3 ‘baby mums’…. Instant red flag??

I honestly think it’s a situation whereby you have to judge the circumstances on an individual basis.

I have two children by two different fathers, they both cheated on me. So if anyone were to judge me for that I would seriously challenge them as I was prepared to be with both of my partners for life and I had to have IVF for both children so a long and committed process to have them.

Unfortunately life doesn’t always turn out how we want it to.

So no, not an immediate red flag for me, I would judge him on his behaviours towards me and that’s it.

Nope. Logistics and finances aside, what's the bet there is a crackers one within the mix? I don't have the energy for that.

didn't stop my ex he's a dad of 11

we were together 22 years met at 17 and 18
each others only
romantically and physically(i was even his first kiss) had 2 kids(planed and very much wanted if it makes a difference, son 2 was fertility treatment) who were 16 and 10 at the time
we were together 5 years before son 1 came along

happy for years and even trying for a 3rd baby

he went out one night in nov 20 for McDonalds at 10pm and never came home

next morning after me and his parents being frantic
he tells his mum he's now engaged to our friend Phyllis(not real name obviously)who we were all very close too

she had a fiancée Dave(they were only together 6 months)
(not dad to any kids)they were trying for a baby as well

with in hours Dave got thrown out at 3 am
ex and P got engaged(she asked), they slept together and are trying for a baby
all with in roughly a 12 hour period

and without my knowledge that morning took his name off our claim and transferred it to hers
we were both on benefits and carers allowance as both sons are disabled and home educated as need 24/7 care so a joint claim

i was so happy the bills and money was in my name as he would have made us homeless

now she already had 7 kids by 7 different men(all before we became friends)6 all born 10 months after each other
so had a new-born went with another man x6
no dads involved and all under her name

6 of these have either autism or ADHD(the amount per month she was getting was thousands as each child was on high rate DLA)

both were adamant they wasn't an affair, Phyliss and Dave had a row and Dave had left
P rung ex to talk and he went to visit her(i had no idea all this was going on)P then declared her feelings for ex and it went from there
he literally decided to give his whole life up in that moment

few months later they married in early 21,how in a pandemic i never know but a registry office did it
just them, kids and oldest son(just turned 18)was the witness

she was already pregnant with child 8 and a week or so later ex put his name on all the kids birth certificates

now i knew that had to be illegal as he's not the dad but i didn't get involved
let any legal repercussions catch them up but it had been a few years

so with in months technically ex became a dad of 10(baby was born late sept 21)
AND she's pregnant again so soon 11

ex doesn't bother with my kids since the day he left,(kids were
so disgusted by his behaviour they didn't want to know and has never met the new baby)
hes also so busy with her kids he hasn't asked
i get my info from his mother
before that he was a 24/7 carer-parent
great dad and great partner

so there is people out there that will put up with this kind of behaviour and accept all type of baggage

Yes. What's the difference?

Nope nopety nope nope.

One break up of a relationship which produced kids would be bad luck. Two is a coincidence. Three looks like a trend. I wouldn't necessarily write him off on that alone, but I'd be on the look out for other red flags.

As a matter of interest would posters feel the same about a woman who has children with 3 different fathers?

No - if only because anyone successfully coparenting with 3 different people would have their hands full and I don't think capable of being a good partner to yet another person.

The 1 year old would bother me as much as the multiple mothers. Nah 👍🏼

Yup he ghosted me around the time I stumbled across my OH. We went on a date 10 days later. Weren’t ‘official’ for another 8 weeks after that but I didn’t date or message anyone else from the point I agreed to go out with him! I’m hardly use them and lose them, I was married for 15 years and went on a grand total 7 dates (5 guys) before I met my OH 🤷🏻‍♀️

I never met that guy. We messaged for a few days, agreed to a date and then he vanished. A week after he vanished I met my OH. It’s very common to be messaging multiple people OLD, I always assumed anyone I was messaging was also messaging other people! I didn’t message anyone else when I met my OH, he stood out! Been with him 18 months so I guess was right about him!

I’ve always said I wouldn’t want to be with someone who has kids by more than one person. That’s probably judgemental, but that’s what I thought.

I'd talk to him, maybe even be friends, but I would not have a relationship with him.

They mentioned meeting their DP one week later after speaking to someone..It's weird how you don't see it's quick... Enjoy your night

Isn’t that how OLD works though? You meet up with people that you seem interested in…. Someone ghosted her, she went on another date a week later and now she’s been in a relationship for nearly 2 years. You have no idea much time went before the pp was ghosted and then in an official relationship. Your comment is weird

Ha ha! No way. Christ. Not in a million fucking years.

Would be a no from me

No

I wouldn’t even use that man as a dick appointment. Awful stuff

One week later and so quick to jump into another relationship, doesn't sound like you are any different ethier ,in a sense of jumping from relationship to another.

Currently there are 6% of respondents who believe that OP is being unreasonable?!

Can one of you please explain your thought process?

I definitely wouldn't. If I was crazy enough to, though, I would take contraception very seriously or would have to take into account becoming his new ex with child.

I had a similar conversation with a friend when I wa chatting to someone I met online, he had 3 DC by 3 women. He said they were all amicable but when he told me the contact arrangements he had I wondered how on earth he would fit any dates in! I have DD 80% time so that limits me. Ironically he ghosted me and I met my OH a week later.
I adore my OH but he has 3DC (all one women!) and that’s been difficult enough to negotiate. We’ve been together 18 months and recently had a conversation where we acknowledged it would be years before we could live together. We enjoy what we have (EOW together plus some with the DC).
Would I date a man with 5 DC from 3 women if I had 3 myself? Errrr, no.

It will be fine. What could possibly go wrong.

American?