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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

To ask neighbour not to smoke in his own garden?

187 replies

fope · 14/05/2024 09:24

We live in a flat in converted townhouse. We are on the second floor. Neighbour is in the garden flat (not shared garden). Our bedroom is at the back of the house.

As it’s getting hotter, we need to have our bedroom window open all night.

Garden flat neighbour is a heavy smoker. He stands in the french doors of his flat and smokes “out” into the garden (if that makes sense).

The problem is, that the smoke rises up and it makes our bedroom stink. Three mornings in a row we have woken up to a bedroom smelling of cigarette smoke.

AIBU to ask him not to smoke in his garden? Or at least go somewhere else where it won’t rise up into other people’s homes. Other people in our building have also commented on this.

OP posts:
RosieTheChi · 14/05/2024 17:54

@Differentstarts Absolutely but it depends on the level and frequency of the noise in addition to the nature of it. So normal every day activities are fine but if someone was having screaming arguments and loud parties, then that would be a problem.

I don't think it would harm the neighbour to ensure the smoke doesn't bother the neighbours. It's good to have a bit of consideration all round.

fungipie · 14/05/2024 17:53

Missindependent007 · 14/05/2024 17:44

Because YOU don't smoke, people can't smoke in thier own gardens?

I used to smoke. OP is not asking neighbour not to smoke in his garden, but perhaps to smoke in a different area where it would not affect OP, or less.

Differentstarts · 14/05/2024 17:50

RosieTheChi · 14/05/2024 17:47

It could be argued though, why should other people have to smell and breathe in your smoke? It's not contained on your property and ends up in the property of another person so should other people not be considered?

I have a neighbour with Emphysema and he wouldn't be able to breathe with smoke wafting into his house constantly. What about people like him?

What would your stance be on excessive noise coming from your property?

But it's not excessive smoke he's smoking not lighting bonfires everyday. It's the same with noise if you live in close proximity of others you have to except a certain level of noise

RosieTheChi · 14/05/2024 17:47

Differentstarts · 14/05/2024 17:45

Yabu if my neighbour asked me this I wouldn't stop. You choose to open your windows on your property I choose to smoke on mine

It could be argued though, why should other people have to smell and breathe in your smoke? It's not contained on your property and ends up in the property of another person so should other people not be considered?

I have a neighbour with Emphysema and he wouldn't be able to breathe with smoke wafting into his house constantly. What about people like him?

What would your stance be on excessive noise coming from your property?

Differentstarts · 14/05/2024 17:45

Yabu if my neighbour asked me this I wouldn't stop. You choose to open your windows on your property I choose to smoke on mine

Missindependent007 · 14/05/2024 17:44

fungipie · 14/05/2024 17:29

Because YOU smoke, everyone else has to close windows and not have fresh air in ther house or flat. Wow - what a selfish, horrible T**t!

Because YOU don't smoke, people can't smoke in thier own gardens?

fungipie · 14/05/2024 17:38

We were on holiday and the guy below smoked constantly big cigars on the balcony below, including late at night. It was just awful.

Surely there is nothing wrong with telling neighbour, nicely, that unfortunately his smoking makes you feel ill, and ask, nicely, if there was any chance he could smoke in another part of the garden. Depends how you ask.

And if it works, follow up with a nice bottle of something and a box of good chocs, and a card.

If the reaction is negative, sadly, moving will be your only choice. It shouldn't be that way.

rkahic · 14/05/2024 17:34

Cigarette smoke is horrible but it’s his property and he has the right to do whatever he wants in it

ElfAndSafetyBored · 14/05/2024 17:33

Can you fashion something that directs the smoke away from your open window? Like a ledge of some kind fixed to your window sill.

Terrribletwos · 14/05/2024 17:32

LaCouleurDeMonCiel · 14/05/2024 17:30

Why the faux-naiveté? The point was that most people pollute by doing things that are purely for their own pleasure and it is hypocritical to single out smokers when other activities are worse in terms of pollution yet deemed acceptable.

