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Original poster

To think if you save £1000 each month you’re doing very well…

118 replies

Itsmeeeeee · 12/05/2024 23:27

DH and I have different opinions on finances. I came from nothing and rarely had any surplus at the end of the month so I know what it’s like living on the bread line - hand to mouth.

On the other hand he’s never been short of money and never had to scrimp and save. He worked really hard but his parents were also very helpful. I never had that as my mam died when I was 21 and rarely seen my selfishness twat of a dad…

I consider myself fortunate now as I adore my husband. We’ve been together years and I supported him through his training and career. He was on a low wage when we met, but now he’s on over £62k.

We save about £900-£1100 a month and we can still enjoy nights away, 2/3 meals and drinks out a month, takeaways, home improvements of say £250 and we save that amount. I think it’s incredible abd we’re so lucky and he think meh

In the coming weeks we’ll be able to save an extra £500 a month on top of the £1000 from my business earnings. I only work about 5 hours a week as my DC has SEN so I need to be available constantly.

Our mortgage is £70,000 on a house valued at £270,000 so our mortgage is a lot less than a lot of peoples. We also live in northern England so it’s a cheaper area. We will also pay off 10% of our mortgage ever year so will pay it off by the time we’re 50 hopefully.

I would give anything for my DC to be NT but such is life. I do think I’m (we’re) lucky to have a lovely disposable income and so many people would be more than happy with that so I appreciate it for that reason.

DH panics and I’m like FFS get a grip!! Is that because I’ve come from nothing and he’s always had money?….I feel so fortunate and he stresses so much that it puts me off. Penny pinching over the price of a fucking chicken! It winds me up so much that I could consider leaving him because he doesn’t appreciate how fortunate he is financially, especially in this day and age.

Thoughts…..

OP posts:
HopefullyHopping · 13/05/2024 01:15

I’d speak to your husband and tell him you can’t live like it and won’t live like it.Tell him tgsg you’ve actually thought of leaving him because he’s so tight it makes you miserable.

Original poster
Itsmeeeeee · 13/05/2024 01:11

Kitkat1523 · 13/05/2024 01:01

Bragging is being boastful….in your case about your earnings and how much you can save.
and you were more than happy to judge me and tell me ‘to do something about being skint’….. …although I’ve probably got more than you…..which shows little regard for all the people with Sen kids who haven’t got a pot to piss in ….let alone 1000quid to save…..like I said….not classy

Show quote history

That’s your opinion that I was being boastful. If you cared to read the rest of the post you would see that I was referring to DH as being ridiculous for being tight. It’s his earnings not mine if you missed that point. I still feel skint but know that he’s OTT because most of my life I’ve lived hand to mouth.

I’m not really sure what your issue is, you’re happy to say you have have more than me (which I can quite believe as I have nothing in my own name)

OP posts:
Kitkat1523 · 13/05/2024 01:01

Itsmeeeeee · 13/05/2024 00:51

Bragging is when you portray everything perfect. That’s the point of this thread. My life is far from perfect despite having money. I’d give it up in a heartbeat if it meant my DC was ok.

Show quote history

Bragging is being boastful….in your case about your earnings and how much you can save.
and you were more than happy to judge me and tell me ‘to do something about being skint’….. …although I’ve probably got more than you…..which shows little regard for all the people with Sen kids who haven’t got a pot to piss in ….let alone 1000quid to save…..like I said….not classy

ThirtyThrillionThreeTrees · 13/05/2024 00:54

Is your husband's attitude towards money die to her concerns about providing for your child in future?

If that's what is driving in, then I think taking out some life cover, income protection and critical illness cover would be a better option that arguing Iver the price of chicken.

If he is just generally controlling and tight, then that's a much bigger issue and a very difficult mindset to change.

Original poster
Itsmeeeeee · 13/05/2024 00:53

TooBigForMyBoots · 13/05/2024 00:50

I'd love my DS to be NT.

I'd love to be able to save £1000 a month.

But neither of these things is possible. DS1 has ASD. After paying rent, I don't have £1000 left over to pay for food, electricity, gas and transport.

If anyone can afford to save £1000 a month, they're doing well.

I wish the government were more understanding of the needs of children who are ND. Cares allowance should be a lot more

OP posts:
Original poster
Itsmeeeeee · 13/05/2024 00:51

Kitkat1523 · 13/05/2024 00:44

But I would not come on MN and brag about how much I earn and how much I save….it’s not classy

Show quote history

Bragging is when you portray everything perfect. That’s the point of this thread. My life is far from perfect despite having money. I’d give it up in a heartbeat if it meant my DC was ok.

OP posts:
TooBigForMyBoots · 13/05/2024 00:50

I'd love my DS to be NT.

