To ask 23 year old to give his bedroom to step son?

I don't think anyone is suggesting that one of the children should be thrown out are they? Just an adult who has previously lived independently.

There has been that awareness. Just without the aggressive language, mum-bashing and spurious remarks. It has been quite solution focussed and sensitive.

Now we have “chuck him out’ etc. honestly, who talks about chucking a child out the house with nowhere to go.

DSS and DS should be sharing it is inappropriate for DS and DD to share. DSS will need to change how he behaves in his room I.e. programmes watched/games played and if he is not happy with that then he needs to find alternative arrangements.

Have a sofa bed in the lounge then he can sleep there. My dh had to do this for a few years when he was in his late teens after his two older siblings both had their partners move in! He loved it, having sole control of the tv into the small hours! Your DD needs her own room.

Poor 23 year old, I know dd needs her space but basically his mum won’t have him now his dads house don’t want him
23 is young to have to completely support yourself financially in a flat, it’s not the 1980, times have changed

Would it be possible to convert the attic or a garage ? For your Ss. obviously it is going to cost but it would be cheaper than moving, you might get away with boarding the floor and insulating and a sturdy loft ladder as a temporary measure, don't make it too comfy, he won't want to leave. 😂

There’s a tangible change in tone now the second wives club have turned up.

It’s all getting pretty nasty and aggressive.

No it’s not - just awareness that the DSS has two parents, and I’m not sure why his mother seems to be spared any responsibility?

There’s a tangible change in tone now the second wives club have turned up.

It’s all getting pretty nasty and aggressive.

Quite violent language? What’s the OP’s DSS ever done to upset you!?!

Agreed. He shares a room with sibling and has to leave the room at bedtime.

DSS to share with DS. The current arrangement shouldn’t continue. If he wants to do exactly want he wants then he needs to pay for it e.g. staying up late watching 18 certificate films etc. Living with others require compromise, he would have to compromise to a degree if he lived with flat mates or a partner. I do wonder how long bedrooms need to be provided for these days for children. 30? 35?!

if he wants to sit up late watching films, gaming then could he not do that I'm the living room and just share the room with 10 Yr old to sleep. Also. 23 Yr olds don't get to have their cake and eat it. Your house, your rules, so he doesn't get to watch inappropriate films/game until all hrs etc. No wonder he doesn't want to leave if he's being treated like a dependent child rather than an independent adult.

Your husband then by your responses is being unreasonable. He is putting the care of his first son over the care of his daughter. If you dss was prepared in the past to cut ties i.e. by living elsewhere from both parents then he is quite capable of doing this again i.e. rent a room somewhere else. Look at what options there are for both parents to fund maybe partially having a one bed somewhere and he contributes the rest himself if he refuses to just rent a room on a shared house / apartment.

Time to move ds into the bigger room with dss.

It's appropriate to split the children down the lines of gender and not who gave birth to who. Leave daughter on her own in smallest room.

dss at age 23 is old enough to realise the current sleeping arrangements have to change.

dss probably won't like it. He probably will look at options to move out.

But just keep it amicable.

You can have your son around you but not necessarily live togther

And unfortunately, no ones fault, the house isnt big enough to accommodate him. He came back temporarily, he now needs to leave.

Yes, that is also a good idea. But OP said that her DH enjoyed having his DS around.

This

Its true that different areas of the country have different prices and availability, but I do find the absolute refusal, where posters are aghast, to consider that an adult offspring move out into a bedsit/houseshare/room rental part of the overall infantilisation of our society. It does no one any favours

This is a grown arsed fully grown man of 23 we're talking about and yet people are horrified that he move out and make a home for himself on his own. It wont be some chichi flat, no, it will be a room above a chippy or something but its part of growing up, independence, making your way, flying the nest. People are entering their 30s as if they're only just turned fully grown adults these days.

Not helpful to them or the wider community.

@Grammarnut or maybe the DSS’s mother could move to a bigger house, or get an extension built?

DD is too old to be sharing with her brother, even if he is younger. You all seem to have forgotten that DSS is a member of the family too, and needs your support. My DS came home after his divorce and lived with us for 2 years before he managed to sort himself out and get divorced (had to go for 2 year option as there is no longer legal aid to help with divorce). Put your DS in with his half-brother, in the larger room and give DD the smaller room. Then either think about extending or moving somewhere bigger - what was anyone thinking of by not doing this earlier? You have 3 DCs, one part-time, and DSS's DM has two. No-one has made provision for this young man and how his DHS managed to share a bedroom with her parents until she was 7 eludes me.

Put your young DS in with you in your room; DD gets her own room.
Not ideal, but DD needs to not share with a male sibling. And you and DH are not willing to male any other changes

Ok, can you partition the shared bedroom? Even on a temporary basis? Can you help DSS into a flat share? Can you extend into the roof or a cabin in the garden?
can you divide the master bedroom and move into the smaller one? I’m stepping away from emotion here and looking at simple practicalities.

What size are the rooms in your house OP?
Would also echo the PP who asked when his mum is doing about it...

Why is this all on you now then what's his mum doing to accommodate both her dc? bearing in mind that's been his bedroom for his entire childhood perhaps his mum and her daughter should share a room in their 2 bed house and he share with his mums partner as she seems to be the one that's has caused him to be on the verge of homelessness and now passed that problem onto you.
I wouldn't want to sleep in a separate room to my husband and clearly nor does his mum so I don't see why it's down to you to do the sacrificing. Surely his mum also has a lounge or dining room too.

Very good point - this is also his mother’s problem

But it's not the 23 year olds bedroom though is it? It belonged to either your DD or DS who moved in with their sibling on what was to be a temporary basis.

Do you have a dining room or can you convert a loft or garage that would also add to the value of your property as well as giving DSS his own room