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AIBU?

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Malapropisms

322 replies

CaptainJinksOftheHorseMarines · 14/05/2024 02:13

A number of us used to meet regularly every 6 weeks, and each time had to introduce ourselves by giving our name and title since there were sometimes new people at the meetings; and also to document who was in attendance in the minutes. There was a woman there who used to introduce herself every time as the “material” grandmother instead of maternal grandmother. Most of us at the meeting found her mistake amusing, but not in a mean way. I sometimes think back and wonder if I should have told her (privately) that she had it wrong. AIBU to have not said something at the time? Would it have been rude to? In a similar vein, when I was in elementary school, I used to believe the line in the Canadian national anthem, “Oh Canada! We stand on guard for thee” was actually, “Oh Canada! We stand on GOD for thee.” Six-year-old me couldn’t figure out why anybody would stand on God. What a dumb thing to do. It wasn’t until the words were put on an overhead projector during assembly a couple of years later that I realised that the correct word was actually “guard.” I still cringe when I think about it.

OP posts:
CherryRipe1 · 21/05/2024 13:25

My freind bless him uses some scorchers;
Fumid for humid
Beethoven for Betnovate
Klasco or Klasco for cholesterol
Antichrists for anarchists
Corvoisier for covonia
Metatrax for methotrexate
My Nan called sterilized milk paralyzed
DD says Fogging me off for fobbing off.

Catsmere · 21/05/2024 12:43

Illegible expenditure sounds like a new term for a dodgy cheque! 😄

moggerhanger · 21/05/2024 12:42

WhateverHappenedToMe · 21/05/2024 12:14

I currently have a second colleague (both senior to me) who pronounces the word 'eligible' as 'illegible' - and in my line of work (medical) that makes a difference.

Oh goddess, I have that from some colleagues. Illegible expenditure is a regular feature of my working day.

ShiningforLeeBertie · 21/05/2024 12:41

Decapitated coconut

WhateverHappenedToMe · 21/05/2024 12:14

I currently have a second colleague (both senior to me) who pronounces the word 'eligible' as 'illegible' - and in my line of work (medical) that makes a difference.

TinselSniffer · 21/05/2024 12:10

'Level cwossing' 🤣🤣🤣

killerbootsman · 21/05/2024 11:59

CaptainJinksOftheHorseMarines · 14/05/2024 12:46

Cause we are living in a material world
And I am a material girl
You know that we are living in a material world
And I am a material girl

Not exactly a malapropism — but when I was young, I also used to think that the above lyrics referred to an actual girl made of cloth living in a world made of cloth.

While we're on about Madonna songs... I was convinced the line in Like A Prayer, which actually says
"Let the choir sing"
was Madonna with a briefly acquired speech impediment singing
"Level cwossing" which is even worse when you consider the complete lack of relevance to the rest of the song.

Catsmere · 20/05/2024 23:00

drusth · 20/05/2024 11:49

Yes, I thought it was short for 'in excess'.

I think it was.

ErrolTheDragon · 20/05/2024 18:32

This is why it's better to just on your hands rather than correct other people's SPAG because no one is immune from making mistakes.

Muphry's Rule usually applies!Grin

drusth · 20/05/2024 18:05

squishee · 20/05/2024 09:40

Well segway is, but dismorphia is not a word that exists. Dysphoria is.

Yes, as @Scampuss says, dysmorphia is a word, as in body dysmorphia.

This is why it's better to just on your hands rather than correct other people's SPAG because no one is immune from making mistakes.

Scampuss · 20/05/2024 17:45

squishee · 20/05/2024 09:40

Well segway is, but dismorphia is not a word that exists. Dysphoria is.

Surely dismorphia is just a misspelling of dysmorphia, i.e., a word that exists?

ToWhitToWhoo · 20/05/2024 16:48

JudgeJ · 20/05/2024 10:42

When we lived in Germany more than one newcomer thought that Freibad, 'free pool' in their mind, meant you didn't have to pay when it actually meant Open Air pool.

As a child, I thought the 'Free Church' meant one which you don't have to pay to attend. I was a bit puzzled, as. apart from the collection, you don't usually have to pay to go to church.

Falderalagain · 20/05/2024 15:37

While we're on spoonerisms ... what about Trevor MacDonald who managed to mangle "the Kent countryside". Oh dear.

