to not feed my DS's friend snacks?

Could you make them up a box of snacks before the friend arrives and tell them that's all they've got for the day? It doesn't have to be unhealthy.

Then you have control over what they eat, but they have control over when they have it.

But it's not OPs responsibility to feed snacks to her neighbours child!
OP I would give one when they are playing and no more. Does your son get snacks at the neighbours house?

Given his parents don't let him snack like that do you think they would prefer you didn't give him lots anyway?
I'd ask them if it's ok for him to have a snack and if so, what would they prefer he has.

Then you can say your mum/dad have said...

yes I agree, well I don’t cook for them but I think that is because the one time I did it was unexpected as DS asked if they could stay for dinner, it happened to be one of my ‘interesting’ concoctions, Tuna sweet and sour as I thought I had chicken but didn’t and they never have really been back for a dinner cooked by me!

I can totally understand that, you are pleased that they have the friendships and social life.

My son had a friend at school whose family didn't do snacks ( or not as we know them) , and the lad was always asking for them at ours , I often overheard the friend asking my son if we had this or that in the house, it was I think just the novelty, not hunger. Like your son, mine rarely asked for them at that age, but knew what was safe to take without asking or not, the friend always wanted to see what else we had. So what was fair game.. wasn't what he wanted.

It wasn't they were super healthy eaters in his family, but it was a big family of 5 kids, the mum would say a six pack of crisps didn't make it in the door and then there was always one pack left with them all fighting over it .So she just didn't buy crisps, she said a packet of digestives didn't last 2 minutes so she'd make up a batch of pancakes and freeze etc, all the kids had great appetites' (the mum had an Italian mother who she said was a great feeder), so she just made what i would call mini meals, if a kid came to her hungry she'd make some scrambled egg on toast, or a frittata, or pasta, a bowl of a chopped salad with grated cheese, slices of fresh bread with tomatoes and mozzarella, then an hour later they be eating soup , followed roast chicken, potatoes and veg. My son always came home stuffed.

He doesn’t get cheese strings, mini cookies or tortilla chips at home so he is eating as many as he can at your house.

Just lay down a rule: one snack a day, at a time you call then, and if your choosing.

Demand for snacks / claims if hunger? “If anyone is hungry have an apple”. The requests will stop.

Move snacks to elsewhere so B not able to help himself. But keep the fruit bowl handy for them instead.

I live in a big housing development and am mostly at home, so I always had an open door policy. Ds1 in particular tended to play in groups and it was not unusual for him to burst through the door with 4 or more kids trailing behind. We had a strict no snacks in our house policy, if someone approached me complaining of hunger or wanting something they were told to go home. People who very occasionally do play dates are different, its a different dynamic. We sometimes would invite a school friend and would offer snacks or treats to them. My neighbours had the same policy and we all agreed to stick to this.

What is it with kids and bloody snacking these days?! They’re obsessed, it was never like this when I was younger. They seem to eat every 30 minutes

I find it weird his parents haven't taught him you don't request food in other people's houses. You politely accept or decline what's offered.
I think you just have to keep saying, no. There are none. Or just say 'no, bc you won't have room for your (next meal at home.)'
I wonder if his parents are actually not feeding him enough though. How does he look physically? Could you ask his mum if she can send him with some snacks from home as he seems a big/healthy eater? You could say you don't want to give him anything he's not allowed etc. I also wonder what your son eats round his house?

I would either say no directly to the child instead of getting ds to do it- just say something like - no more snacks left. Or I would give some cheapy veg- chopped cucumber, carrots and pepper. And even then I wouldn’t give it constantly. The friend needs to learn he can’t just constantly have unlimited snacks at yours but he will only learn if you say no. Maybe when you give them a snack say this is the only snack

We've got a similar issue with the girl next door, my DDs love playing with her but the minute one of them has an ice cream or a bag of crisps, girl next door spots it and suddenly wants to come over to play. I've also heard her telling my DD 'do you think you'd like a snack? maybe you should ask for one' or 'are you hungry? maybe your mom will give us both a snack if you go and ask'. In the end I had to have a word with next door mum, it was all getting a bit poor manners.

He's not asking for snacks, he's asking for treats. I'd be on a team offer apples or carrots, but he needs to be told its rude to beg.

