OH has awful table manners and it’s making me question our whole relationship

Book him into dining etiquette lessons for his birthday.
Someone else needs to be very honest to his face and you, once you indroduce the topic, should not be the main instructor.
Have the serious discussion about his eating habits being off puting and that the rest of him is lovable.

It's only worth doing all this if he is a long term keeper.

... but agree with other posters that the OP's boyfriend's behaviour is mannerless and deal-breaking.

Live alone? fine (and have been known to do this with soup). Out in public? nope.

Where on earth are these restaurants where the waiting staff are so judgy?
I am right handed but eat left handed (I think due to being brought up by left handed parents). I always switch my cutlery round to 'my' way and no-one has ever commented on it. Would probably get short shrift if they did, tbh.

I genuinely wouldn't have made it past the first dinner date.

Table manners are so important to me, and I struggle with food noises.

I may be missing the point @Horsemother but is his 'eating like a norma person' just masking behaviour that takes a lot of energy?

Not quite the same level but I'm left handed. I always used to eat like a right handed person when out but it was draining. Eventually i went forget this I need to eat and not be drained at the struggle and now walk into a restaurant and change everything around. Waiters are horrified 60% of the time and say something or try and rearrange it.

Have a grown up conversation with him. If this is a deal breaker for you, say so. He might want to put the work in, he might not. But you won't know until he is aware of the problem.

You're missing the point that he's already shown he can eat quite normally when he feels like it.

Bearing in mind that he was fine when you first got together - I'd have walked out and dumped him the first time he behaved like that. I feel physically sick watching people eat like this, the thought of putting up with it reglarly would kill any attraction I had for him stone dead.

Oh dear, this is a major ick isn't it. If he ticks all of the other boxes, just sit down and be honest with him. It may be that he came from a large family where he felt he had to 'fight' for his share of the food and this is where the habits have come from. For some people it's partly cultural.

Mention his positive traits first and how excited you are for the future but then tell him that table manners are really important to you (and for future socialising with friends and family, setting the right example for children). Give him a chance to try and change, make it light hearted at the dinner table. Give him a cuddle if he seems to be trying etc. If he doesn't try, I think you know what the answer is. Good luck.

I love all these nasty comments on here without the full information. We do not know the history of this man at all but are quick to judge.

He could have had a TBI.

He could have been in the care system from a young age or had no positive role models as a youngster, having come from a dysfunctional family and just needs some guidance. You'd be surprised what effect adverse childhood experiences cause.

It could be a cultural thing so he's still learning and picking things up as he goes.

He could just be a savage, I will also concede that but people are so judgey on mums net at everything they do is perfect.

I mean you have been with him a while and you are now complaining about it. It's your fault for leading him on.. if you had a phobia of bad manners you would have known straight away.
As a man this is so petty as we let women get a way with a lot of crap.
Table manners are only for the rich and snobbery. The person who licks their plate enjoys their meal. Or hasn't had a decent one in a while.
If men had the same gears to grind as women the human race would have stopped a millenia ago.
When my mate comes around he hates me chewing with my mouth open. He has some weird phobia of noises.
If this is the worst thing your man does than you are blessed.

OP how have you not already got the total ick??

DH once licked the plate, early on in our relationship. I was thoroughly disgusted, told him so, and he never did it again.

Talk to him!

My ex started to pick his teeth with his fork. That was the last straw for me. I think these things eventually become an obsessions for you and you just won't be able to tolerate it long term.

It's a good job we are all different in the world.

He'd be under my patio.

Well done for your patience 👏

My ex held his knife like a pen. Tell him. Show him this thread? It might help if he sees how disgusting most people find it.

Sounds like you may be jumping from hint to ultimatum. Maybe there is room for a clear but polite expression of your view first.

As I tell my (very small) children. Once food is in your mouth, no one wants to see it again.

Absolutely gross. I called time on a fling with a very hot man when I realised he ate like a camel.

It's gross and may or may not work. Do the same thing. Exagerate the licking and eating with your mouth open, lick the plate etc...
If he asks what you're doing you say "trying to figure out what you get out of being so f#%king rude"😉

Or use the moment to open up the conversation about his table etiquette.

My DP used to do this thing where he would eat some foods with his fingers, literally picking it off a plate and shoving it in his mouth.

I was absolutely horrified and disgusted. I literally blurted out "there's a reason forks were invented.

He kept doing it and eventually I stopped eating meals with him in our respective houses. When it clicked we hadn't been eating together he questioned it and I just told him straight, eat with a fork or eat by yourself.

The weird thing is, he never did it when we are out.

He now uses a fork.

No, if it's bothering you this much after 3 months imagine after 3 years, 30 years etc.Tell him that his habits are really off-putting but if there's no effort to change there's no point.

Your elbows should be by your sides - touching or very close to touching your sides - not raised/sticking out.

Awful! I have had loads of boyfriends when I was young and they all ate properly. Dh is very particular of table manners and dc eat properly to the point that dd had pizza at school and she was the only one who ate it with knife and fork.