Would you date someone who was HIV positive?

But then that’s the case with any Sti. Treatment is so good for hiv these days it really doesn’t bother me. But I can see a lot of people still don’t understand it. Also why would someone who is knowingly hiv+ and enough so that they tell you, going to lie and not take the medication? As another poster said, it’s basically undetectable very quickly.

Has no condom ever still created a pregnancy… I’d rather risk a pregnancy than hiv and condoms can still give you babies so I wouldn’t trust one against hiv.

But surely you use condoms?

It's not exactly ideal but love is weird so who knows

Probably the most helpful and educational post on here. Very interesting thank you

sorry I worded that wrong. I meant “I second all the other posters opinions who also wouldn’t go for it but have phrased it better”. I still wouldn’t consider it.

Your ignorance is offensive. Educate yourself.

I think the answers on a forum like this, which is mostly used by women (and where users are men, they're usually straight men) are not really going to reflect the consensus among gay men of your BIL's DP's age on this subject.

HIV has a very different place in the lives of gay men, especially gay men who were dating in the 80s and 90s. There's a much, much, MUCH higher prevalence of HIV in that community and generally far less judgement about it, far more understanding of what living with HIV entails and better educated about what the level of risk is to partners, what the prognosis is etc.

A lot of older gay men saw friends abandoned by partners and family to die alone from AIDS when they were younger, and remember how awful the stigma of it was, and are therefore particularly angered by signs of that attitude still surfacing today.

Basically, what I'm saying is that being dumped and blocked by someone for having HIV would be seen as a lot less normal/acceptable in your BIL's DP's circles than it would be for the average straight woman.

Of course anyone is allowed to dump a partner for any reason, nobody's obliged to date anyone if they're not comfortable, or even give them an explanation for dumping them. Everyone has the right to make their own choices. But other people are also allowed to think those choices are a sign that they're a twat.

For example, there was someone on here who was dating a new partner who announced that he saw and heard 'spirits' who spoke to him all the time, and my advice to her was to end the relationship - but I'm sure there are plenty of people who thought that dumping someone for having a serious mental illness would make me a complete arsehole, and they're entitled to hold that view.

I’ll just go tell my partner he should’ve protected his health better when he was infected age 6 via his IV medication for his condition…

People are allowed to draw their own boundaries as to who they will date. I have quite a few, and I'm sure I'm outside other people's on occasion. It is what it is.

The blocking was harsh though, unless the person really felt the disclosure was too late for them so trust issues. I wouldn't have blocked but would have declined to date further. And then not been terribly surprised if the other person had blocked if they were upset.

But no one is owed a relationship.

I think a lot of people, including me, are still left with the hangover of those terrifying adverts in the 1980s. They put the fear of god into you. I understand all the medicine advancements and what that means in terms of transmission but I still would struggle to get past it.

Goodness what a depressing thread with, although some informed knowledge, the majority being quite negative with some blunt and at times judgemental responses, making assumptions and showing a lack of knowledge about how things have progressed over the years – maybe refusing to believe how things have changed. I get that this takes time to change, but bloody hell it’s tough!
Unsurprising that stigma is still such a thing which is a preventative to ending new cases of HIV by 2030. It stops people testing just in case they might have it due to the judgement they might face. Or if diagnosed, in the words of my nurse they “run for the hills” and go into denial as they can’t face the perceived reaction from friends and family. Mental health issues can be higher in people with HIV due to this.

Some factual information to those thinking HIV is a gay disease – there are more women worldwide living with HIV than men, with women being approximately one third of all HIV diagnoses in the UK. Here there are now more heterosexual diagnoses than in gay and bisexual men. https://www.tht.org.uk/news/heterosexual-hiv-diagnoses-overtake-those-gay-men-first-time-decade#:~:text=For%20the%20first%20time%20in,in%20gay%20and%20bisexual%20men.

Having been diagnosed with HIV about 7 years ago this is my perspective as regards dating:
I know I have HIV which is well controlled. I also know that from less than 1 month after starting my medication (now 1 pill a day, no side effects) that my viral load was undetectable and has continued to be so low I am literally unable to pass it on to any sexual partner. I don’t expect anything to change even if I miss the odd pill or take it late. There will still be zero risk. It’s not like my viral load is suddenly going to rise sky high, that is not the way it works. We have studies going back over 25 years where U=U has been proven - source: https://i-base.info/htb/32308
Due to regular clinic appointments (twice a year) and health MOTs I am well looked after and maybe healthier than some of my friends. I have one who has more issues controlling her high blood pressure with medication.

