Parent taking teenage boy into women's changing room

"I honestly wouldn't have had an issue with this, if he is so disabled that he cannot be left alone to change he is more likely to be a victim than a predator."

This is about dignity for all. A 13 year old boy doesn't belong in a female changing room regardless of his level of understanding.

Why is it always women who ‘have to accommodate?’

Honestly, it’s exhausting.

I would think the level of autism that need mum to supervise and help with dressing at 16 is disabled enough to use the disabled facilities which are normally for one person and a carer at a time. She might get some tuts as people have different views on disability too but it seems more appropriate than him in the womens room, or her in the mens room.

I would not be happy with this at all - but the mother did go some way to explain the situation and ask for your permission.
It's not as cut and dry as it might seem and, as mothers, sometimes we have to accommodate.
Saying that, my girls would be mortified if there was a teenage boy in their single sex space.

I hope you mean AS WELL AS, not INSTEAD OF

Absolutely if there were better facilities for disabled adults/ children, no one would be inconvenienced

Don't take him then. Women shouldn't feel invaded for any reason.

@JohnnyLuLus You also takes the issue of changing facilities. There are still some places that do not provide these in the men’s toilets only women’s. It boggles the mind how this is seen as acceptable in this day and age. It’s about time there is a uniform approach to providing facilities to all parents whether that be family changing rooms or baby changing facilities across all toilets etc.

but the facility should also provide better facilities so when you make your complaint make this an element too.

Yes, thank you!

If all the able bodied people who find themselves upset/inconvenienced/threatened because of situations like this where the problem would be solved by adequate accessible facilities- or even just see a carer struggling to make the best of a shit situation- complained to the venue about the lack of accessibility for disabled people, we might actually have a chance of things improving.

Yes, my 10 year old wouldn’t think twice about this- he doesn’t have the social understanding.

Its shit that whenever something like this is posted on here so many people jump to ableism.

claims that “they know a disabled person who can do X so everyone can”/ or “if he can do X then he can do Y”/ or “wheeling out the disability excuse”/or “well disabled people just can’t go there” etc etc

Its perfectly possible to make the point that big lads (usually 9 and up in my experience) shouldn’t be in female changing rooms without resorting to punching down on other vulnerable groups in society.

He shouldn’t be in there but I think the bigger issue is why a facility that provides gym and swimming doesn’t have closed cubicles or a family changing room etc.

in 2024 where we have more children with additional needs that ever before it is about time places catered for this and provided adequate provisions. This doesn’t detract from people being where they shouldn’t and someone of that age should not be in a opposite sex changing room, but the facility should also provide better facilities so when you make your complaint make this an element too.

@PiggieWig unisex changing AS WELL AS single sex areas please, not instead of. All options available is the best solution.

Exactly!

@Soontobe60 most pools have an age limit of 7 or 8, which is reasonable. 5 is too young I'd say.

Whilst I wouldn't take my severely autistic o son into a female changing room, agin it's a huge spectrum ,my son has no concept of beng embarrassed, he has very limited understanding of the world around him.

Not that i would choose to take my son into a female changing room however
My son is 14 severely autistic non verbal needs full assistance with self care ,
But he independently goes on the tread
mill at his special school
I'm sick of people not understanding the vastness of the spectrum and how for some, its incredibly disabling .

And it’s not about what any male ‘needs’. It’s about the respect and safety for women and girls.

Sums it up.

In an open plan changing room, that’s not on. Different if there were individual cubicles.

I've had to send my sons into separate changing rooms from me since they were 8 or 9 as per the rules.

Also autistic. It's nerve wracking but you have to prime them and wait at the exit for them.

IMO it's better that I am there and prepared (only if absolutely necessary) to announce myself clearly and go into the men's than for older boys to be in the women's.

Municipal leisure centres tend to have cubicles in a mixed sex area which can be better, or many places have family changing rooms.

Being a mum of sons has challenges, and is one of the reasons I was not as opposed to SOME unisex / gender neutral toilets as some other feminists.

That was exactly my thought. Her "little boy" needs to be kept out of women's spaces.

@anonai but focusing on ages and sexes is not the way to go

Umm yes it fucking IS!!

It's completely inappropriate for him to be there due to his age and sex.

That's the whole point.

But you know there is a huge range of ability with people who are autistic.
My autistic son will be fully capable of living by himself and leading a "normal" life.
My friends autistic son will be wearing nappies his entire life and can't speak a single word.
It's up to the pool really to provide somewhere suitable for family changing.

The needs of the child / teenager doesn't trump the needs of the women to have a private single sex space

At my gym if the children are 8 or over they have to go in their own sex change rooms. There is a family changing room also which anyone can use.
The boy and his mother should have used the family change if there was one. If not and he can’t be trusted to walk through the mens changing room alone then unfortunately she can’t take him swimming I wouldn’t be bothered about him in the gym. Kids 13 and over can use ours and it’s often full of teens.