To not want to go to my brothers graduation ceremony?

If you had put that he is 45 and it's his fourth UG degree in your OP, I expect that the majority would be saying focus on your DD that day.

She's not his only family though.
For all we know everyone else has similar 'weak' or, even worse, fake/no excuses. They just don't want to go/don;t see the point.
Also what 'support' does a 45 year old need exactly?

Your children come first now. He needs to understand that.

No way would I be putting a 45 year old blokes fourth graduation ceremony above my little girls 1st birthday. Time to put your big boy pants on Rodney and go it alone.

For you not to go because it's his 4th such graduation ceremony and you've been to the other 3 seems fair enough for you, but for him to have no-one there because his only family support wanted to go to a toddler/baby group with his niece and nephew seems a weak excuse. But he's your brother, you know what's best.

If he's worth preserving a 'relationship' with then he'd be mature enough to understand that his nieces' birthday trumps his 4th graduation!
Family is family, yes but it works both ways. It's on him to be considerate of what's important to his sister and his little niece, as much as it applies the other way around.

Could your DH go instead?

I've had two graduations and I had family at neither. My parents would have come to the first one but couldn't as they were traveling. The second one I was a proper grown up so I didn't even ask any family to attend. The first time I invited my boyfriend and best friend and the second we were mostly mature students so we just went for a drink together after. I had a great time both times hanging out with my mates and fellow graduates. If he's a grown up surely he can do the same. I wouldn't want to miss my daughter's 1st birthday either.

However, people are different and if he really wants you there it might have to be done for the sake of the relationship. 4 times though....bit much to still be requiring an audience in my opinion.

Reverse it.

Why, as an uncle, is he disinterested enough to not think, hang on, it's my niece's birthday that day. Stuff the dull-as-ditchwater ceremony, I'll check when sis is planning the tea and cake?

If the OP has done two graduations, maybe he could do one first birthday party?

OP you're seriously coming across as a bit of a doormat. Why did you even bother posting?
Most PP agree that your daughter's birthday is more important. The rest, well everyone's entitled to their own opinions but I don't think most of them have read beyond the headline.

You are not the only member of your family available for a major milestone graduation for your brother. This is his 4th qualification after having another of similar levels, you have been to 2 graduations already.

Yes, it's important to your brother - but why does that trump what's important to YOU? Why are you bending over backwards for him, when nobody else in your family can be bothered? Did your attendance in the previous graduations not matter at all? His obsession with academics as a major part of his identity and self-absorption in not considering what you've already done isn't your problem tbh.

Now, unless you're going to come out with a major drip-feed. Like, this is bro's first career change degree after recovering from a major illness/divorce/breakup whatever, the rest of your family are all dealing with similar and therefore can't come...

I'd just tell him you already have plans. You don't need to dither over whether your excuse is acceptable enough or not. Don't martyr yourself needlessly.

OP what's your relationship with your brother like generally?

The problem is he has a history of thinking his own wants trump everyone else’s. He doesn’t do so intentionally and he’s actually a nice person but hard work.

So at best he's thoughtless, at worst he's self centred and expects everyone else to pander to him. Does he ever put himself out, inconvenience himself or do anything he doesn't want to do for other people?

I'd look at the wider picture, beyond 1st birthday, mat leave, the last meeting of your group, and make a decision based on that.

Not a chance in hell would I go when he’s 45 and it’s his fourth degree.

I wouldn't miss anything decent to go to someone's graduation, fuck that

to be fair it is the fourth graduation ceremony he has had

Then I wouldn't go. If it was his first degree, fine, I'd suck it up and go (even though a graduation ceremony is very boring and his participation in it lasts about four seconds) but if he makes a habit of constantly studying and getting more and more degrees just for his satisfaction, then no, I wouldn't go. In fact, if I was on my fourth degree I wouldn't go to my own graduation.

If he's on his fourth degree and it's another Bachelors degree or another Masters degree on top of the three he's already got, then essentially studying is a hobby that he does because he enjoys it. There is absolutely nothing wrong with that - I'd love to be able to do that myself! But I think in that situation, asking you to attend his graduation is a bit like asking to come along to watch him compete in his golf club's annual tournament or something.

I'm sure it does mean a lot to him but there's not really any reason it should also mean a lot to you. I would definitely, in the kindest possible way I could, say that you're really sorry and you know he's worked hard for his degree, but you can't attend his ceremony this time like you did for his other three graduations, as it's your daughter's birthday and your final week of mat leave and you have things you need to do.

You keep saying 'I know I have to go' but you really don't. It's obvious from your follow up posts that your brother is a difficult and demanding man and that you're just in a rut of being a doormat and doing whatever he asks of you.

My child’s first birthday would mean a hell of a lot more to me than anyone’s fourth(!!) graduation. Ridiculous. The man needs to go and get a job - though I can’t imagine any employer wanting him on the basis that he clearly can’t stick at anything.

I don't blame you for wanting to make the most of your child's birthday and the last activities of maternity leave. Some might scoff but I think that this can be a very precious time for many of us.

Yes it is, and there are arguments either way, it's entirely the the OP's choice.
But the argument that the OP needn't bother because other people's kids didn't attend their siblings' graduation is irrelevant when there are obviously living parents. If there was a parent, partner or other sibling to attend in this case I don't suppose the OP would give the decision a second thought - regardless of whether this was her brother's first or tenth graduation, she'd almost certainly prioritise her daughter's birthday . Her entire dilemma arises from the fact that there is nobody else to go.

He doesn’t have to go either - I wouldn’t go in these circumstances.

It's also his FOURTH graduation and he is 45 years old so that's a bit different too.

You actually DON'T have to go. You are actually choosing to because you could say no.

It's his 4th graduation so he isn't a youngster having his first undergraduate graduation with no parents like other youngsters.

His qualification may mean a lot to HIM but it doesn't follow everyone else has to bow down and fit what he wants.

I would go to your brothers graduation. It clearly matters to him The things you are mentioning instead are things you won't even think about in a tears time

Don't go Op, especially if you're not planning on more kids, finish out your class with your daughter on her birthday.

Presumably you went though?
The OP is her brother's only family member - bit of a different situation.