I'd love to be able to save £1000 a month.

But neither of these things is possible. DS1 has ASD. After paying rent, I don't have £1000 left over to pay for food, electricity, gas and transport.

If anyone can afford to save £1000 a month, they're doing well.

HopefullyHopping · 13/05/2024 00:49

It’s all relative isn’t it. Saving £1k will be loads for some and not for others.

I can’t stand people being tight who don’t need to be.

Having ND children brings challenges no matter what your financial position is, but money makes parts of it easier.

Original poster
Itsmeeeeee · 13/05/2024 00:47

Willyoujustbequiet · 13/05/2024 00:10

But it does though.

It gives you options that many parents of disabled children will never have.

Show quote history

I understand that and it’s not fair. I think the government should help so much much more the parents of children with SEN. It’s appalling as it’s so hard for parents. You have my sympathies and support there.

I would still prefer to live on £30 savings a month and have a child that’s is completely independent and happy than saving thousands with an adult child that will never live a normal life

OP posts:
Kitkat1523 · 13/05/2024 00:44

Itsmeeeeee · 13/05/2024 00:37

So you have a child with SEN then I assume you understand how hard it is? And that I’d give up everything to have a child that didn’t have special needs and could attend a mainstream school and live independently?!….

but then not all children with SEN are the same. Some can attend mainstream school…

Edited
Show quote history

But I would not come on MN and brag about how much I earn and how much I save….it’s not classy

betterangels · 13/05/2024 00:39

I'd rather be skint than be with a dude that moans about the shopping when you are obviously very comfortable.

You should do something about the controlling husband.

Original poster
Itsmeeeeee · 13/05/2024 00:37

Kitkat1523 · 13/05/2024 00:30

Just 1

Show quote history

So you have a child with SEN then I assume you understand how hard it is? And that I’d give up everything to have a child that didn’t have special needs and could attend a mainstream school and live independently?!….

but then not all children with SEN are the same. Some can attend mainstream school…

OP posts:
KeinLiebeslied54321 · 13/05/2024 00:33

TreesWelliesKnees · 12/05/2024 23:57

Maybe this should be on the relationships board, reworded to explain the real problem, which is your controlling dh.

This.

OscarT · 13/05/2024 00:31

Itsmeeeeee · 12/05/2024 23:27

DH and I have different opinions on finances. I came from nothing and rarely had any surplus at the end of the month so I know what it’s like living on the bread line - hand to mouth.

On the other hand he’s never been short of money and never had to scrimp and save. He worked really hard but his parents were also very helpful. I never had that as my mam died when I was 21 and rarely seen my selfishness twat of a dad…

I consider myself fortunate now as I adore my husband. We’ve been together years and I supported him through his training and career. He was on a low wage when we met, but now he’s on over £62k.

We save about £900-£1100 a month and we can still enjoy nights away, 2/3 meals and drinks out a month, takeaways, home improvements of say £250 and we save that amount. I think it’s incredible abd we’re so lucky and he think meh

In the coming weeks we’ll be able to save an extra £500 a month on top of the £1000 from my business earnings. I only work about 5 hours a week as my DC has SEN so I need to be available constantly.

Our mortgage is £70,000 on a house valued at £270,000 so our mortgage is a lot less than a lot of peoples. We also live in northern England so it’s a cheaper area. We will also pay off 10% of our mortgage ever year so will pay it off by the time we’re 50 hopefully.

I would give anything for my DC to be NT but such is life. I do think I’m (we’re) lucky to have a lovely disposable income and so many people would be more than happy with that so I appreciate it for that reason.

DH panics and I’m like FFS get a grip!! Is that because I’ve come from nothing and he’s always had money?….I feel so fortunate and he stresses so much that it puts me off. Penny pinching over the price of a fucking chicken! It winds me up so much that I could consider leaving him because he doesn’t appreciate how fortunate he is financially, especially in this day and age.

Thoughts…..

You're doing really well, agree with the "especially in this day and age" my sister used to volunteer at a food bank and she would meet people who had good careers and still needed help to get by, she said she often met nurses and other NHS workers needing a little extra help.

We live in a society of mass.consumerism where everything is sold to us and everything can be upgraded the next year like the iPhones etc.

Keep saving.

Kitkat1523 · 13/05/2024 00:30

Itsmeeeeee · 13/05/2024 00:18

Do you have children with SEN?????

Show quote history

Just 1

Original poster
Itsmeeeeee · 13/05/2024 00:22

Willyoujustbequiet · 13/05/2024 00:07

My dc have additional needs..

Many parents of disabled children live in poverty due to having to give up work. Count your blessings that's not an issue for you

Show quote history

I do count my blessings financially though my DH gets the final say.

