder him with the Argos catalogue and penknife. It used to drive me absolutely insane.

Sorry by mumsnet standards my expectations of a partner are pretty low but licking the plate absolute no from me. You either tell him that it’s a massive turn off or dump him no point in hinting.

Ugh my exh was like that. Would grab a big handful of crisps and shovel them into his gob, whilst making the most disgusting irritating noises whilst doing so. If I didn't finish off a pack of crisps he'd then go on to shovel the rest of mine in too. He did get his comeuppance for that one, one day though when he came in and grabbed the pack of watsits I'd been eating. Late DCat also loved watsits so I'd put about 5 on the floor for him. He ate 2 of them and then licked the coating off the other 2 and spat the last one out onto the floor. Rather than leaving them in case he came back to them I put them back into the packet and put the packet next to me on the settee whilst finishing watching my programme. In comes the exh, who grabs the bag feels there's some crisps inside and pours them into his mouth, doing all these stupid mmmm lovely noises. I just sat there and went oh btw the Cat had his mouth around those before spitting them back out again and just before he proceeded to lick the coating off he'd just been in his litter tray and had licked his bum seconds before. Yep it was my fault I shouldn't have left the packet there. Erm no you shouldn't just automatically assume that any packet of crisps I have left there weren't for me to go back to when I was ready to eat them again. Oh and he also licked plates too. Even did it in a restaurant in front of loads of people, but wouldn't be told how disgusting it was. Why I stayed for 14 years I do not know.

Just imagine sitting next to him at your wedding, all eyes on the top table, in your beautiful dress. You turn to your new husband...

And he's licking his plate.

He sounds a bit dim. Even if he was raised in a barn, he must have noticed by now that other people don’t eat like him. Drop him off at the farm and drive away quickly.

Omg I think you're dating my BIL! if you are he's a pig and has always been like that. He also is a covert narcissist. Just a cunt in general. Overly charming to begin with and generous but actually has achieved fuck all in his 39 years.

I'd dump and not look back

Nope. Dump.

I could not deal with this at all. It would really put me off them. Not just because people eating with their mouth open etc is revolting to witness, but because I think it really says something about someone's self-awareness and social skills (ie that they have very little of either).

Also, food and eating out is a big part of my life. Love cooking, love restaurants, love meals with friends and family - food is basically my love language. So for me, a partner's behaviour around food and eating is really important. So I couldn't date with someone who had disgusting table manners, but also I couldn't date someone who was a fussy, picky or anxious eater (even though that isn't their fault).

Darling - raise your standards.

He should still be on his best behaviour in the first 3 months of a relationship. It's only going to get worse. If you call him on it he might mask it for a couple of months but how do you think he's going to be eating 10 years down the line, when you're married with kids and if you're extra foolish reliant on his as the only income? If he doesn't think he should be behaving with table manners 3 months into a relationship, what do you think that says about how much respect he has for you?

I wish I'd have turned around and left when I visited my ex's house for the first time, nipped to the loo and found the bowl full of bright yellow pee😫- he was too lazy or disrespectful to flush it for his girlfriend staying over for the first time ffs. He left the door to a shared Air B&B bathroom open because he "wasn't going to be embarrassed if anybody saw him" and, as it turns out somehow managed to give me an STI despite us always using condoms. Turns out in news that will shock nobody reading this that he was a lazy and self-centred arsehole who had no respect for me or any innocent Air B&B bystanders

This is your warning shot. Don't waste time trying to get him to behave more respectfully towards you. Believe him when he shows you who he is.

He's too comfortable around you too fast op... Imagine what else he could let deteriorate or other bad habits creep in.. Just no. Throw him back.