Yes, that's true but they don't have such an immediate impact do they?

LaCouleurDeMonCiel · 14/05/2024 17:30

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Why the faux-naiveté? The point was that most people pollute by doing things that are purely for their own pleasure and it is hypocritical to single out smokers when other activities are worse in terms of pollution yet deemed acceptable.

fungipie · 14/05/2024 17:29

allthemiddlechildrenoftheworld · 14/05/2024 17:27

@fope sorry but I would be giving you short shrift!!! just close your windows!

Because YOU smoke, everyone else has to close windows and not have fresh air in ther house or flat. Wow - what a selfish, horrible T**t!

Getonwitit · 14/05/2024 17:29

His garden his choice. You need to close your windows and turn the fan on.

allthemiddlechildrenoftheworld · 14/05/2024 17:27

@fope sorry but I would be giving you short shrift!!! just close your windows!

LaCouleurDeMonCiel · 14/05/2024 17:26

It would annoy me too, smokers are so selfish. They don't have a right to pollute other folk's air even though they think they do
Does anybody thinking this own a car?

Hatfullofwillow · 14/05/2024 16:48

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Perspective.

Boomer55 · 14/05/2024 16:18

Whatever you think, and it may be valid, smoking is a legal pastime, and he’s in his own garden.

You have no legal grounds for complaint,🤷‍♀️

Cannotbeasked · 14/05/2024 16:13

EmpressSoleil · 14/05/2024 15:30

Myself and my next door neighbour live in converted houses, 1st floor upwards. As such, we share a fire escape at the back, leading down to our separate gardens.

It would be handy for me to smoke on the fire escape by my back door, but I don't do it because the neighbours often have windows open and I know the smoke would drift in. So I go downstairs to the garden. They've never asked me to but I think it's the right thing to do. So no, we're not all selfish.

OP, I would ask in a nice and polite way. It's true he could say no of course, but if you don't try you don't know.

The only people I don't care about bothering with my smoke is those who have the attitude of some pp's (you can always tell) who just see us all as inconsiderate assholes! I treat people how they treat me. I wouldn't refuse a genuinely nice request to move away.

This.i am a smoker and I always smoke away from my neighbours open windows or if they are in theirgarden. Really absolutely fine to mention it .Just because someone smokes ,doesn't mean they are awful human beings !

MsLuxLisbon · 14/05/2024 16:12

FangsForTheMemory · 14/05/2024 15:47

Do you smoke, by any chance?

OP I would ask him if it’s possible for him to walk down the garden a bit.

Actually, no, I don't. I just recognize the limits of what people can and can't ask other people to do, and I don't think that OP is within her rights to ask him to stop, at least not if the situation is just how she outlined. She needs to close her window.

ForAPicnic · 14/05/2024 16:05

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ForAPicnic · 14/05/2024 16:04

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JamieJ93 · 14/05/2024 16:01

I smoke,
In the garden ( as my husband is a non smoker and I am a decent person)
If it was bothering one of the neighbours and they asked me to try and smoke in a different place then of course I would try to as again, I am a decent person.
To the pp who said smokers are selfish and aren't decent people get off your high horse and stop tarring everyone with the same brush
We aren't all down and outs as you seem to perceive us peasants

PoppyCherryDog · 14/05/2024 15:58

I’d absolutely hate this too but unfortunately I don’t think you can do anything

Shoxfordian · 14/05/2024 15:57

There's nothing you can really do about it op, you can ask him to move but he may not

Terrribletwos · 14/05/2024 15:52

Yellowhammer09 · 14/05/2024 09:49

I don't think you'd be unreasonable to ask if he can smoke at the other end of the garden. Any normal person would understand. Yes, it's a private garden but it affects his neighbours.

This. I smoke but I would totally understand that it may annoy upstairs neighbours if I was smoking below and I would move to another part of the garden.