Dating can be tough regardless of having HIV. In any new relationship, if it’s going to go anywhere, for sure trust is important. This includes trust that for example someone is not going to cheat, or doesn’t have a secret addiction. I have dated a few men now and being older have found that the majority have some form of health condition which is usual as we approach our vintage years (I see myself aging like a fine wine ☺️). These have included diabetes, high blood pressure, epilepsy and needing to use Viagra. We all of us share what we are comfortable in sharing as we get to know someone, much as I would share that I am living with HIV if I liked the person and wanted things to progress further. In any relationship I would expect a partner to take care of their health including taking any prescribed medication, just as I would think they’d expect the same from me. I would not want to date someone who is judgemental without knowing the facts, much as I would try to learn more about any health condition that they have.

If anyone has ever tried OKCupid when doing online dating, there is a question “would you date someone with HIV? The tick box responses are Yes, No and Maybe. One of the best responses I saw was a No box ticked with “Maybe I should learn more”.

We can often fear what we don’t understand. Many of us can be entrenched in the past and the tombstone ads and it can be difficult to change the mindset of how things have moved on with effective well tolerated medication in the UK.

I wonder how many people responding actually know anyone living with HIV, married to someone who does not have HIV and has children.
If by any chance anyone reading is going to Chelsea Flower Show next week, come and say hi at the “Bridge to 2030” garden. There will be volunteers there, some living with HIV including myself on one of the days https://www.tht.org.uk/news/bridge-2030-garden-announced-rhs-chelsea-flower-show-2024

Did you not read the post upthread about the person infected due to haemophilia. Your post is absolutely offensive .

No I wouldn't, the way the NHS is going you'd have to be stupid to trust the drugs will always be available at all, let alone free.

(I have a long term disability. I'm not surprised or offended that I'm undateable.)

Absolutely not. I don’t care that you can Medicare and suppress the viral load. I am not putting my health and life into the responsibility of somebody who clearly didn’t even value his own health enough to take steps to protect himself from this in the first place.

I wouldn’t choose anyone with a long term health condition. It isn’t for me.

The rise in heterosexual woman is partially because more women have unprotected anal sex than before

I would. U=U

You seem very angry towards me. I am not sure why. I was just pointing out the facts of the case. Neither of us know the true story.

I wouldn't either. There are a load of things that would make me avoid a relationship. Some are controversial, others not so much. But that's my choice and I would never be told who I must date based on someone else's opinion.

Unfortunately, love hurts. Being defensive and aggressive towards it is absolutely not the right way to approach it. I suspect it's easier for him to shout about it than to accept the situation and that it WILL put some people off.

No, I wouldn’t. People can be lax with medications (even life saving ones), and/or develop drug resistance. It may be rare but it does happen, and that’s a level of risk I wouldn’t be willing to take. When dating single parents and religious men were also a hard pass, as were fat men, men with bad teeth, and men that weren’t on an equal financial footing to me.

People can be as ‘prejudiced’ and as judgemental as they like when it comes to dating. It’s not an equal opportunity endeavour.

I don’t think this would be a relationship-ender for me (eg. Ten years in and husband caught it via non cheating methods). However, I am not desperate for a partner, have my own (non-transmissible) chronic health conditions and in the beginning of a relationship it would have to be someone truly special that I would consider it worth the risk to my own health. I would break up with someone who concealed it from me or misled me.
I think the man who blocked your friend either didn’t see the relationship as worth the risk or perhaps was upset that he had been lied to (by omission) and felt deceived. The trust was gone so the relationship was over.

Nobody owes anybody a relationship. I have broken up with someone who had no table manners and listening to them chew was off putting. To the PP, no, I wouldn’t date a Muslim. I wouldn’t date a Mormon or any religious believer as I am an atheist and we wouldn’t be compatible. I wouldn’t date someone with active herpes. I wouldn’t date someone who had fathered children with multiple different women. I wouldn’t date someone who had cheated in past relationships. I wouldn’t date someone who (for no legitimate reason) chose not to drive. Everybody has deal breakers, just like I’m sure there are people out there who wouldn’t date me because of x, y and z reasons.

I can understand your friend feeling hurt, however, he is unreasonable to not expect his HIV status to be a deterrent to some (not all!) people.

PrEP has become a gamechanger...