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AIBU?

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Original poster

To be a bit upset about clicky colleagues

129 replies

PrincessBananaH · 13/05/2024 16:37

We are in a team of 10, all women in our 20s and 30s. I have noticed 3-4 of them have become quite close and often do things together outside of work, go out for lunch when in the office without inviting others and have their own Teams chat etc.
I am generally quite mature and don’t get absorbed into office dynamics (I am friendly and open with everyone but I am not clicky or bestie with anyone either) but this has been bothering me a bit lately. I noticed that if only one of the group is in the office, they’d just go on lunch by themselves rather than asking me or someone else to join them, for example.
Some of these behaviours bring me back to school days, AIBU to be bothered by it?

OP posts:
Dominoeffecter · 13/05/2024 18:47

KimberleyClark · 13/05/2024 16:47

I have cliquey ex colleagues. I saw a photo on Facebook of a group of colleagues who retired the same time as I did out for lunch. I wasn’t invited.

Are you sure they just don’t like you?

ouch321 · 13/05/2024 18:45

It probably is clear that you look down on them, and understandably, they don't want to spend their time with someone who views them in that way.

Chickenuggetsticks · 13/05/2024 18:38

I think if you were a group of 5 and you were the only one left out then YWNBU. But theres 10 in the office and 6 of you aren’t invited, you could go out with the other 6?

It is shit feeling left out even if you know it’s not entirely rational to care about not being included or that you aren’t being deliberately excluded.

SnapdragonToadflax · 13/05/2024 18:38

Are people really not allowed to be friends at work? I could understand if they were excluding just one person, or were being rude or bullying others... but it sounds like they've just become friends rather than colleagues?

Bestyearever2024 · 13/05/2024 18:34

Everanewbie · 13/05/2024 16:49

She means cliquey, as in a clique seem to be in charge. I couldn't help myself with a comment about cod liver oil. It makes my teeth itch like 'specific' being said as 'pacific' or idioms like 'the proof is in the pudding' No!!! The proof of the pudding is in the eating!!!!

Show quote history

I reckon you COULD have helped yourself, you know. I really really think you COULD have avoided posting a nasty little comment

But maybe I'm projecting kindness onto you, which you don't possess

OP....ignore the grammar witches

Re your work issue. . .I'm guessing those four particular colleagues only like each other. Not a lot you can do. I don't think it reflects badly on you 🥰😍

WitcheryDivine · 13/05/2024 18:31

Don’t do what a former colleague did and accuse them of bullying you because they’ve gone to buy a sandwich together .

WitcheryDivine · 13/05/2024 18:30

In my current job I’ve sometimes felt like you do OP but I just have to cast my mind back to other workplaces where two or three of us have particularly hit it off or work together a lot, you naturally end up socialising more but it’s not about who you’re “excluding”. Partly it’s natural affinity, partly convenience if you’ve got similar taste in lunch or whatever, but I’d say it’s mainly because trying to organise 10 people synchronising lunch and fitting them round a table is a royal pain in the arse whereas 2/3 is very manageable.

It’s not about you, if there are people you like why don’t you see if they want to have lunch?

MyFirstLittlePony · 13/05/2024 18:28

Why does it bother you if you do not want to be friends with them (as you say)

It is almost as if you begrudge them having some fun at work?

TheNameIsDickDarlington · 13/05/2024 18:24

From the OP I really don't understand the problem. There's a group of colleagues who are friends, they go to lunch together, if only one is in that person goes to lunch alone?

But then also OP says they don't want to be friends with this group as they don't want to spend their free time with them?

Ereyraa · 13/05/2024 18:23

People are allowed to make friends at work. Leaving one person out would be an issue; leaving 6/10 out is not.

Not everyone has to be friends.

Wednesdaysotherchild · 13/05/2024 18:20

Maybe it’s their joints giving them trouble…

Bambinomino · 13/05/2024 18:19

I don't see the problem if 3-4 out of 10 are a close group.

ShillyShallySherbet · 13/05/2024 18:12

”I noticed that if only one of the group is in the office, they’d just go on lunch by themselves rather than asking me or someone else to join them, for example.”

This jumped out at me, next time this happens why don’t you ask them if they want to go for lunch instead of waiting for them to ask you? They probably think you’re not interested in being friends with them. Sounds like they’ve just clicked with each other rather than formed a clique.

Bunnyhair · 13/05/2024 18:12

Do you ever ask one of these people to join you for lunch when their mates aren’t around? Or is it somehow their job to do all the inviting?

I never get this outrage about people being friends with one another at work.

You can make your own friends too if you want. It’s not against the rules.

Greywitch2 · 13/05/2024 18:09

It doesn't seem unreasonable. There are a small group of them who see each other out of work as friends as well as colleagues. They don't sound like they are bitching and whispering about everyone else, so it's perfectly fine.

I understand why if there is just one of them there they just go off for lunch alone. Surely you'd be aggrieved if they asked you to go just because they were lonely and their friends weren't there - and then dropped you when the others were back?

I genuinely can't see what they are doing wrong.

steff13 · 13/05/2024 18:01

Everanewbie · 13/05/2024 16:49

She means cliquey, as in a clique seem to be in charge. I couldn't help myself with a comment about cod liver oil. It makes my teeth itch like 'specific' being said as 'pacific' or idioms like 'the proof is in the pudding' No!!! The proof of the pudding is in the eating!!!!

Show quote history

I've always thought it was "cliquish."

drusth · 13/05/2024 17:59

VestibuleVirgin · 13/05/2024 17:25

Do they have bad hips making them clicky?
I think you mean cliquey (as in a clique)

Did it make you feel better making fun of her spelling when she's not from the UK? Pathetic.

Original poster
PrincessBananaH · 13/05/2024 17:25

@VestibuleVirgin yes we have already been through this in PP, thanks

OP posts:
Youcancallmeirrelevant · 13/05/2024 17:25

SherlockHomies · 13/05/2024 16:48

YABU, they're friends now and that's allowed.

They shouldn't have to invite everyone whenever they want to go out as a friendship group.

As long as they're not giving anyone the cold shoulder inside of work, or acting unprofessionally I don't see a problem.

This.

VestibuleVirgin · 13/05/2024 17:25

Do they have bad hips making them clicky?
I think you mean cliquey (as in a clique)

yogpot · 13/05/2024 17:23

They’re friends, that’s allowed.

ForAPicnic · 13/05/2024 17:23

This reply has been deleted

This has been deleted by MNHQ for breaking our Talk Guidelines - previously banned poster.

Floofydawg · 13/05/2024 17:22

Not everyone can be friends with everyone. It's not a crime.

Maddy70 · 13/05/2024 17:20

Not cliquey....some have become friends. they domt imclude you because youre a colleague. They have a different relationship

ToxicChristmas · 13/05/2024 17:16

SherlockHomies · 13/05/2024 17:14

I noticed that if only one of the group is in the office, they’d just go on lunch by themselves rather than asking me or someone else to join them, for example.

This 'behaviour' bothers you, why?

It'd be worse if they only asked others when their friends weren't around.

You'd be saying they're using people.

Show quote history

This.
It would come across as "you'll do".