Parents of children with SEN shouldn’t have to live on the breadline. It’s disgusting that they have to live in poverty and can barely work if for example they get cares allowance. It’s beyond maddening and I hope that they change this as it’s so unfair

OP posts:
Original poster
Itsmeeeeee · 13/05/2024 00:18

Kitkat1523 · 13/05/2024 00:03

I’m not skint….far from it….such assumptions …. Very judgy OP😠
I just don’t like braggers 🙄

Show quote history

Do you have children with SEN?????

OP posts:
Original poster
Itsmeeeeee · 13/05/2024 00:12

Treesaregreen1 · 12/05/2024 23:59

Ooooh OP I just wrote a supportive post for you and then read you wrote ‘if you’re skint do something about it’

not cool at all.

if you’ve really experienced the living hand to mouth, you’d understand it’s not as simple as that

Show quote history

I totally appreciate your first post and I wrote a reply because you sound absolutely lovely.

I completely understand it’s not as easy as doing something about it and I’ve always said someone that works 40 hours in a minimum wage job works as hard as someone on £50k I understand not having much which is why I get annoyed with my DH

It pisses me off though when someone assumes having money is the only important thing, that’s what I mean when I say I bet these people moaning about my post would feel different if they had a child with SEN. If they feel so strongly about money and that’s the only important thing then they could get a second job to compensate (but they couldn’t if they had a child with SEN)

I certainly didn’t mean to offend you, your post was genuine

OP posts:
Willyoujustbequiet · 13/05/2024 00:10

Itsmeeeeee · 13/05/2024 00:00

Yeah such a bag having a ND child. All the money in he world I would give up to make their life ‘normal’ and easier…..

The point in this thread is that money means nothing when your kids are struggling so much.

Show quote history

But it does though.

It gives you options that many parents of disabled children will never have.

determinedtomakethiswork · 13/05/2024 00:10

Your husband attitude to money is ruining your marriage. There is something really horrible about having a partner who is really tight and begrudges spending money that he actually has on everyday things. I would hate to have someone checking every penny I spent and moaning at the same time that he had no money.

Willyoujustbequiet · 13/05/2024 00:07

Itsmeeeeee · 12/05/2024 23:56

Are you joking? I’d swap to having nothing each month if it meant my my DC was NT and I never had to worry about whether they will be independent (unlikely given they have to go to a SEN school)

So you piss off to bed and think about that. If you’re skint do something about it l!!! There’s nothing I can do to help my ND child who can’t read or write or be independent!!

Edited
Show quote history

My dc have additional needs..

Many parents of disabled children live in poverty due to having to give up work. Count your blessings that's not an issue for you

Kitkat1523 · 13/05/2024 00:03

Itsmeeeeee · 12/05/2024 23:56

Are you joking? I’d swap to having nothing each month if it meant my my DC was NT and I never had to worry about whether they will be independent (unlikely given they have to go to a SEN school)

So you piss off to bed and think about that. If you’re skint do something about it l!!! There’s nothing I can do to help my ND child who can’t read or write or be independent!!

Edited
Show quote history

I’m not skint….far from it….such assumptions …. Very judgy OP😠
I just don’t like braggers 🙄

Original poster
Itsmeeeeee · 13/05/2024 00:03

TreesWelliesKnees · 12/05/2024 23:57

Maybe this should be on the relationships board, reworded to explain the real problem, which is your controlling dh.

Very true, I might do that.

OP posts:
Original poster
Itsmeeeeee · 13/05/2024 00:02

Treesaregreen1 · 12/05/2024 23:57

I don’t feel like this was a brag post at all. I can understand why it would be so frustrating when you both have different approaches to money.
i work full time and am lucky if i can save £100 per month, it honestly brings me to tears sometimes.
msybe looking at future spending / retirement costs with your DH could help so you can have specific goals for saving instead of just scrimping and scraping to aimlessly save

Bless you, thank you for your understanding post. Xx

OP posts:
Sockmate123 · 13/05/2024 00:02

Don't mind the sarky comments on here.
My situation is similar, I have 2 children both SEN but mild but like you I still need to be available constantly. We save different amounts each month but probably similar to yourself although it's usually short/medium term like for bathroom renovation or new car etc not long term savings. My DH doesn't mind me spending money, I work 2 days a week also and earn about €1100 net but he is the breadwinner. He does however constantly stress about our pensions even though we both have one. My attitude is by all means have one but not everyone even lives to retirement, life is for living.
My life experiences have made me think this way though, being very ill in my 30's, losing a parent young etc
I think its down to your life experiences and your perspective. By anyone's standards saving £1000 a month is great so well done on doing that and not squandering it!