We had a kid next door who always wanted to play and would ask for dinner, turned out his parents were not feeding him and there was barely any food he could make himself just bread and jam. It was me who discovered this due to actually talking to what appeared to be a cheeky neighbour, social services did know about the family already it turned out when I spoke to the school safeguarding lead. I don't know the end of the story

@Goldenbear

You got lucky, my house became the default hang out and I felt like a short order cook for sixth form and first year and a half of university (stayed at home, I was just pleased she had friends as has asd) covid put pay to that

You don’t need chips with a burger and salad followed by fruit.

Just be sensible about it. Saying no to snacks 10 minutes after lunch is totally reasonable.
One set of snacks in a play period of about2-3 hours is fair to me. They don’t need more than that.

It’s always kids whose parents who are overly strict who are like this. The kids whose parents are very strict about food who beg you for snacks constantly

I don't have kids but my mum always used to say exactly this. When she was a childminder she briefly looked after a child after school whose parents specifically said that they were happy for her to have a snack with my mum but that it mustn't be anything sugary, salty or processed. My mum said 'Of course, that's absolutely fine - I can give her whatever fruit or veg she likes, and I've nearly always got unsalted nuts in the cupboard too, so if she asks me for crisps and chocolate, I promise I won't be persuaded!' and her parents said 'Oh, she won't ask for you for those things, she's never really had them so she actually prefers fruit.'

On her first day, my mum brought the child home from school and said 'Shall we have an after-school snack? Would you like to choose something from the fruit bowl?' and the child paused for a minute and said 'Have you got any Monster Munch?'

Stop worrying, my ds had a couple of friends like that, they got 1 snack if they wanted more they could go home and get it. It caused no issues with friendships and they weren't underfed at home, just had parents who were more strict with snacks.

Just say to both boys at the start of the visit, ‘ok boys, there will be one snack at x time, just so you know’ and keep the snack on the dull side. Maybe digestive biscuit and half an apple or a slice of toast.

If he asks again just make a joke about the cafe being closed.

Buy a packet of digestives (no chocolate) and let him have one per morning or afternoon.

If he whines then tell him to go home for food.

If he opens cupboards or steals the send him home immediately.

Have a word with your son and tell him that the friend is to ask you directly for snacks and not to go through him.

https://www.sainsburys.co.uk/gol-ui/product/mcvities-digestive-biscuits-360g?istCompanyId=1e096408-041f-4238-994e-a7cf46bf9413&istFeedId=689af7a8-5842-4d88-be59-1ee5688a81b5&istItemId=wxwqmwpii&istBid=t&&cmpid=cpc&utmsource=Google&utmmmedium=cpc&utmcampaign=20333793068&utmmcontent=shopping&utmterm=%257Bsku%257D&utmmcustom1=&utmcustom2=759-449-0952&gaddsource=1&gclid=CjwKCAjw9IayBhBJEiwAVuc3fg6bKLcEZO4XklrOZpMRVpjR9WdCx7Pl8RVAu9AYbW0eEbeJ66mEBoCr8gQAvDBwE&gclsrc=aw.ds

People will immediately start telling you that you should be offering him healthy alternatives like carrot sticks as snacks, but personally I think that's bollocks and that if a child demands a snack rather than waiting to be offered, you just say a straight-up 'No, you don't need a snack, you've had lunch/breakfast/dinner'. He's not a little kid, he's nine years old and if he's asking for treats all the time and then whining 'It's not fair' when he doesn't get them, that's just plain bad manners.

If you generally offer your own kid a snack at particular times, like when they get from school etc, then obviously offer his friend one too, if he's there. But you really don't have to keep providing snacks to otherwise well-fed kids all day on demand, your own or other people's.

I agree. My mum was so strict about food, we weren’t even allowed to make smoothies as they were too sugary. No desserts, Easter eggs, Xmas chocs, no white rice or pasta, no butter.

As a result I was very greedy and had no sense of hunger cues/when I was full, I’d just keep eating and eating.

just get some big bags of fruit from the market. apples and oranges, they can be the play over snacks.

If he's genuinely hungry you wouldn't him to go without, if he's looking for junk its not on offer.

Maybe this behaviour is why his parents have limited those types of snacks

I'd start offering fruit or a healthy snack rather than 'treats', if he's hungry how about porridge. You'll soon figure out if he's genuinely or just wants treats