Page 4 | OH has awful table manners and it’s making me question our whole relationship

Awaanbileyirheid · 14/05/2024 20:13

Nah, I dumped a boyfriend for that. God, it was vile. And he had lip scum (boaks)
What is it with some men, their mother didnt instill good manners!
Dump him!! I guarantee you won't be the first woman to do it!

MILTOBE · 14/05/2024 19:47

Do you really need to ask? I feel sick at the thought of eating with him. I can't believe he'd leave the bathroom in a good condition, or wash himself daily, either.

Don't you think you deserve better than a grown man who licks his plate?

Tulipj · 14/05/2024 19:43

It sounds trivial but this is the sort of thing hat puts you off physically in time.

Getonwitit · 14/05/2024 19:40

Westfacing · 14/05/2024 17:39

When there are complaints about table manners on MN it's usually about not holding cutlery correctly, no napkin, slurping, etc but this is the worse I've read!

I've never seen an adult licking their plate.

I don't know how you ever had more than a couple of meals with him.

My ex FIL used to do it all the time. He also used to pick his nose in public too.

bluetopazlove · 14/05/2024 19:00

Tosstyhat · 14/05/2024 18:56

I don't think I could have made it past the first date without saying "did you just lick the plate?"

Lol I would love to see this date 😁.

DisforDarkChocolate · 14/05/2024 18:59

Do everyone who eats with him a favour and tell him.

I'd never have got past the first meal.

Heyhoitsme · 14/05/2024 18:59

I once told a girl at school not to eat with her mouth open. She was hurt and I felt terrible for saying anything. On the other hand she might have stopped doing it!

bluetopazlove · 14/05/2024 18:58

I wouldn't even think to use my knife to use it to eat food , it's for cutting .

Teq · 14/05/2024 18:56

I was at a hotel recently and the man of the couple sitting near me at breakfast had the worst table manners. Very much like you describe and also burping audibly without even trying to cover his mouth.

I felt so embarrassed for his girlfriend. I’m guessing his poor manners and lack of respect don’t stop at the dining table.

Tosstyhat · 14/05/2024 18:56

I don't think I could have made it past the first date without saying "did you just lick the plate?"

ThatLibraryDebate · 14/05/2024 18:54

"food isn't designed to balance on a knife"

eh?!

Food isn't generally designed to balance on a fork either! 😂

I reckon I could eat plenty of foods with a table knife if I had to. Mashed potato wound be my first go-to, followed by a really thick stew.

Notellinganyone · 14/05/2024 18:42

@JJathome - I absolutely do ! I have impeccable manners in public and am a fully functioning member of society. My family also have pretty decent manners and they haven’t inherited my tendencies. I’m amazed there’s such outrage on here.

Nanny0gg · 14/05/2024 18:19

ClaudiaWinklepanda · 14/05/2024 18:07

Clearly my question was controversial! I've never licked a knife as far as I know, and I don't think I've seen an adult lick a knife either, but if you think about it, there isn't an actual reason why it's a terrible faux pas.

And it would definitely get up the last bits of gravy when otherwise you only have a fork to hand.

Edited

Show quote history

Well back in the day you might have cut your tongue on it.

And food isn't designed to balance on a knife.

Dobest · 14/05/2024 18:19

I don't think I've seen an adult lick a knife either, but if you think about it, there isn't an actual reason why it's a terrible faux pas.

There is a basic reason: to avoid injury.

ClaudiaWinklepanda · 14/05/2024 18:07

bluetopazlove · 14/05/2024 17:55

Why would anyone need to lick their knife ? Have you ever seen a family eating a meal and seeing them all licking licking their knives ?! Why ?

Show quote history

Clearly my question was controversial! I've never licked a knife as far as I know, and I don't think I've seen an adult lick a knife either, but if you think about it, there isn't an actual reason why it's a terrible faux pas.

And it would definitely get up the last bits of gravy when otherwise you only have a fork to hand.

