Should he visit my mum in hospital if his cousin just died?

YABU his mum is right what if the flight is delayed he doesn’t make it back in time for his cousins funeral how would you feel if he missed the funeral for the sake of visiting your mum.

Yeah you don't seem to be making much sense.
His cousin has died. Someone his own age who he may well have grown up seeing fairly often. His mothers siblings child.
That is His priority. That should be his priority. Your mum in hospital even at deaths door is not a priority unless it's because you are not coping with seeing your mum and caring for your joint children etc. Just visits. Just social support - not priory.
If you can't get to the funeral because your mum is too poorly for you to risk leaving her then he should understand. But no he is not being unreasonable to not visit your mum

Does he have a relationship with your mother? Are they close? Does she even want to see him? (If I'm ill in the hospital I don't want "social calls").

Besides all that, it seems unreasonable to expect him to have to fly in for a brief hospital visit then fly back to where the funeral will be held.

You're two adults with family responsibilities that you have to prioritize. Don't turn this into some kind of silly relationship " test" requiring performative "support". And I hope your mum's health improves, OP.

I wouldn't leave my death's door parent to fly to my dh's cousin's funeral.

I didn't need my dh to visit my dad in hospital. I needed him to support me at home and forgive me when I was difficult and angry and grieving.

I guess the difference is that I don't need to feel like a priority to him, I just know I am.

Let me get this straight...you believe it is essential for your partner to come and see your mother this week, before his cousin's funeral, because you believe she may die imminently. But you are also planning to leave her and fly off to support your partner through a bereavement which you think is unimportant enough to him that he should leave and fly to see your mother instead?

Perhaps he has in the past not supported you equally and you have reason to feel disgruntled about that. However, this situation is not really the time to be creating drama and it will do no good to bring this up now.
Your mum is in hospital, managing to go out and have smoke breaks, so not likely on deaths door ( sorry ) and his cousin is actually dead.

He needs to stay with his family.

I would have a look at how you feel after your mum leaves hospital and take it from there. I hope your mum feels better soon.

You’re being unreasonable OP.
If your mum is (potentially) on her death bed then you shouldn’t be flying anywhere. He needs to be where he is, with his family. If we were talking 30 mins in a car to see you and your mum at the hospital then yes I’d agree and say he could give you some support and comfort by visiting. But it’s clearly quite a distance including a plane ride.

If he hasn’t made you a priority in his life that is an issue for sure, but I wouldn’t conflate this situation with that wider issue. Also he did offer and was set to go before his mum has perhaps had words and now he is torn.

Im sorry things are tough and your mum is so poorly, I would focus on her at the moment and address the relationship issues when things are less frantic

I’m not sure it’s normal to visit your in laws in hospital. My DH and I would never expect each other do that.

When my DH’s father died I didn’t go to the hospital as it’s a private family matter. I provided him with whatever support he wanted as he would for me but the prospect of DH going to see either of my parents in hospital is ludicrous.

I think you each need to prioritise being with your families - so him with his mum etc and you with yours. He shouldn’t fly to see your mum and you shouldn’t fly to the funeral. You have to support one another from a distance. It’s hard, I know, but that’s what I would do.

My DH didn’t visit my DF in hospital. Nor would I expect him to. Your DP had lost a relative and his family must be devastated. He will be drawn to his family right now as you are drawn to yours. His mum needs him, your mum needs you. But it’s not a competition. It’s a very difficult time for you both and your families. The best way to support each other right now is to ‘allow’ each other the space to do what you each feel is right without being pressured by each other. I hope your mum recovers well OP.

If she is actually going down to smoke, then yeah...she can't be too bad!

If your DM is really poorly I think you each prioritise your own family

I would 100% of booked a plane ticket and met him for the funeral no question of a doubt I want to support and be there for him

What, even if your mum was at deaths door though?

Is she going outside to smoke as he says?

His cousin had died. His family is his priority. You said your mum will be going home in a week.

I think if the travel involves flights etc then it's probably best he stays near his family.

I'm sorry your mum is poorly, hope she gets better soon.

But you are planning to leave her and fly off to your partner's cousin's funeral?

Sorry to say YABVVVU.

From the sound of it your Mum isn't at deaths door (is she really going outside to smoke?) As you say she'll be out in a week.

On the other hand his cousin has DIED! His place is with his family to support each other. His mum is right about the possibility of fuck-ups in flying to visit you at this time.

I think you should be supportive of him at this time as his is the most dire.

Does your mum want him to visit?

I’m also confused about the logistics.

Why do you want him to visit your mom?