To ask 23 year old to give his bedroom to step son?

This.

She needs her own room now and shouldn't be sharing with her male siblings. She has the right to privacy.

Then unless there were pressing financial considerations, your mum was unkind. That doesn’t mean you need to be unkind to other adult children in the same situation.

When I moved back into my parents I slept on the sofa bed in the living room with the understanding that during that day it should resemble a living room. I kept it clean and tidy and was working full time so not an issue.

whitebutterfly3 · 13/05/2024 17:05
Ds and dss sharing isn't an option as dss is a grown man and ds is very young for his age and dss is up until late and the games he plays and films he watches are inappropriate.

Your daughter really needs her own bedroom now. I would move dss in with your ds and ask him to restrict playing these games/watching these adult films (using headphones) to some other quite corner of the house (kitchen maybe, if you haven't got another reception room?) and only use the bedroom for sleeping in, trying not to wake your young ds when he eventually goes to bed. I am sure he would not be too happy about that, but if you stress the need for your daughter to have her own room at this age (I think it is by law, I'm not sure) hopefully he will see the logic in it and agree to switch rooms. If he gets annoyed about it you can THEN offer to help him find affordable alternative accomodation if he prefers - but don't suggest that unless and until he complains, or he might think you are deliberately trying to push him out of the house, and become resentful.

The OP's husband is pretending to ignore his daughter's situation because he wants to keep his 'first family' child happy. A common dynamic in step families.

It’s completely unacceptable to have your 12 year old sharing with her brother, she’ll be starting her periods soon if she hasn’t already, her body will be changing, and your selfish husband expects her to navigate all of that whilst sharing a room with a boy? Why does he think that’s appropriate?

I was 22 at the time, younger than the DSS. Mother had downsized and there was nowhere for me to live with her. And that's a spurious argument?

I actually moved into, yes, a houseshare. I didn't get a flat to myself because guess what? I couldn't afford it.

Which is what the DSS should consider doing.

Oh stop. If you can’t see the spuriousness of your argument I can’t help you. The mental gymnastics to demonise the DSS are impressive.

Let’s stop detailing the thread now. There’s plenty of helpful advice coming through ✌️

the rental market is so so brutal at the moment. Depending on where you are it can get to £1k plus for a room.

I feel bad for DSS neither of his parents have room for him. :(. The reality is unless you’re well off or in a well paying job straight out of uni most people are back home until mid to late 20s.

could you support him with a deposit for a room or he makes up the dining room for a few months with a view to leave end of summer.

But I was her child!

Not inconsiderate at all. Would have been ridiculous of you to ask your mum to give up her home so you could be homeless together. Quite the drip feed dear.

Can the parents sleep in the lounge? Obviously the 23 yo would have to vacate the lounge when parents go to bed but he’d have his own room so not an issue.

How about a sofabed in the living room and put his stuff is DS's room?

Well she would have had to move out of her over 55s housing so that I could move in with her but yes, how inconsiderate of her not looking after her child.

And yes, I have already RTFT but thanks for the suggestion.

Oh come on. Some of you are being really dramatic.

When people say "chuck him out" they're using that as shorthand for "have a conversation about moving out, offer to help him find somewhere suitable, maybe offer him a small incentive". They're not talking about putting him out on the street

I would say he doesn't need to move out but he does need to share with his half brother as it's more appropriate than mixed sex children sharing at this age.

I feel bad for you she didn’t. If you RTFT you’ll see that most parent do take care of their adult children and consider 23 to be quite young to move out in the middle of a cost of living crisis.

Perhaps I should have insisted my mother should take me in when I needed somewhere to live - after all, I was still her child 🤷‍♀️

This seems best

This is about one family not two. Your prejudices are showing dear.

crumbpet · Today 16:44

This. Until DH sorts it and either buys you a bigger house or chucks him out

Unfortunately, the thread has taken that turn. An adult child is still his father’s child and doesn’t deserve to be made homeless.

Does the living room open to the kitchen diner, could you split the living room to make a small bedroom and incorporate the rest into the kitchen diner to make a living/kitchen/diner?

Do you have a garage that can be converted? I think garage conversions are significantly cheaper than loft conversions, usually.

Is the largest bedroom big enough to split into 2, or 2 adjoining bedrooms into 3?

While it’s you and your children impacted, nothing will change.

Solution is you and DD share main bedroom, DH and DSS in bunk beds, DS gets the smallest room.