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AIBU?

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Original poster

OH has awful table manners and it’s making me question our whole relationship

191 replies

JosephineCornwall · 14/05/2024 13:38

My bf of just over 3 months has shocking table manners….lip smacking, eating with mouth open, licking his knife, licking fingers (this is the worse one as it’s often and noisily and doesn’t use a napkin), licks the plate at the end of his meal…..you get my drift. In most other aspects I think we have the foundations for a LTR, however when I see him eating I want to dump him!! 😱 I have hinted at him that it’s not the done thing but am I being unreasonable to give him an ultimatum?

OP posts:
Needapadlockonmyfridge · 14/05/2024 17:53

LTB.
Definitely.

PerfectTravelTote · 14/05/2024 17:53

Do him the courtesy of explaining how you feel.

However, he's unlikely to change and it's likely to become a bigger and bigger issue for you. You might need to break up over it.

TipTableTop · 14/05/2024 17:52

Due to being raised in a different culture where people ate with their hands, I had appalling table manners. I wasn’t even used to sitting at a table, nor saying please or thank you. It was awful and embarrassing, but I didn’t know any better. Finally, a partner sat me down and set up the table and quietly and without fuss gave me a tutorial. Now my table manners can take me anywhere and I’m able to recognise and use various types of silverware.

I just needed a chance and some patience, I was very willing to change and of course did not want to embarrass myself or my companions!

Don’t make a big deal about it, just quietly sensitively and gently show him. Ignorance can be easily and quickly cured - table manners are not rocket science!

(I still eat how I like in the privacy of my home when I’m alone!)

Dunkinn · 14/05/2024 17:50

I've been thinking about it while reading this thread, and I reckon if you're in public and you're licking ANYTHING AT ALL (lollies and ice creams excepted) then I'm going to start judging you. How hard is it not to go around licking things?

DagnabbitDeputyDawg · 14/05/2024 17:49

If someone licks the plate, I take it as a sign that they enjoyed the food on it so much that they don't want to leave any.

But, then again, I would not go within 100 miles of anyone who values "manners" above everything else. And most Mumsnetters wouldn't be seen dead in my company.

AgnesX · 14/05/2024 17:49

Jeez... he wouldn't last 3 weeks with me never mind 3 months. Poor table manners are a complete turn off.

Nanny0gg · 14/05/2024 17:49

Guardiansoulmates · 14/05/2024 14:07

You can't ask him to change. This isn't going to work.

If he really hasn't a clue it would do him a favour to be shown.

If he knows what he's doing then he needs to be gone

mimmu · 14/05/2024 17:48

ClaudiaWinklepanda · 14/05/2024 17:36

Is licking a knife really that bad? Given that you put both a fork and a spoon into your mouth? For me that feels on a different level to licking a plate.

You be might cut your tongue.

CustardySergeant · 14/05/2024 17:47

ClaudiaWinklepanda · 14/05/2024 17:36

Is licking a knife really that bad? Given that you put both a fork and a spoon into your mouth? For me that feels on a different level to licking a plate.

In all my 70 years I have never seen anyone licking either knives or plates/dishes.

AStrawberryTart · 14/05/2024 17:45

Mimilamore · 14/05/2024 17:16

My husband hates using a fork so uses a knife and pushes food onto it or loads a piece of bread up... it's very medieval.
He gets irritated by people who fanny about with food and use their knives like a pencil... can be annoying!
He says he likes to get stuck in!
I usually place something between me and him, water bottle, kitchen roll so I don't have to witness.
Your bf/ dh won't change, I think it all begins in childhood...

What does he use to push the food onto his knife?

FrontEnd · 14/05/2024 17:43

I broke up with someone due to their appalling table manners. No regrets and thinking about it 30+ years on still makes my stomach churn.

Westfacing · 14/05/2024 17:42

Notellinganyone · 14/05/2024 17:17

I lick my plates and bowls regularly, I wouldn’t do it in public but happily do it in front of DH and DCs.

If there's something nice left on your plate can you not just take a spoon to get the very last drops - and how on earth do you lick a bowl?

allthemiddlechildrenoftheworld · 14/05/2024 17:40

@JosephineCornwall jesus christ in a dress!!! send him back to the jungle!!! just imagine what a wedding would be like??????

Westfacing · 14/05/2024 17:39

When there are complaints about table manners on MN it's usually about not holding cutlery correctly, no napkin, slurping, etc but this is the worse I've read!

I've never seen an adult licking their plate.

I don't know how you ever had more than a couple of meals with him.

twilightcafe · 14/05/2024 17:38

If his lack of table manners gives you the ick now, it'll never get better.

Combattingthemoaners · 14/05/2024 17:38

I would place my knife and fork down calmly and vacate the premises if I was you. I couldn’t date a farmyard animal.

ClaudiaWinklepanda · 14/05/2024 17:36

Is licking a knife really that bad? Given that you put both a fork and a spoon into your mouth? For me that feels on a different level to licking a plate.

JamieJ93 · 14/05/2024 17:34

All I can I imagine is him licking his plate with gravy dripping all down his chin 😬
Don't ask me why

GingerPirate · 14/05/2024 17:32

JJathome · 14/05/2024 14:10

That would give me the ick. Christ I’d have to move away from him in a cafe if I saw him. I abhor bad table manners, never mind that long list you’ve detailed. I’d be out. Game over first time I saw it.

👆

PiggieWig · 14/05/2024 17:30

He licks his plate? 🤮

Getonwitit · 14/05/2024 17:30

You are setting yourself up for a life time of embarrassment.

JJathome · 14/05/2024 17:29

Notellinganyone · 14/05/2024 17:17

I lick my plates and bowls regularly, I wouldn’t do it in public but happily do it in front of DH and DCs.

Tell me you don’t really. You’re just saying that for effect?

tara66 · 14/05/2024 17:25

You won't be able to take him anywhere - he'll have to stay back with the dogs as he's not socially acceptable. How would you ever teach manners to a child from such a relationship? Is he unhygienic too?

bluetopazlove · 14/05/2024 17:23

I do remember being in the company of only one other person who licked her knife , she was cousin and I had never ate in her company before . There were two other children there at the time(neither of the kids were hers , she didn't have any) . They never did this , they would have been into next week if they had . I was shocked .

OhshutupBrenda · 14/05/2024 17:20

I only read the first sentence and voted YANBU. Talk about icky!!!

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