Would you date someone who was HIV positive?

It isn't transmissible with medication apparently.

It wouldn't be a deal breaker for me - especially if I really liked the person and felt it was going somewhere - as others have said I'd appreciate the honesty and I understand the treatments etc now.

I'm a bit shocked by this thread - the hostility and also the idea that it's still a 'gay man' thing - as a woman who grew up in the 'smart girls carry condoms' era I know it's not a gay disease

It would make me feel anxious.

I don’t know if it can be suppressed nowadays to the extent that it’s unlikely to transmit, but I would also want to be able to have unprotected sex (I suppose if you really liked someone this is a sacrifice you could make). But would still worry. Likewise cuts etc.

I’m already a hyperchondriac and bad enough about inconsequential hygiene, it would just add a layer of stress that would make life feel more difficult and complicated. Again though, if it’s someone you were sure you liked a lot, perhaps it’s something you could accept.

I guess it feels like a whole load of extra stuff to worry about.

I’m sure people’s experiences and what they absorbed in the 80s / 90s when there was a huge stigma play a part here (including for me). It just instantly sets me on alert.

I think ultimately it’s ok to feel a serious health concern is a dealbreaker, although I appreciate how disappointing this must be for the guy who lives with it. There was also no need to block him. Although it sounds like in the circles they mix in he might have expected censure?

Have you ever been on a coldsore/herpes thread? Similar ratio of people who wouldn't consider dating someone who disclosed that they had herpes (either type).

EDIT: SORRY! This was in reply to the post below yours.

I mean I wouldn’t date someone with herpes either. As I said any disease that’s transmissible would be a no from me.

No I wouldn't. I am aware of the advances in medicine but the answer is still no.

You dont have to date anyone you don't want to to
But I thought people with HIV had a more or less normal life span these days ?

It depends on how I liked them. It’s easy to say no- but if I imagine meeting dh again and he had disclosed it it wouldn’t have been a dealbreaker. I really liked him from the outset, and I can honestly say I’d have listened to the facts and tried to work through it.
I guess my answer is- casual maybe, it would put me off.
If I really liked someone though, I’d be open.

I think it’s really disgusting the number of people proudly declaring on this thread “no I wouldn’t date a person who has HIV”. Just shows how deeply entrenched, alive and well HIV stigma is. Ultimately it’s this very stigma - and the flagrant, unashamed, open expression of it- that facilitates the spread of HIV, and makes the lives of people living with HIV so much harder, so well done all of you 😡.

Ultimately, who you choose to date is a personal choice and entirely up to you, of course. You are free to reject someone because they are ugly, fat, their health status, they have a disability, you don’t care for their race, or any other reason you choose. But often in real life, who we choose to date is determined by our heart and not our prejudices- ableism, racism, or anything else. So how about keeping quiet about your prejudices; recognise them for what they are, and keep in mind that in reality to you might be more open minded than you think, if you found you fell in love with the person.

Blocking someone because they tell you they are HIV positive is also nasty as hell behaviour. Just a “no thanks I don’t think we are the right match and I wish you well” should suffice.

rant over 😅

I'm not sure why you think that's such a zinger. You cared enough to make your first post without prompting. You clearly do care in some capacity.

Thank you very much @clarepetal - fingers crossed! We've been comparatively lucky in that family and select friends know and everyone has been totally cool with it. Lots of questions obviously but no stigma.

It is really enlightening to see how much stigma is still out there.

I wouldn't, but I also wouldn't block someone after finding out.

I understand the risk is tiny, I still wouldn’t take the chance for someone I’ve only swopped a few text messages with.

It would be different if meeting and falling for someone the old fashioned way.

There's not much point asking a bunch of mostly middle-aged women if they'd date someone HIV positive, when a) they are not gay men and b) most of them were not old enough to have known their entire friendship group be wiped out by AIDS. Gay men of other eras have different memories, and if they have survived their lives without becoming positive don't want to risk becoming positive for some random date - I'm sure if they fell in love it would be different.

It is generally harder for women to pick up HIV and our experience is totally different to that of an older gay male wanting to date another man.

Gobsmacked by some of these answers.

There's a lot of people still living in the dark ages. Treatment, transmission etc. have advanced so much in the last 20 years. The chances of you catching it are tiny. It's very much a controllable disease.

Never

Yes, I would. If they're getting treatment, then there's zero chance of catching the virus.

And yes, of course you can choose not to date someone for whatever reason you want. But anyone who says they wouldn't in a million years date someone HIV positive is an extremely ignorant and prejudiced person in my opinion.

I wouldn't and that's my choice. I know it's not a death sentence now but it's life limiting due to the medication if it's passed on.

On a different note- I hope he'll get some closure next Monday. Xxx

But that relies on absolutely trusting another person who you are just getting to know to take the medication, and on time spent researching enough to try and get to a comfortable position in your head about the risk... Which is a big ask for a new person in your life when you could just, not.

No !

All the people saying they wouldn't, what are your reasons?

My immediate reaction is yes I would. I know a lot about modern treatment, etc, etc so it doesn't feel like an especially scary illness.

But, then I thought - you've met someone on a dating app, they're upfront about their status albeit not until after you've matched (good), yes they are almost certainly compliant with meds and safer than someone who you don't know their sexual/iv drug history/status, it's still going to niggle - what if they're not great at taking their drugs? It's a lot of trust and just that bit more hassle that someone who's not positive. Unless you're already feeling a good connection then I can see why someone would pass.

And yes, rude to just block, but also I bet the other person was embarrassed at facing up to their own prejudice and really just didn't want to explain. I do think it's a bit off for the dp to be making a big deal of it on social media because people are allowed to chuck you, even if it's impolite, even if it's for reasons that are medically illogical, even if they're prejudiced.

Yes, I would. I saw an quote from a doctor who was saying that he would rather have HIV than diabetes. The impact and life expectancy are better for HIV than diabetes due to advances in medicine.

This is what I mean. I didn’t realise there was still so much of a stigma! Crazy.