Oh - and we always had sustificates for good work

PineappleBanana · 20/05/2024 15:01

Just had “genetic” instead of “generic” in a meeting. <sigh>

drusth · 20/05/2024 11:49

Catsmere · 20/05/2024 11:28

I thought the same of INXS - didn't realise it was effectively IN-XS for a while.

Yes, I thought it was short for 'in excess'.

Catsmere · 20/05/2024 11:28

JudgeJ · 20/05/2024 11:19

I do have excellent spelling and grammar, I also tend to proof read although the odd typo sneaks in, but I still thought INXS was Inks until I heard it said out loud, nothing to do with spelling and grammar! This is such a fun thread, don't spoil it!

I thought the same of INXS - didn't realise it was effectively IN-XS for a while.

Spidey66 · 20/05/2024 11:27

JudgeJ · 20/05/2024 10:40

A Corrie fan? I seem to remember one woman being very proud of her murial over the fireplace.

Hilda Ogden. How could you not remember her name?!?!

Spidey66 · 20/05/2024 11:24

I work for the NHS and our incident reporting software is called Datix. It's often a word we hate as it usually means something has gone wrong!

As a morale improving exercise the NHS have something called Greatix, obviously a play on Datix. You use it to compliment colleagues, teams etc and in our team they happen once a month in a weekly meeting.

First time I mentioned it I called it Brexit in error, which my colleagues found amusing so now I always call Brexit.

My husband always calls Alzheimers Old Timers!

JudgeJ · 20/05/2024 11:19

cockadoodledandy · 19/05/2024 22:23

I think I’d be more concerned about people who don’t know the basics of spelling or grammar

I do have excellent spelling and grammar, I also tend to proof read although the odd typo sneaks in, but I still thought INXS was Inks until I heard it said out loud, nothing to do with spelling and grammar! This is such a fun thread, don't spoil it!

Catsmere · 20/05/2024 11:16

JudgeJ · 20/05/2024 11:13

Certificates? Just shows how useful doing some supply in Junior Schools can be for an A level Maths teacher! I once asked them to write about My Pet and one boy wrote about his rabbit using the 'word' yrnt, when asked to read his work out to me he said he kept his rabbit in a cage made of 'wire netting', my husband who taught Infants/Juniors couldn't understand why I hadn't found it obvious.

Yes, the poster confirmed it was certificates!

That yrnt one is strange - did he say "wire net" in a very condensed sort of way?

JudgeJ · 20/05/2024 11:15

Catsmere · 18/05/2024 12:42

When you're in hospitality long enough, it becomes hostility! 😆

Maybe he worked in Wetherspoons..............

JudgeJ · 20/05/2024 11:13

Catsmere · 16/05/2024 22:56

What on earth does he mean? It's early morning here and I can't even guess the word he's after. 😄

Certificates? Just shows how useful doing some supply in Junior Schools can be for an A level Maths teacher! I once asked them to write about My Pet and one boy wrote about his rabbit using the 'word' yrnt, when asked to read his work out to me he said he kept his rabbit in a cage made of 'wire netting', my husband who taught Infants/Juniors couldn't understand why I hadn't found it obvious.

JudgeJ · 20/05/2024 11:07

ToWhitToWhoo · 15/05/2024 22:57

I know someone who used to work for a shopfitters firm. She once answered the phone:' 'Hello, this is X Shoplifters'.

A friend of mine, as a child, thought that the line 'Long to reign over us' in 'God save the Queen/ King' meant that it would rain over us for a long time. Rather appropriate for the British National Anthem!

I once heard a headteacher refer at a meeting to 'my school's incest days'. (For MN-ers outside the UK: she meant in-service training days, usually known as INSET days.)

Maybe they were more interesting than the usual Inset days and he wasn't saying it incorrectly! We used to take bets on how much of the crossword we could get done during the opening ramble.

JudgeJ · 20/05/2024 10:57

Bunniemalone · 14/05/2024 21:44

Elderly aunt arrived late for a funeral, as our John's Sat Lav got us lost. DH always refers to Velcro as velchrome.
@Iwouldratherbesinging
Are you from the black country by any chance??? My husband coming back from London, reverted to his childhood from Dudley... When he saw the chimneys.. Aaww look the chimleys..

In the North West I recall they were chimbleys.
My dad used to say 'shopping prestinct' and refused to accept that he was wrong.

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