To hate the vacuousness of some young girls nowadays?

I absolutely model 'good values', emphasise health and well being, don't wear make up myself, always encourage exercise and hobbies etc. And I had a daughter just like yours up until about 6 months ago! Now, she is exactly as the OP bemoans and as shallow and vacuous as they come, at least on the surface (if you'll forgive the pun). I think there is a lot in what other people are saying- that she wants to fit in, that she's trying on different identities for size, that it's simply fun. These are all normal impulses, albeit monetised to the power of 100 by social media. Somewhere in there is still the girl who cared passionately about the environment and animals, who loved nothing more than hiking and camping. I am currently trying to straddle the fine line of not belittling her current 'self' while gently trying to keep the other great elements of her lit up. It's hard. I think good parenting is also about navigating the waves that come that AREN'T something you are comfortable with.

Mean Girls came out in 2004, Clueless in 1995. Both showed vacuous, brand-obsessed over-groomed teenage girls. And have you forgotten Paris Hilton already?

Dont forget Clueless was based on Jane Austen's 'Emma' so this behaviour has actually been going on for centuries.

Haven’t parents been saying similar about their teens forever?

I was obsessed with Wham, makeup, crimping my hair etc.

I went on to get a degree, have a meaningful career and am now a c suite executive.

It's just a phase.

USA is considering banning TIK TOK I wish we would. There's something sinister about the whole app

YABU about them being clones, it’s normal for teenagers to want to be like each other

I pointed this out to my nan once when she said all teenagers look the same. I asked her why her and everyone woman she knew her age had the same blue rinse permed hairstyle, tan tights and tweed skirt. I didnt say it unkindly, but just pointing out that her generation also have a similar style that they all follow. She didnt have an answer. That generation is just a much a product of the fashion they had growing up as every generation does.

Nature is getting them ready to breed and society is telling them how to attract potential mates. I think it is hormones rather than vacuousness.

I don't care about vacuousness but I do care about whether they're happy. There's a big difference between a group of 12 year olds all putting on glitter eyeshadow and a 12 year girl spending an hour in the bathroom obsessing over her skin. If the skincare stuff is making them happy then fine but the whole "clean girl" aesthetic seems a bit oppressive to me.

I also agree that the exposure to advertising is way way higher than anything we experienced as teenagers. Teenagers are being live streamed highly targeted, algorithm-based marketing through their phone screens. This isn't the same as reading Cosmo or watching TV ad breaks.

I'm pretty sure I was about 12 when I used my mums fake tan...

I also had orange foundation and spent a lot of time in the body shop or going round clothes shops.

I admit I can be pretty vacuous and I'm no solicitor but I turned out well enough.

It's just a phase that a lot of girls go through regardless of generation like boys and their hair gel or lynx.

The only problem now is social media and the promoting of expensive brands but even in the 90s brands were a thing, I was desperate for adidas trousers. No Internet to promote them but there was TV, magazines, friends...unless you live in a bubble you will always be influenced even if you don't realise it.

I guess though when I was a kid I desperately wanted Uggs because all the other kids had it. Substitute Uggs for PlayStation games/- certain items of clothing/xbox/playstation.
In the last 20 or so years (since I was 10, and spanning all my sisters and cousins growing up) there’s been “it” items every year that all the kids have. At the moment it’s fancy skincare, ridiculous really but just the current trend!

Yabu they’ll grow out of it like generations before. It’s just a phase.

Twas ever thus tbh. It’s adolescence scrambling their brains, most of them come out of it eventually.

Definitely social media and influencers to blame here

You’d think this initially of dd2 who is 15 but she reads Sylvia Plath and volunteers at the old peoples home as she likes talking to them.

It has always been this way, except now it’s skin care, 10 years ago it was something else and 10 years before that it was something different etc.

YABU about them being clones, it’s normal for teenagers to want to be like each other, to be part of a group and fit in. My parents were strongly against me ‘being just like everyone else’ when I was a teenager and it did me no favours, when I was young Adidas tracksuits were the ‘in’ thing, looking back of course they looked awful and chavy but really what was the harm?

You've just made me laugh at a memory.

Back in the 90s I was desperate for Calvin Klein knickers - the ones with Calvin Klein emblazoned on the waist band
Of course my parents refused to buy them, stating they were a waste of money and I didn't need them.

I saved up my pocket money and bought 1 pair for £5, because that's all I could afford.

I was so happy.

My parents found out and hit the roof.
My mum kept bleating on about the waste of money and I could have got 5 pairs of knickers for £1 in Tesco. 😁

I think my point is every generation is sucked in by advertising to buy crap they don't need.
For me, it was magazines, billboards, tv.
For this generation it is tik tok, influencers and social media.
The medium may have changed, but the message is still the same.

Better then to develop critical thinking skills early in life so children are able to protect themselves, given we are not going to successfully eliminate these challenges - as much as we might like to.

Developing interests in sports, the arts, history and music will also diminish the influence of SM.

When mine were teenagers, I just used to say “sorry we don’t have the money to buy that, if you really want it you’ll need to save up, or put on birthday/xmas list.
My two DDs are now adults and thankfully don't care about labels etc and think some of their friends/workmates are mad for spending what they do on labels/brands.

Agree. I was into make up (rimmel and boots 17) aged 10, lasted til mid 20s by which time I was buying expensive brands. I'm not vacuous and I couldn't give a hoot about that stuff now.

I think social media has professionalised everything and given people knowledge of expensive brands younger. Also some people are happy to spend £££ on their dc. A generation raised on cheap credit think nothing of buying expensive cream for a 9yo or expensive trainers for a teen or buying latest iPhone for a child.

I read something the other day saying all these unnecessary chemicals and lotions obviously get absorbed into our skin, and effect hormone levels, endocrine system etc. eg high levels of vitamin a? Or e? I forget which, but it builds up in unsafe levels in the liver and it is not good. I'm mt opinion, not something children should be using, plus the acid face products, are they even using sun screen?! Like vaping, I wonder what the future health issues will be.

Another problem is that the children are victims of mass advertising. Much more sinister than the old days, now they have the sense of inadequacy and endless prompts to buy buy buy being piped into their own rooms via smartphones every day.

But it's not just some glossy make up laboratory TV advert now, it's "real" influencers (an oxymoron, I know) who are fostering this ersatz relationship with younger people just to flog the crappy overpriced chemical laden products.

My 12 year old is into some brand, make up etc. she’s also reasonable intelligent. It’s not something I see as a problem and yes I do parent my 12 year old, I just don’t mind what she spends her pocket and birthday money on. I have drawn the line at her piercing requests tho!

she’s also reasonably intelligent, pretty good at sport and a very kind, sweet girl!

We had to contend with that too, girls rejecting any kind of natural femininity. It was disturbing and toxic.

Indeed.

@CarryOnCharon it was ever thus.

Teenagers have been accused of liking the wrong things, dressing the wrong way, listening to the wrong music and prioritising the wrong things forever.

The 12 year olds now will be complaining about the same things with their children in 20 years.

I had to sit down with my daughter when she was 8 years old as she was developing a bit of a 'I'm not in to wearing dresses or anything girly, but they are - urgh, I'm so cool and different' attitude towards some things and I wanted to put a stop to it straight away.

Reading some of the posts on here it would seem like there's some adults who could do with this chat too.

At 12 I had one Boots 17 eyeliner which is used to make panda eyes and colour my brows black 😂 I used to ask my mum for her old makeup, but she kept it until it was all dried up so pointless.

I actually think social media is one of the worst things to happen to us, for many, many reasons.