To ask 23 year old to give his bedroom to step son?

I think it’s very harsh to kick him out. Would you be asking him to leave if he was your child or yours & dh’s? Most 23 year olds I know still live with their parent/s. As for all those horrified that a 10 year old is sharing with a 12 year old, the recommendation is that mix sexes don’t share after 10 but the reality is completely different. if it was council housing you’d probably still be on a waiting list for a bigger property at them ages.

Is there no way you can rejig the house to accommodate all? Dining room or other downstairs room be turned in to a bedroom or can you divide the younger children’s room in two?

so, what advice are you seeking from mn? divorce your dh maybe? you are clearly aware this is a battle between you and your dh and there's nothing mn can do for your situation.

It’s just a suggestion . A kitchen diner if its not tiny could be a family room and a lounge if not tiny could have a bed on one side and also maybe a sofa and tv. Storage is the key and not having too much stuff. It wouldn’t be forever anyway , adult kids do eventually move out.

On these threads it’s always a step children that need to move out/move rooms/not go on the holiday/treat/be in the family home less.

Between his parents , step parents and himself you should be able to scrape up enough money to make a garden room/office in your garden or hire/ buy a caravan to put on your parking area (if you have one) for 23 year old. You are over crowded at present time - bad for the growing children's development. Better no more children.

This. My home will always be my children's home.. things happen even as adults and they will always have a home here they want/need one. The two boys share, best solution.

Where I live there are very few options for rent and house shares seem to be a thing of the past

I think him and DS will need to share a room. He needs to know it's because his younger sister needs a female space.

Also that there will need to be rules for sharing with his brother

Why is it inappropriate for a 23-year-old to share a room with his younger brother?

If I were DD I'd be having a chat with the safeguarding lead at school. It's a disgrace expecting a pubescent girl to share with a tween boy.

Does he do chores, cook proper meals and pays rent/at least saves a large chunk of his income?

If he gets used to meals and “made service” being provided, having a large amount of disposable income and spends his free time playing video games, then I’m just wondering how likely any relationship living with a partner is going to survive long term. If you end up finding a solution for him to stay you need to make sure he learns these skills. Not many women will want to put up with a man in his late 20s or early 30s who doesn’t know how to cook, which washing machine setting to use or how to budget for bills etc. If he lived alone or in a shared house he would be forced to learn at least some of these but living with parents he might not.

Absolutely hilarious those saying an adult working full time couldn't possibly move out into a house share, too expensive - but OP should be able to scrape together a cool £20k or so to convert the loft or garage?! Don't you think if they could afford that they'd probably help the step son out?

What happens in a year when he moves out with a different girlfriend and they've got a mountain of debt and no other full time working adults to contribute to it?

There's nothing wrong with multigenerational living. This notion that every young person is better off throwing away money on rent is so pernicious

Whoever posted this as so far missed the point. There's nothing wrong with generational living, when there is space to do it. There is not space to do it here. And the adult who has previously moved out should be looking for a place, not playing "I'm alright, Jack" because they got the bedroom to themselves.

I really feel for the DSS, I can’t imagine asking my youngest DS who is 23 to move out.
I think I’d try some sort of partition/stud wall/bedroom swapping if your room is bigger.

Poor show all round. None of his parents can accommodate him.

House shares aren’t plentiful, cheap or fun.

This. DSS is an adult and should be part of the discussion. The adults decide.
DD does need her own room. If everyone wants separate rooms then a living room will need to be converted or space found elsewhere (garage, shed, caravan, cupboard under the stairs 😉).

I do not think DSS should be asked to leave. But compromises will have to be made. I think splitting a room or a sofa bed in the living room has to be a good option, and then maybe some space outside as a games room if achievable.

DSS is an adult, DS is a child. It is completely inappropriate for them to share a bedroom.

DSS is an adult, DH is an adult. They can share a bedroom.

Yes many agree. But what is the solution? 12 year old girl needs her own room

Which would create a 5-person household with no lounge?

Depending on where you live in the country it is very very normal for 22 year olds to live at home. Costs are astronomical. Something like 2/5 30 year old men live at home in the south east.

I feel sorry for him. No room at mums and now not and dads.

It's not your fault. It's a really tricky situation.

I think he and ds need to share and he needs to game in another room or at least not when ds is in bed

If you’ve got a kitchen diner can you make the living room into your bedroom ?

Any change of making room? A converted garage , a summer house in garden , a room divided ? I understand you conundrums as I would hate if any of my step children felt unwanted .

I'd move DD into the small bedroom, then look at dividing the room for the boys. Either with a room divider or heavy curtain, and make a quiet space for the youngest. Either set up a gaming space downstairs or he games with headphones

This is a father and son relationship where the father couldn’t be bothered to house the son as a minor. Even part-time, the child should have had a place in his father’s home. Letting him live there now is hopefully repairing some of that damage. Asking him to leave is going to make it worse.

Sorry OP but, in my opinion, it’s not enough for your husband just to say it’s not fair for his older son to give up his room. He needs to understand the needs of all three of his children and work with you for a solution.

It’s not appropriate for a girl of 12 to share with either of her brothers. If your husband thinks it’s OK then you need to point him to https://www.nspcc.org.uk/keeping-children-safe/in-the-home/sharing-a-bedroom/ ‘children of the opposite sex over the age of 10 should not share rooms’.

All three of the offspring are his so he needs to be fully engaged, with you, in resolving the situation, not handing it over to you to resolve on your own. This situation is not your sole responsibility.

Does his older son’s desire to watch stuff online/TV and do gaming trump his younger son’s need for quiet? I understand the older son’s problems but, as an adult, he should also be mindful of his siblings’ needs. As an adult maybe he should be brought into the discussions to find a resolution ? One day he might have a 12 year old daughter who needs her own space.

Even if he is not in a position to find his own accommodation, he is 23, has experience of living outside a family home, and should be able to help with problem solving.

This, and DSS wears headphones, uses a tablet/his phone to watch his stuff, and no co-op headset gaming after Ds bedtime.

Problem solved.

No - thats the point, he will have to have lights out and quiet at the time that DS goes to sleep