To be a bit upset about clicky colleagues

Yabu

It's always like this

Group dynamics

Yes, could not agree more with this.

when I was younger, I used to get really hung up about work friendships.

One job I was in, years ago in my early 20s, I had a humongous crush on a colleague. A “friend” (lol what a joke) in the office was egging me on to ask him out, and told me that he’d also told her that he liked me.

So, I asked the guy out. He rejected me but people in the office ended up finding out about it - looong story - and it was horrendously embarrassing for a while. Turned out true he’d never saw me in that way at all, and this so-called friend of mine had been winding me up. Had a huge argument with her in which she told me I needed to “lighten up and take a joke”. We never really spoke again after that, and it has always stayed with me.

These days I try to be ‘professionally friendly’ with colleagues but that is as far as it goes, I never accept invitations to do things outside of work. I’m fine with this.

Hey@PrincessBananaH did you ever feel like you settled in? I'm dealing with this, my colleagues are okay and I don't think they have bad intentions but they are so cliquey it's really depressing when you're not accepted and actively feel left out. Not even activities, emails going unanswered etc and ignoring.

A woman successfully sued her workplace for damages recently, for not being invited by her colleagues on a night out

a) it wasn't because of the night out, she had already made a discrimination claim by that point, that was just cited as an example (and used as a clickbaity headline). The compensation was "for unlawful victimisation, unfair dismissal, race and age discrimination" none of which apply here

b) she was specifically the ONLY person not invited to the night out. OP isn't the only one being left out, she's in the majority.

right but nothing OP has said suggests that is happening.

Just because she feels unwelcome doesn't mean they are purposefully doing it

The things they seem to be doing like not inviting 10 people to lunch at the same time - seem completely normal, and practical tbh.
It's hard to see how them not inviting OP to have lunch together is purposefully making her feel unwelcome when she....also doesn't invite everyone else to lunch at the same time as her.

It's doubtful they thing of themselves as a clique, just a group of friends and there are more people 'outside' the "clique" than in it so it's hardly as if OP alone is being purposefully excluded.

If 3-4 are good friends and there are 5 other people not in the clique that's fine. Just because they get on well together it doesn't follow that they are sociable and comfortable with people they don't know which may explain why they prefer to eat alone rather than with someone they don't know.
I'd just be pleasant with them and chat more to the others. If they aren't being rude or unpleasant to you then don't overthink it. Most people have some people they get on with better than others.

I think it evokes the irrational irritation felt. I’m sorry you don’t like this figure of speech.

As you seem to like a bit of pedantry, teeth can’t itch. And it’s a cringy phrase.

and mine.

OP it’s a tough one. At least they’re a minority group, and you can’t stop people being friends, it doesn’t sound like they’re deliberately leaving people out. Just carry on being pleasant and friendly to everyone, and maybe suggest whole team socials.

@Everanewbie your comment was amusing, and it was right at the start of the thread. You didn't keep putting down the OP either, unlike others.

Fair play for apologising, that's very decent of you.

I laughed!

(Though I also had a hideous flashback to the orange-flavoured cod liver oil my mother used to dose us with as small children — why anyone thought adding orange to fish flavour was a good idea beats me…)

I don’t think anyone’s doing anything wrong here. People can, and always will, like some colleagues more than others. If it’s not involving unprofessional or unpleasant behaviour, and it doesn’t sound as though it is,

OP... been there. I found it quite hard at first.
Be friendly but just let them get on with it. Its only three of them who do it.
Maybe consciously make your own varied plans for your lunch hour, it will take the emphasis off them. I did a lot of walking and exploring. Admittedly, it helped that it was in a city centre.

😂

In your eyes
😂😂

Why are you so committed to being friends with this group rather than making friends with the other 4 or 5 people in your office ?

You just keep showing yourself up don't you?

I usually just ask to join the clique as I get FOMO!
Have you asked to goto lunch with them?

They have obviously hit it off and get on well. I don't really understand why it bothers you so much?

@rainbowunicorn

Yes mum, i will go away and have a think because you told me to.
Of course, you are never horrid at all, a real paragon, non-bitchy, even -tempered and saintly person, who has never said anything to anyone that might upset them
Mother Theresa is back

If you read the whole fucking thread you will see that I called out several twats for the same thing.
Maybe have a think about why you felt the need to try and ridicule the OP. You may well have apologised but it would have been so much better if you hadn't said it in the first place. You wouldn't have had anything to apologise for if you hadn't said it.

I do think there is something in the female energy that enjoys leaving people out.

It's like a power play.

You're included. You're not included. We are better than you. Women form cliques and leave others out

You see it everywhere. School, college, work.

Clique wars

Why don't you read the whole fucking thread. You would see that i have apologised to OP.
But, I was not the first to say this. Have you had a pop at the other PP who pointed it out, are are you just picking on one tonight?

Start your own rival clique with all the others? You'll be the bigger group.

You could do a rap battle or make a musical about it or something.

Wankers