To not want to go to my brothers graduation ceremony?

Child's birthday trumps a graduation.

Only parents are really interested in graduations.

I think it is fine to say I can't make it.
It is ok to prioritise your child on her birthday.
As her uncle he should understand that she will be your priority.
It is his 4th graduation. You must have been there for some or all of the other graduation ceremonies.
It is a shame that he won't have any family there. He probably has made some friends with some of the other graduates. Could he celebrate with them?

I can't remember any of my kids' first birthdays but I remember my brother's graduation.

Although things are probably different now with social media. If social media exists in 25 years time!

After reading more of your replies I think it's fine to not go. He's had 4 graduations and you child is only one once, you don't get that back.

Could you do your club netting in the day and skip the graduation but take him out for a celebratory dinner/drinks in the evening or in the week?

You’re right to go. If you are each others only family then the time will come when you appreciate him putting himself out for your dc and doing things he’d rather not.

None of our DC's attended their siblings' graduations.

YANBU

Do your own thing!

I've got mixed feelings. You're not unreasonable to not want to go - I didn't* *want to go to my own, never mind anyone else's. But if there really isn't anyone else who can be there for him and it's important to him then I think you perhaps should.
Personally I don't get why someone would be bothered about attending multiple graduations. I didn't tell anyone that there was one for me second time around as I felt I'd done my duty enduring the first one, so I absolutely understand why you wouldn't want to go, especially when you have something else significant happening that day. But it clearly is important to your brother. Reading between the lines it sounds like maybe his identity is very much tied up in his academic success? I think in your shoes I'd probably grin and bear it and hope he doesn't take any more courses!

I'd go, you're his only family and he'll still be around after you've lost contact with most of your baby group.

tell him you can't attend due to baby responsibilities.

Take him for a lovely lunch instead on another day.

You really need to distinguish between academic progression and multiple degrees of the same level. The former is a big achievement and worthy of celebration, involving significant effort from other people
The latter is not.
I'm all for people studying as much as they want , but, like running a marathon, the sense of personal development and achievement is its own reward. They don't need kudos from all and sundry.

using the 40th birthday celebration actually contradicts your point. You think the friend's 40th birthday, which is a party and only happens once, takes precedence over baby nap time which is an everyday occurrence.

Likewise, I think OP's daughter's first birthday, which also occurs only once, is as big an event as the 40th. And takes precedence over the graduation which for her brother doesn't seem to be an unusual occurrence.

Also I have multiple degrees and professional qualifications myself and have no respect for perpetual students who make a big fuss about the trimmings. Knowledge is its own reward, you're an adult, you don't need to be so attention seeking

He’s almost 45. I think I’d say I’m so sorry- it’s such a shame it’s that date. It’s dds 1st birthday and we have a day planned.

I wouldn't go. Four undergraduate degrees is absurd. It's grownup time now.

You don't really want to take a one year old to a graduation tho - do you ?
She will gain nothing from it.

and you can't find any childcare for that day, so sadly you can't go.

Does he not have a wife/partner/girlfriend/husband/boyfriend or even a friend that would be willing to go.

Well it depends how much you actually value and respect him doesn't it? I'm not getting much respect from the "perpetual student" sneer.

I would consider any graduation ceremony (even - maybe especially - a fourth) to be more important, and more worthy of celebration, than a first birthday party that the baby won't even remember. I'd go to a friend's graduation ceremony if they wanted me there. It's a significant academic achievement.

You can do whatever you want to do, but if you choose a baby class (FGS not even the birthday party!) over his graduation I'm sure he'll get the message. It'll be similar to a friend of mine who was told by another friend that she couldn't make her 40th birthday party because her baby had to nap at that time. Message was received loud and clear and their friendship has been dead in the water ever since.

I agree with this. I was thinking he was much younger from your earlier posts but aged 45 plus this being his third/fourth graduation? No, I'd keep my plans already made regarding my child. You and DH can celebrate with him another time, which will then also work with your childcare requirements. 🌹

I'm expecting to graduate from my masters degree in a few months and I'm genuinely not that bothered about whether anyone comes to see me walk across the stage in a silly hat. The main part of the graduation that I'm looking forward to will be seeing my classmates again and celebrating with them. In fact, in a lot of ways, having someone in the audience means that I'll be less free to spend time with the people from my course. Many of whom I'll probably be seeing for the last time.

I didn't even go to my own graduation.

I find these events so tedious.

How old is your DB? How old was he when he lost his parents?

Edited just read the answer to my questions.

I would not go. 45 years old and 4th graduation. Flying horses wouldn't entice me to sit through another.

45 and his 4th? I'd prioritise you this time especially as you have been to others.

He's 45 and it's his 4th ceremony? Good grief, no. It would be nice if you could be there but he certainly can't expect it! Especially now you are both older and have other commitments.

Fourth!!

Tell Him you'll go to the next.

He's 45, this is his fourth graduation ceremony. No I don't think that trumps your daughter birthday at all. I wouldn't go.

Graduation ceremonies seem to have a live feed these days - would he be happy enough if you watched it online and had a celebration dinner or whatever another time?

I’ve got a degree and a masters …..didn’t go to either graduation…if it’s his 4th it’s no big deal