Parent taking teenage boy into women's changing room

He shouldn't be in women changing rooms but imo we need more changing places. ,this would make life so much easier for parents and carers of disabled teens and adults

I have a pre-teen son with autism, he can’t use men’s changing rooms or toilets alone and he’s too old to be in a female changing room or toilets. He isn’t comfortable with being in the “wrong” place and it’s completely unfair on women using the facilities to have him in there. If his Dad isn’t with us I have no qualms at all about using the disabled facilities if that’s the only option for him.

The only occasion I’ve ever had a problem was with a pool which put single sex disabled facilities in each changing room - we didn’t go there again. Almost always the disabled toilets or changing areas have been separate.

Your complaint is completely reasonable OP - he’s not a “little boy” and while I sympathise and empathise completely with his mum that it can be very difficult to find an appropriate solution to these issues, her bringing him into a women’s changing room as a teenage male is not an appropriate solution.

YANBU. Why does someone's autism trump a teenage girl's right to privacy?

In this situation I'd take my child to a place with family changing facilities if he really couldn't get dressed by himself. Yanbu.

My little boy is 7 and I still take him into toilets and changing rooms if his dad isn't with us. I've just started to feel worried about people judging me for this but the main reason is to protect him from predators as 7 is still little, so I usually give other women a bit of grace when it comes to this sort of thing and thier sons. But a fully blown teenager is just too old.

If he usable to work out unassisted he can get changed in the men's. He shouldn't be in women's room.

That is undoubtedly so.

Even so: an adult 6'4 male has no business EVER being in a women's changing room.

The care of the hypothetical 6'4" male can take him in the men's

The right for a young girl to be able to get undressed/dressed in privacy away from older males shouldn't be trumped by said older males. If the teenager has additional needs, his needs should never trump the rights of a young girl to her privacy. The mother of the teenager needs to figure out a different way for him to get changed.

If (for whatever reason) I needed to take my teenage son into an area where they are not normally expected I would discuss it with the other people using that area, not wait for someone to raise it.

Don't be so ridiculous.

There should always be a manager available when the facility is open.

Maybe this teen as additional needs too ? If your children have autism they should be able to use the disabled facilities . I do that with my autistic son . If the gym has no disabled separate facilities then for sure you need to complaint .
My son could easily use the gym but would not be to get dressed properly so for the ignorant saying other wise you are wrong

In this day and age I just don’t understand why open plan changing rooms are even a thing anymore? I don’t want to get changed in front of ANYONE. Men or women.

Maybe time to band together and get the club to install a disabled changing place.

You are not all all unreasonable, OP.

According to the ONS, people with a disability are twice as likely to have experienced sexual assault in a given time frame.

Your daughter is vulnerable (age, sex, sen) and one of the ways society mitigates this vulnerability is single sex spaces. Your daughter needs to know the presence of a male body in her changing room is a potential danger. Making her accept the presence of a male body is socialising her that it's ok. This is - and I know there's often misunderstanding of the meaning of this term - similar to grooming (by society, not you, obvs!).

This safeguarding also extends to the vulnerable teenage boy with autism. He needs to know his presence in female single sex spaces is not ok. I have worked with teens with autism who have had these boundaries blurred and situations can get very, very difficult when suddenly they're not a little kid and hormones are buzzing around. I have known autistic teen girls who have almost certainly experienced sexual abuse but who have even less hope than neurotypical women of getting justice. And autistic teen boys who go on to expose themselves to female support workers and touch people non consensually.

Which is not to say I don't feel for the mother. I really, really do. Out society is awful for people with SEN and getting worse, not better. All the focus on "inclusion" seems to have entirely overlooked the people who are continually excluded from society through no fault of their own. All leisure centres should be required to provide suitable, individual, family changing spaces and toilets for people with SEN and those caring for them.

@Trulyme stated "it's a difficult one" meaning the question posed by the OP and then gave an example of how it was difficult. It's not difficult, as I stated my brother is severely disabled and as he is now a grown man we plan ahead for things like this by ensuring an appropriate space is available for him to change. No way on earth would we ever invade a women's only space with a fully grown male in tow.

Even if there is SEN present that means someone is mentally a younger age, they're still physically going through puberly, hormones etc and that is what makes their presence in a women's changing room entirely inappropriate.

"I also used to work with ND teenagers up to the ages of 18, all of which were emotionally much younger than their appearance."

But they are still teenagers not young children. My 17 year has a very severe learning disability but he is still has 17 years lived experience and 17 year old hormones and deserves the dignity that goes with his age.

I don't think anyone is saying it isn't difficult for disabled people and their carers but it is not a reasonable adjustment to bring a male into a female facility where there is the potential for every other user to be made to feel uncomfortable.

It’s difficult for disabled people and their carers/families.

Well it's not "a difficult one" is it because an adult 6'4 male has no business EVER being in a women's changing room.

We need parents to push the companies to provide adequate facilities for all, it shouldn’t be that the default is to expect and in turn teach our girls that their needs are trumped by others.

We were members of a gym that had the facilities. Separate family changing rooms with adequate large disabled changing room. But one Mum had no problem bringing her son into the female changing rooms (that is open planned) give him a phone while she dealt with her daughter. When asked why - it was busy in the family changing room. It meant my daughter was uncomfortable and she didn’t want to swim anymore. Yes her son may not be a risk to my daughter BUT it made my daughter uncomfortable and she didn’t feel safe in a state of vulnerability undressed. I could have used the family disabled rooms as they’re private - but I’m respectful of the fact they aren’t for us to use and should be only for the people that need them.
The fault lies at companies needing to provide adequate facilities and for the parents to use them. It’s become the norm for the girls to accept their space isn’t theirs, so in turn not feel safe & not have a voice to challenge it.

I’d feel very uncomfortable if a man bought his teenage daughter into the male changing room, so fully understand the concern, but wouldn’t it be better if leisure clubs provided some family changing areas as most council run leisure centres do

I have an autistic son with high needs when he is a teenager no way would I have him in womens changing room. I would only take him somewhere with individual cubicles / disabled changing. So I don't think you're being remotely unreasonable.

No this is so wrong. My brother has severe learning and physical difficulties, my mum would NEVER ever take him into a women's changing room.
I would be furious.

No, we don't have to accommodate men or older boys in women's changing spaces.