to not feed my DS's friend snacks?

My DS often plays at his friend's house down the street. He has something to eat at home after school then comes back from friend's house for his tea having eaten crisps, chocolate, biscuits and not wanting the meal I have prepared.

I have told him not to ask for food and they have been asked not to supply it but it keeps happening. He is ND so has poor impulse control, (we are working on this together with the food thing) but I often don't allow him to go there now for this reason.

I think he’s just excited by the availability of junk food as it doesn’t sound like he gets it at home. I don’t think you’re being unreasonable in refusing, by the sounds of it his parents wouldn’t want him eating junk food either.

I don’t go to work to earn money to pay for snacks for other people’s kids. I would tell the child no snacks myself.

Is your child going there to play at all-this sounds all very one-sided?

Its so rude to be asking for snacks like that especially when your poor DS is being whined at to go and ask for more.

I had a friend like this as a child. They would come to my house for a playdate/dinner. Firstly, she'd have me ask for extra snacks and then she used to say, "I don't like sausages so I will swap them for your chips." The early 90s where her parents wouldn't have dreamed of keeping a chip pan as it was dangerous and unhealthy. My mother took a while longer to catch on but after she found out there were no other playdates. Same friend used to "swap" my snack at school saying, "you have lots of those at home. I've seen how unhealthy you all are."

It's not a case of hunger at all OP, the boy is greedy and needs to be told no and tell DS to just say, no mum hasn't been to shops yet. Then hide the snacks.

Assuming he's a healthy size and weight, he's being fed at home.

I'd stock up on bananas as they fill up a bit more. Then I'd default to "your parents said I wasn't to spoil your dinner so it's one snack only".

If you are concerned that he is not getting enough to eat, maybe have a chat to the parents about boys always being hungry. You don't want to spoil his dinner, what's the thinking. They may just need to adapt his diet to cater for his growth.

I was going to say YABU and tight but that kid is excessive 😂😂😂

Get some really shit healthy snacks in so he stops asking 😂

My daughters best friend is obsessed with snacks, as she's not allowed them at home e.g. biscuits, chocolate, pop, crisps etc. I've recently started offering fruit or toast instead of the unhealthy treats we have in the garage, and she stopped asking. Having strict rules with diet isn't helpful to kids. Those kids will be straight to the shops with pocket money, as soon as they independently travel from school. We have 3 meals a day with a treat, but asking every hour for one is ridiculous.

I'd speak to the friend's parents, or offer "boring" snacks.

I was definitely this kid, because of rigid food rules at home, and I just had no experience of how to navigate it/sense that I was being rude. From 9 year old me's perspective, this would be a No! Rules! Food! situation and I would not have been able to see that there was a general approach of restraint, because to me a rule about food was something very prescriptive and unwavering - and I had no experience of regulating my desire for treat food as all the regulation was done for me.

What I would have appreciated would be clear, unshaming communication about what the rules/approach was in your house so I could fit in with that - I would not have twigged that I was breaking an unwritten rule, but I wouldn't have wanted to be cheeky or rude.

I wish our neighbours did what you're doing op instead of just feeding my Dd.

If I were you I'd give him a massive bag of carrots or celery and tell him that is all he can have. You could add a pot of hummus if you're feeling generous but theres no obligation to. He's not your responsibility.

To be completely honest, his parents probably hate you giving their son junk food all the time.

It's a bit of a messed up situation that a) you're giving him food that's bad for him b) your undermining his parents parenting and probably pissing them off because nobody wants other parents to give their kids junk and c) it's costly and inconvenient to you.... yet you are doing all this to be nice!

You need to reframe it in your head so you don't feel guilty for saying no (which you shouldn't). The good thing to do here is to trust your instincts and say no.

I agree with you and even the word snacks grate on me, kids don't need to be eating every hour it's ridiculous and a terrible habit to get in to.

Yanbu in the sense that it is not your job to feed him but yabu thinking a 9 year is doing anything wrong here that they would understand. My brother had a friend like this when we were kids and it reached the point where my mum would tell him to go home for snacks, it's no big deal when it's a few doors down.
Have you considered that your lunch might not have been enough to feed him - I had a massive appetite as a kid and always felt hungry after being fed by other people's parents. I would often have another meal when I got home.

I had this with two local girls but it was because they generally werent being fed enough. Poor girls were always starving so id have loads chocolate or jam sandwiches prepared for them and a few packs of crisps, didn't give the best snacks though as didnt want to get a reputation and have the whole neighbourhood asking for my snacks 😂

A box of snacks? Did you miss the bit where it’s not OP’s Child?

Kids don’t need snacks every hour, it’s ridiculous these days.

Difficult. I wouldn't give more than you would allow your son. Also if your son isn't allowed in the snack cupboard without asking then this boy shouldn't be allowed either.
Do they play at the friend's house or just yours?
He may also be trying it on with the "no nice snacks at home " too so would take that with a pinch of salt.
You could have a word with his parents along the lines of "just wanted to check if you're happy for him to have snacks at our house/anything he's not allowed/sometimes he asks for snacks at our house so thought I would check with you " if they say no snacking or no crisps etc then at least that backs you up if you need to refuse snacks and it makes them aware of the situation

@Notreat I think the snack thing is not so much that children are hungrier now or need snacks but that us adults are foolish enough to keep giving them to them. I'm trying to cut down at the moment and it's very difficult, they keep asking. I am telling them that it's OK to be hungry, feeling hungry half an hour before dinner is supposed to happen not instantly lead to a snack to 'keep them going'. Then so many parents complain kids are pushing food around the plate moaning they don't like dinner. Theyd probably devour it if they were hungry enough. No one ever mentions ruining your appetite anymore.

My niece says her dd wasn't going to have any sugar or anything processed. She later only wanted sugary things. Overly strict parents denial often only causes desire.

I wouldn't feed him extra without talking to his parents, they will have their own routine, they can pack snacks for him to bring to yours.

I have the same problem with my dds friend, if they want a snack when she is playing here (not a parent organised play date, just ‘calling on’ dd) then they both get an apple or Satsuma and that’s it, I quite often hear dds friend asking her to go and ask me for more snacks though but I can barely afford to keep my own kids in snacks never mind The rest of the kids in the street!

I have to say though that I have a friend who always gives my kids good snacks like chocolate and sweets and I hate taking my ds to her house because he constantly whines about being hungry until she brings out the snack box! I wish she would just give him something less exciting but she likes to give them a little treat while they are there.

If he’s skinny I would worry he’s not being fed at home and feed him just in case . . . Just thinking of the horrible news stories. I understand that’s unlikely and I get that most people can’t dish out endless snacks due to money.

because snacks like crisps are addictive. Kids aren't begging for toast every 30 minutes.

I agree. It's strange. Even when my kids were young asking for snacks wasn't a thing. A biscuit maybe but not constantly asking for snacks
My grandchildren though seem to be constantly hungry and asking for snacks .

Chop some carrot sticks up and pop them in a box with some grapes and cucumbeer,
And say thats it,,,no more snacks after this so make them last.

YANBU my child is constantly eating but I would t expect other parents to feed him constantly. Is a bit of a debate at home, I keep telling them they are not infants and they don't need to eat every couple of hours. They have full adult meals, the same size as me, but not quite as big as their dad's, but hey always ask for snacks and hour or so after! I would feed kids if they are playing here at meal times but wouldn't like them having constant snacks, is not only the cost but also the mess and the constant coming in and out of the kitchen.