"Ridiculous" to expect cutlery and crockery to be clean

CoffeeBeansGalore - I have just spent this entire afternoon doing exactly that - consulting with various kitchen brands and their in-house designers to have a chat about what can be achieved. 1 or 2 showed promise so fingers crossed!

Abbyant - the bacteria/mould aspect is the bit that actually worries me most, especially because mum is on a medication that causes her to be immunosuppressed (she has Rheumatoid Arthritis). I have actually told him as plainly as that that this is what makes me re-wash things. He still thinks I am being over the top. If the kids are not old enough to make sure things are OK if I ever get ill like this, lord help me if it falls to my sibs 😐

Stormyweathr - good point, but I was hoping I could use the opportunity of the appliance being new to tell him (and perhaps show him in the product literature) that things should be rinsed before putting them in to the dishwasher. Might have a better chance getting the moon on a stick though....

TonTonMacoute - The first time I explained it to him (after watching him do it some 5 times or so), I suspect I had a look of 'are you crazy?' on my face as, like you, I thought this was a feature of being a normal well-adjusted adult even without the medical bits and bobs. But, no no, I am ridiculous for expecting dishes/cutlery/pots with absolutely zero evidence of food on them!

DecoratingDiva - What is even worse is that he has previously suggested that his friends and colleagues think I am a little much for expecting this apparently super-human standard of cleanliness. Not sure I believe him tbh.

CoffeeBeansGalore - You have no idea about the mental gymnastics I have been doing trying to wedge a slimline dishwasher in somewhere, even if it has to go on the sodding roof. I think you're right, he just does not care.

toomuchfaff - That is exactly how I see it. When I explain that a spoon that does not have any visible dried food on it might not actually be clean (in terms of bacteria etc) but that a spoon where there is actually visible dried food on it is DEFINITELY not clean, I am met with a blank look. Mindboggling.

Rec0veringAcademic - It is actually a brother I am referring to, well picked up. Tried to keep it vague in case he ever happens upon this thread and recognizes the situation and the way I write but, hey, it might actually help matters if he did. I have wondered if there is an element of guilt here but there needn't be because he actually does help out with her care in other ways that matters to mum and me (and I have told him before on more than one occasion how much I do value his input). The annoying thing is that, tiring though it may be, I actually don't mind re-washing things if it means they are actually clean and mum is kept safe (and away from the NHS at a time of NHS collapse) - what really gets on my wick is the comments suggesting that I am odd for not tolerating a bit of dried food on washed items!

KnitnNatterAuntie - What a gorgeous comment - thank you! You do what you have to for your folks I suppose and mum has been an absolutely gorgeous mum to us all our lives, we really were very lucky as we had a difficult childhood otherwise. Interestingly, mum is slightly immunosuppressed through medication she takes for one of her medical conditions which is why I keep an eagle eye on the cleanliness thing - I totally get your paranoia when your parents were on chemo (mum's situation is not quite as serious).

Encouraging responses, MumsNet, thank you!

WarshipRocinante - I have seen him washing things before and he does actually use the sponge and washing up liquid - he just doesn't really pay attention as he washes up. I think he thinks that if he's got some sort of washing up liquid on it and a sponge has touched the spoon or whatever, the job is done. He doesn't look at the spoon (or whatever) after he rinses to check that it is actually clean.

For instance, when he washes cutlery, he holds the stem of the spoon, washes the head, runs it under water, then puts it on the dish drainer. The idea that the stem of the spoon may also need washing does not occur to him.

When washing one of our stainless steel pots, he'll wash the inside (I have a photo of food bits still stuck on the inside after he washed a pot recently) but it does not occur to him that the outside might also need scrubbing, especially if the pan boiled over during cooking.

It really does blow my mind.

Everyone is correct - if I dare broach the subject (which I try to avoid because I don't get an adult response) he gets immediately defensive and flips it on me, telling me that I am actually the one in the wrong for getting upset about a little bit of food left on something - YUCK.

Thanks for such speedy responses!

Honestly, I am at the point where I had begun to question whether it really was me as I have been made to feel as if my standards are ridiculously high. As an example of the sort of thing I mean, please see the pot lid I have uploaded below.

PercyJackson - I am not sure whether or not to be flattered by you thinking that I can mimic AI! Hilarious because I am not that great with tech at the best of times.....😆

Good idea about whether or not it's his eyesight - except for the fact that I am pretty sure he has better eyesight than me! He's pretty absent-minded, I just don't think he notices things he just doesn't think are important.

When I am then spotted re-washing things that are not clean, I am accused of micromanaging and undermining.

I can't seem to win either way. We are about to have the kitchen renovated and I have been trying really hard to work out a way to afford replumbing and reorganising the space just so I can wedge a slimline dishwasher in - am I fooling myself in thinking this would solve the problem (given some of the insightful posts above)?

Thanks all, it's such a relief to know I am not going mad. Have felt a bit gas-lit to be honest.