To not want to go to my brothers graduation ceremony?

Also for whatever reason MN is reliably very very down on the idea of adults getting any more education than is strictly necessary. Personally I'm all for eternal studenthood and often wish I'd gone down that route myself (except it actually requires more discipline than getting a conveyor belt office job).

You still don't sound like you have much respect for him.

If your relationship with him is important you should go. I'm astonished that anyone thinks a baby class is more significant (not even the birthday party which doesn't clash, even though most posters seem to think it's a choice between birthday and graduation).

If you're not that bothered about maintaining a relationship with someone you look down on then feel free to crack on and do what you want to do.

I have gone to some utterly ridiculous events for people I care about (think pets' birthdays, divorce parties with ceremonial dress burning etc). I did that (and enjoyed it) because I really like those friends and it was important to them. On the other hand I've also declined wedding and birthday invites from people I wasn't bothered about, because they clashed with other things in my life.

It’s his fourth degree personally I wouldn’t be going if I had other plans and it would mean putting my child into nursery an extra day it’s not like it’s his first graduation it’s his fourth.

Enjoy the day with your daughter. She might not remember it, but you will. I'd rather have the memories of my child's (first) birthday, than the memories of someone's multiple graduations all blended in together.

"Someone"? This is her brother. The brother who has nobody else to go with.

Are you having to pay extra to put your son in preschool for that day? There is no way I would expect my sister to fund an extra day of childcare just so she could watch me cross a stage (and I've only had two graduations).

Does your brother work ft and are these qualifications an essential part of his career or are they more like hobbies? It's not usual to insist siblings attend prize givings for hobbies so surely he couldn't be that surprised if you said no.

I wouldn't go. Not because of the baby's feelings. She won't know or care. Because of yours.

By all means take him for a celebration dinner at the weekend or similar.

I can't imagine how awful he'd feel going alone when the degree means so much to him. I didn't take any family members to my graduation - I took a close friend - and to not have any close friends at 45...it's really sad, so yes I think you should go. It's just a few hours out of your day.

What are you going to do if his next graduation is on your child's first day at school ?

Just don't go. You dont want to, youve been to other ceremonies, Just dont go. So what if he gets triggered by it - its on the same day as your childs birthday.

Your baby only turns one once but your brother has already graduated 3 times

its okay to prioritise yourself and your baby and I certainly wouldn’t make a 1yo sit through one of those tedious ceremonies. Take your brother for a celebratory lunch later in the week and enjoy your baby’s birthday.

Managing a 1 year old at a graduation ceremony sounds no fun - and I could easily imagine ending up missing the 30seconds my relative was on stage due to managing my baby.

Is there some other comprise - watching the live stream and then having a face time call with DB so he can show you his gown/certificate etc and then him come over to you in the evening to celebrate with you?

I was on Team Bro until you said he was 45! There comes a point when you have to take responsibility for your own happiness.

On the other hand - Your daughter doesn’t know what day her birthday is and you can celebrate with her for days on end.

She won’t remember the baby class and will barely know it’s her birthday!

Will she be OK at the graduation though? They can be endlessly boring and, if it’s a lot of travel and faff, it might just be hell on toast for everyone! You won’t be able to clap holding a bored and tired 1 year old! You might not even be able to be in the room.

If this isn’t his first graduation then I think it’s reasonable not to go. This is a precious time with your children. But honestly only you know how much it means to him and how you would feel if you didn’t go.

The way you talk about him isn’t very nice.

I have four degrees; husband has three. We have a few friends who only have two, zero who only have one. No self esteem issues - this is just the norm in our profession - but we all celebrate our graduations as none
of the degrees got easier, especially as our lives got busier.

I've changed my vote. You are absolutely not being unreasonable.hes graduated 4 times and he's 45 years old. He can pull up his big boy pants and realise his niece only gets one 1st birthday. I understand he has noone else but he's not in his 20s getting his first degree. Your kids come first, now and always. He'll get over it 😘

What so you mean by perpetual student? What is the degree level? If it means a lot to him and he's asked you specifically I think rightly he'll be hurt if you don't go.

What was the point of this thread? It's clear you were always going to go.

You’ve been to two others.

Does he have no friends/partner to go this time?

Just tell him, you have another priority now.

It’s a good enough reason, he has his classmates It’s not like he hasn’t graduated before. Can you meet him afterwards and present him with a big bottle of champagne or something?

What is underlying your wish to please him at all costs to you?

Well he could like my brother go on to do a masters then a PhD. We thought he'd never be done with education