Westfacing · 14/05/2024 18:04

There are just some social norms that you adhere to - nothing to do with how you hold your cutlery or whether you use a butter knife, and other matters of etiquette.

In some homes it's the norm to use your fingers to eat from communal platters and use bread to scoop up a mouthful - but it's not a free-for-all and there are basic rules of the table e.g. the elderly and children eat first, and if eating on the floor no feet should touch the table cloth.

Manners are not about silverware, just consideration for others.

diddl · 14/05/2024 18:03

My husband hates using a fork so uses a knife and pushes food onto it or loads a piece of bread up... it's very medieval.
He gets irritated by people who fanny about with food

Tbh I'd say that he "fannys about".

Dobest · 14/05/2024 17:59

My late father in law had nothing to say, until he'd put some food in his mouth.

ControlShiftDelete · 14/05/2024 17:59

That's absolutely disgusting. I can't be with someone who doesn't have respect for himself let alone me.

Bellaboo01 · 14/05/2024 17:58

JosephineCornwall · 14/05/2024 13:38

My bf of just over 3 months has shocking table manners….lip smacking, eating with mouth open, licking his knife, licking fingers (this is the worse one as it’s often and noisily and doesn’t use a napkin), licks the plate at the end of his meal…..you get my drift. In most other aspects I think we have the foundations for a LTR, however when I see him eating I want to dump him!! 😱 I have hinted at him that it’s not the done thing but am I being unreasonable to give him an ultimatum?

He is 'licking his plate'!!?? What the hell is he eating that requires that? Gross!

Nanny0gg · 14/05/2024 17:57

TipTableTop · 14/05/2024 17:52

Due to being raised in a different culture where people ate with their hands, I had appalling table manners. I wasn’t even used to sitting at a table, nor saying please or thank you. It was awful and embarrassing, but I didn’t know any better. Finally, a partner sat me down and set up the table and quietly and without fuss gave me a tutorial. Now my table manners can take me anywhere and I’m able to recognise and use various types of silverware.

I just needed a chance and some patience, I was very willing to change and of course did not want to embarrass myself or my companions!

Don’t make a big deal about it, just quietly sensitively and gently show him. Ignorance can be easily and quickly cured - table manners are not rocket science!

(I still eat how I like in the privacy of my home when I’m alone!)

Different circumstances

Yours were understandable.

His have deteriorated

Nanny0gg · 14/05/2024 17:56

DagnabbitDeputyDawg · 14/05/2024 17:49

If someone licks the plate, I take it as a sign that they enjoyed the food on it so much that they don't want to leave any.

But, then again, I would not go within 100 miles of anyone who values "manners" above everything else. And most Mumsnetters wouldn't be seen dead in my company.

The point of table manners is for one thing, not putting everyone else around you off their food.

All manners are, are consideration for other people

bluetopazlove · 14/05/2024 17:55

ClaudiaWinklepanda · 14/05/2024 17:36

Is licking a knife really that bad? Given that you put both a fork and a spoon into your mouth? For me that feels on a different level to licking a plate.

Why would anyone need to lick their knife ? Have you ever seen a family eating a meal and seeing them all licking licking their knives ?! Why ?

Nanny0gg · 14/05/2024 17:54

ClaudiaWinklepanda · 14/05/2024 17:36

Is licking a knife really that bad? Given that you put both a fork and a spoon into your mouth? For me that feels on a different level to licking a plate.

Yes,

A knife is for cutting your food and pushing it onto your fork.

Nanny0gg · 14/05/2024 17:53

Mimilamore · 14/05/2024 17:16

My husband hates using a fork so uses a knife and pushes food onto it or loads a piece of bread up... it's very medieval.
He gets irritated by people who fanny about with food and use their knives like a pencil... can be annoying!
He says he likes to get stuck in!
I usually place something between me and him, water bottle, kitchen roll so I don't have to witness.
Your bf/ dh won't change, I think it all begins in childhood...

Do you eat out with him?