Parent taking teenage boy into women's changing room

I think its odd there's still open plan changing. I thought it was all cubical now and a couple of larger ones for family changing. Also disabied/disability changing
Seems it needs an upgrade to me.

Teenage boy definitely should not be in female open plan changing. I totally get that. And agree he should not be in there. But the posts with my child is autistic and he/she don't... every autistic person is different so we should not be comparing. The mum was wrong but we don't know what she's going through.

I think YABU to compare her autistic son to your children with autism. You do not know his specific vulnerabilities.

But there’s plenty of evidence that unisex changing rooms are more dangerous for women and girls. Have a unisex option, fine, but keep single sex spaces - female ones at least.

I know the OP said this wasn’t about trans, but presumably if a man walked into the changing room & defended his presence by saying he was a woman, she wouldn’t have been happy. It simply doesn’t make sense that one scenario is ok and the other one isn’t.

A pool near us is similar, cubicles only but not enough, and it is a nightmare trying to get changed. Center parcs works, but their changing area is massive, which most council pools (or private ones, for that matter) just can’t match. Single sex communal changing is often the best use of space.

13 is too old to be in a female changing room. But I'm genuinely shocked that some are suggesting actual little children should go get changed on their own. This is why cubicles are important in either the men's or women's changing rooms some women don't want to change in front of other women and vice versa. What about if a dad took his daughter swimming who was only 5? 🤔

Young girls and women should not have to change in front of a teenage boy, no matter what his diagnosis is. My lo has autism and is 11, no way would I take him into a women’s changing room, it would probably be just as uncomfortable for him as he’s also having to get undressed in front of a room full of women, its not right the mother should not have taken him there.

Clearly not- my 6 year old nephew can’t even open the doors at the leisure centre because they are heavy fire doors- never mind successfully negotiate a room full of potentially naked men.

Pretty much everywhere I’ve been has a rule that 8 and under can go in the opposite sex changing rooms.

A good idea in theory, our local baths changed to unisex changing room but there is nowhere near enough cubicles so invariably there are men getting changed in the open area (which isn't large!) . I hate it, so I've stopped going altogether.

My friend manages this by simply going in first, popping her head round the door and checking the space is empty or that people are ok/ ready enough. If not they wait until the space is free. They use the space quickly and let others know.
It seems to work ok. My issue is the just walking in without checking. Sometimes there’s no other space, but you can be considerate.
If the men’s is quieter they have used that in the same way

5 is too young IMO. I accept that my 7 year old will likely have to change in a male changing room on his own soon and he is capable and sensible. He will probably be less distracted than when he's trying to talk to me about Minecraft! But I would not expect a 5 year old to be capable of getting ready themselves after swimming and shout out if there was an issue. They learn a lot of independence skills between age 4 and at age 8/9.

But it is a rule that no males over a certain age can be in the changing room.

There was another choice here though, wasn’t there? The mother could have gone to the men’s room and changed there. Why was she expecting other women to subject themselves to something she was not willing to subject herself to?
Or perhaps she thought the men would be uncomfortable at her presence and object. Notice how men’s spaces and wishes are seen as inviolable but women’s are not

This. Why didnt the mum take him in the mens changing room herself? I am presuming its because she didnt want to change in front of males. Well, same applies to other women doesnt it? Why is her comfort more important than other women in the changing room?

No.
The mum can take him in the men's then (I don't think she should but let's make men uncomfortable - there will ba a quick resolution Then)

It is not about predators. It is about women and girls' dignity and privacy. And the teen boy's come to that.

No- but if he has a female carer it’s a total ballache when there aren’t adequate disabled facilities.

When these situations occur the only thing to do is make a fuss so that the staff provides an appropriate space- sometimes by closing one of the sex based changing rooms for 10 minutes.

So I should send my 6 year old son into the MEN'S changing room on his own? What the fuck

If you think it's OK to bring your 13/16 year old son to the Ladies changing you can get to fuck.

And be sure I would be a) challenging it in situ and b) strongly complaining to management.

Women and girls are entitled to privacy. That is all.

Just no. He should not be in the women's changing rooms for any reason, if the facilities aren't there then you go somewhere else

It’s a difficult one because my friends brother is 6’4” and huge but emotionally he is around 6 years old.

I also used to work with ND teenagers up to the ages of 18, all of which were emotionally much younger than their appearance.

I do not envy these parents when they have little ones too or dads with teenager daughters who can’t be left alone.

But this is why it is so important to have cubicles or mixed sex spaces.

I think you were very rude about him taking his top off on the treadmill and it sounds like you had an issue with him from the start.
Many men and women take their tops off when in the gym.

But the mum should have taken him into the male changing room if there were no alternatives, even if it put herself at risk when getting changed.

I don’t think you needed to be as rude though because it’s obviously a very difficult situation for her and you should be thankful that you aren’t in the same boat as her.

The kid shouldn’t have been in the ladies changing room obviously-

but it’s perfectly possible that he is able to run on a treadmill and still not be safe to be left to wait/change alone- the family needs to use the disabled facilities or to insist on being given another suitable place if the gym has decided to ignore the law and not provide one.

There is no need to make a valid point by minimising or dismissing disabilities.

Sadly it happens quite a lot judging by the number of threads I've seen on here. And these parents do know, they just think their child's needs trump everyone else's

Because they don't have to and it likely depends on the owner. I honestly wouldn't have had an issue with this, if he is so disabled that he cannot be left alone to change he is more likely to be a victim than a predator. It's never bothered me so if I was setting something up the only reason to do it would be financial.

If it bothers you OP what about investing in a dry robe that DD can change into her underwear in.

@crumbpet, best they can is the disabled person using the changing room as per their sex, with support from their carer, this is the only way to preserve the dignity of the disabled person as well as anyone else using that area. A teenager should never have to expose their body parts to people of the opposite sex without their express consent in order to accommodate the rights of another teenager, whatever their diagnosis . Disability Discrimination legislation does not trump that right.

Sounds like a really ‘dated’ leisure centre. Our local centre has male and female changing plus a large family one, all with private cubicles as well as open space. I’d be tempted to move to one with better changing facilities.