To be so upset with my dad for this?

I think he intends to say more about it when he drops the card round? If not, it does seem odd.

This might be a bit of a ramble...

I agree with PP that some people, men especially, are just bad at emotional support. My DF certainly is, despite being supportive and interested in a general sense, when a good friend of mine died, beyond a short conversation when I told DF he never brought it up again. Even when I told him, there was no offer of support, more just discussion of circumstances. Which could have felt cold, but I know it's just that DF processes things very differently to me. When DM died and people would ring to support him (or try to!) he couldn't really understand what they were doing - he didn't find it helpful. So as a result, because he wouldn't find it helpful, I don't think he can really understand that others might, and what that could look like.

I think more broadly in your situation you probably know that you and your DF aren't close, but maybe had in the back of your mind that he would "come good" in a really tough situation. So you were OK with him being generally not great because you thought he'd be there in a crisis. And now, sadly, you realise that's not the case. I might be totally off the mark here of course!

You've asked for some outside perspective but you are continually arguing with anyone who thinks that your Dad's response wasn't unreasonable.
You are clearly grieving your Grandad so perhaps you should just deal with that and stop fretting about a text exchange with someone that you acknowledge that you don't have a particularly good or close relationship with.
Just because you think he should have responded in a certain way, doesn't mean that he should. You're an adult you don't need validation and acknowledgement of your feelings all the time even when going through a bereavement.

Some people, particularly some men, are just terrible at responding appropriately in bereavement. They don’t know what to say or do so they do nothing. I expect your dad falls into this category, made worse by the fact that you’re not close anyway so he probably is even less used to being supportive. I also wonder whether he personally disliked your other DGD when he was with your mum - remember there is a whole backstory then. If he didn’t like him himself, he might struggle even more to accept that you did love him, or that you had a closer relationship withDGD than with your dad. as others have said, I don’t think this is very surprising in the circumstances, and I bet your emotion is because the bereavement has raked up lots of old baggage in your mind as well as your sorrow at your loss. Bereavement has waves of impact for a very very long time, it’s not a quick process. I hope you get some support from others in your life, and I’m sorry for your loss.

And I'm sorry for your loss. Take care

I think you need to accept your relationship with your father for what it is and not what you hoped it could be.

It sounds to me like, in your grief for your grandad, you are also feeling grief for the relationship you never had or wished you had had with your dad. And that is valid. He is who he is, and sadly it sounds like you two are not close, and perhaps there is a history of him being distant. It's really sad, having to accept that a parent is not... what you would want/need from a parent.

I'm sorry for your loss. It is very hard, losing a grandparent you were close to.

Just be mindful that a part of grief can be anger, and it can 'focus' on places it shouldn't necessarily be focused. So lean on who you need to lean on.

Of course it’s very uncaring to not even say sorry to hear about that. He should have also messaged you to offer condolences when he found out. Some people are just uncaring or don’t think. It isn’t nice and you’ve every right to be upset with him.

I think we need to know more about the background. Are your parents divorced? Did your dad and maternal grandad dislike each other? There's obviously a huge backstory here, that you wouldn't speak to your dad sooner about your loss, but did speak to his dad, your other grandad. Could he be confused about whether you want to speak about it with him, because he heard the news second-hand as you chose to tell your grandad but not him?

he sounds like a cold fish,
is is reaction different than usual?

I understand your grief, but i think youre obviously a little sensitive atm. If someone, in essence, said i dont want it bringing up atm, i wouldn't from the second thats asked.

Hes doing what you asked, not bringing it up. YABU

So sorry for your loss OP.
From my experience, families can be awful at bereavement support. I lost my beloved gran last year and have been supported more by my wider community than my family, who didn’t even send a text on the day of the 1 year anniversary, mother’s day etc.
Grief is unreasonable in itself. You needed support from your dad and didn’t get it. Feeling upset about that is normal, you have just lost this lovely person and your feelings are raw.
I hope you have support from elsewhere. All the best OP.

I don't think you needed to tell him directly for him to offer you his condolences.

If you hear of someone passing, whether it's through a third party, you would then choose that moment to pass on your condolences. He knew how much your grandad meant to you.

I'm sorry for your loss.

She asked for an opinion on whether she is being unreasonable to be upset with her Dad. You didn't give her an opinion on that.

Oh sorry I forgot @mistymirror that on mn now people aren't actually asking for opinions, just to be told, 'you're right, everyone else is awful'.