Would you date someone who was HIV positive?

Your wrote: "The resulting sex ed classes at school meant to help us, and surely did save lives, but gave my generation some pretty extreme health anxiety around sex."

You alsor wrote: "Physically speaking, women are much more at risk than men to getting HIV via heterosexual sex because it's transmitted via fluids."

This is scatty understanding. There needs to be a cut or abrasian (more common in anal sex) for women to pick it up via PIV sex.

What are you banging on about? You can't read clearly presented facts.

Thanks for your sympathy for the decimation of my friends and colleagues.

You're deliberately ignoring what I wrote; if you don't know what heterosexual sex is I can't help you.

Also, I never said I only learned about these things in school. You shouldn't have assumed that.

There were still 630,000 people who died last year of Aids. Many possibly wouldn't have access to treatment but some also become drug resistant. It's not a risk I'd ever knowingly take.

People also lie. My friends partner deliberately exposed her. She had no idea he was positive. She found out he wasn't taking his meds and it was possible for him to transmit the virus. He's back on tinder and other apps but the police won't do anything until someone tests positive.

Oh, and by the way, I didn't hear about it at school. My friends fucking died. Beautiful young men.

• Receptive anal sex carries a much higher risk of HIV infection than receptive vaginal sex. Research shows that the risk of HIV transmission from receptive anal sex is up to 18 times higher than from receptive vaginal sex.

From that study. I think that makes it pretty clear.

You are incorrect.

I said via heterosexual sex. The screenshot is from the study you linked. Women are twice as likely to get it.

That's incorrect. A woman's risk is estimated to be far lower. But of course, you could still become infected after one exposure.

Risk of Exposure to HIV/AIDS | Stanford Health Care

I grew up in the era where I knew of one woman who died of AIDS and another who killed herself, and many dozens of gay males who died of AIDS.

Also, that was not a criminal case, so Thomas was not found guilty of anything, nor did he admit liability.

If we fitted in every other way, yes i would, as with the right drugs, transmission is off the table.

Would i date someone with oral or genital herpes? No, i would not. It comes down to the fact that i could be protected from ever "catching" the HIV, but there aren't the same medications to prevent the "catching" of herpes, and that can be really dangerous. Ok, they can take anti virals to reduce the load, but those often are not prescribed long term, and there's always a risk that they're contageous before they realise they have an outbreak coming on.

Blocking was a bit harsh, BUT they were probably doing it to protect themself from potential backlash. He had no idea if he would take the rejection politely and understanding, or lash out, and the fact some people have reacted badly, it seems he was right to be worried.

Absolutely everyone has the right to not want to date someone for whatever reason they want, and that should be respected.

Cases like that are very, very rare.

I would, but then there would have to be the trust there to start with about them taking medication etc. I am aware that treatments have come on leaps and bounds now, and it is no longer a death sentence.

Saying that, anyone can refuse to date someone else for whatever reason. But the blocking does seem a bit extreme.

I think anyone is entitled to refuse to date anyone for any reason. But I guess maybe the counter to that is that anyone can also judge anyone else for any reason.

So, no one has to date someone with HIV, but I think that is probably fairly indicative of some of your values, and expresses how you feel about the condition and as such it's also probably reasonable for others to judge you on that, esp if they are part of a community disproportionately affected by HIV and with a massive history of stigma and exclusion based on it.

No I wouldn’t. I’m in good health and I enjoy being in good health. It would be a no from me.

I think for most people with HIV you are correct. But most isn’t all and people do some really fucked up things (especially when relationships go bad).

Sorry to say I wouldn't.

I believe there are online dating sites specifically for people with hiv though so I would gently suggest that it might be a good idea for him to meet someone that way.

It is not about optimism it is about fact. The people with HIV that I know adhere to their regimens because they don't want to develop AIDS and, you know, go on to possibly die.

I am guessing you don't know anyone who is HIV+.

@IClaudine

You are more optimistic than I am.

You are comparing apples with oranges. A man not taking male contraception is not comparable in any way to someone with HIV not adhering to their drug regimen. Think of what the end result of the latter could be...

No, because I couldn't guarantee they were taking the medication needed to keep the virus undetectable.

The same as I wouldn't trust the male pill.

I wouldn't block though, that seems fairly brutal.

I would hazard a guess that the vast majority of people who are HIV+ adhere to their medical regimen. Just the same as anyone with a serious condition that could catastrophically damage their health if left untreated.

There is a lot of othering on this thread. I thought we'd left that well behind.

@FatOaf

I think most understand it’s treatable.

It’s this bit that most have a problem with.

Because if they have adhered to anti-retroviral therapy and have no detectable virus in their blood, they cannot infect another person.

In my case that’s too much trust to put on another person.

So, to be clear, you think a person knowingly infecting another person with HIV bears absolutely no personal responsibility

did I say anything to this effect? No. I said promoting fear/ stigma surrounding a disease creates barriers to testing and treatment , which drives spread.

I simply stated I wouldn’t have a relationship with someone who is HIV+

yes this is promoting/ inciting stigma surrounding hiv. It’s totally unnecessary to say, and also quite possibly false.

there are people who have posted here who have dated/ are close to those living with hiv. Perhaps read their posts and have a think , rather than be so quick to make assumptions.

So people who choose to be irresponsible with their health and put others at risk aren’t to blame, it’s actually the fault those of us who wouldn’t date someone with HIV?
If someone doesn’t disclose their status and knowingly infects another person, should it me who’s prosecuted then? Because apparently my personal boundaries are ultimately to blame?

Sorry, I haven't read the whole thread. Has anyone stated the person's viral load? Because if they have adhered to anti-retroviral therapy and have no detectable virus in their blood, they cannot infect another person. See web resources on undetectable = untransmittable (U=U) plus the original research studies listed below.

Cohen MS, Chen YQ, Ying Q, et al. (2016) Antiretroviral therapy for the prevention of HIV-1 transmission. New England Journal of Medicine 375, 830-839. https://doi.org/10.1056%2FNEJMoa1600693

Rodger AJ, Cambiano V, Bruun T, et al. (2016) Sexual activity without condoms and risk of HIV transmission in serodifferent couples when the HIV-positive partner is using suppressive antiretroviral therapy. Journal of the American Medical Association 316, 171-181. https://doi.org/10.1001%2Fjama.2016.5148

Bavinton BR, Pinto AN, Phanuphak N, et al. (2018) Viral suppression and HIV transmission serodiscordant male couples: an international, prospective, observational cohort study. The Lancet HIV 5, e438-e447. https://doi.org/10.1016%2FS2352-3018%2818%2930132-2