Parent taking teenage boy into women's changing room

That's a good point well made

I don't think anyone has said that though

Of course there should be accessible changing but there will be reasons why this is not always available

It doesn't mean that the female changing is the automatic alternative though

If he was a big boy, mummy should have gone into the men's with him

Nobody has said it fine that disabled facilities aren’t provided. It’s anything but fine.

but lack of disabled facilities doesn’t make it acceptable to take a male over the age of about 7 into the female facilities. That is unfair on the women using the facilities and the young person involved.

Yes all.venues should provide changing places imo
Mumsnet can be awful.about children/adults with disabilities .

I don’t think anyone disagrees with anything you’ve said; there should be appropriate facilities available for all, everywhere.

The issue is that if there aren’t any facilities, they can’t just use the women’s changing rooms instead. Whatever temporary workaround they need to find, it isn’t this.

But there absolutely be suitable spaces for all.

Female changing rooms are not for teenage+ males.

I can't believe how many people on here think that it is fine that disabled people are limited to where they can go for leisure. We have exactly the same problem, in that ds1 is at the edge of acceptability for coming into ladies changing rooms, so we have to drive to another town instead of walk to the leisure center close to us. There should be legislation that all venues should have appropriate changing for people with disabilities.

And to those who think that if you can go on a treadmill, you can change out of wet swim clothes and dry yourself, fine and gross motor skills are very different things! It is very possible to be able to do one much better than the other.

Mums are the last people who can be trusted to make that judgment, unfortunately. I don't know at what stage in the conception/gestation/birth process it happens, but at some point objectivity seems to cut out.

This. But she shouldn't have to do that, there should be disabled changing.

I disagree.

I thought that the PP had otherwise very sensible points, but I just wanted to pick up on that one assertion as I understood it.

It wasn't meant as a 'get at' - and apologies if it came across that way - just making the general point that just because a woman may be happy to vouch for her son, that's no guarantee of anything.

Some people with autism will never be able to look after themselves so maybe the rest of his life,
He still ll shouldn't be in a female changing room though.

Probably akin to posters happy to use disabled toilets because it's just, you know, more convenient for them and their DCs 🤷🏽‍♀️

It’s not all about him. How long is this going to go on for?!

You have taken one part of the Pp post and posted it completely out of context
She was in fact saying men and boys should never be in female changing rooms
But said there maybe reasons why the " mother " got it wrong such as the boy was severely disabled and vulnerable .

Just what I was thinking

I would be happy to trust another woman’s judgement (his mum) that he’s not a danger, but that doesn’t negate the issue of comfort, privacy, and dignity.

Really? So just supposing that he were up to no good, do you believe that a teenage boy would make sure that his mum knew about his true intentions, so that she could spoil his 'fun' and he wouldn't be sly or guarded about it?

In all manner of scenarios, how often do you hear of horrible teenage (usually) boys who have clearly done horrendous violent, thuggish, outrageous things, but their mums defend them as 'loveable rogues' and 'wouldn't hurt a fly', even in the face of wholly incontrovertible evidence to the contrary?

I had this at the weekend when my ds opened the accessible loo door… it opens straight onto the park/playground and I wasn’t finished with my jeans! 🤦‍♀️

She asked if it was OK and then got shitty when you said it wasn't? I'd be fucking livid and be straight to reception to make a complaint.

This is what they have at Butlins. All the cubicles are big enough for families though. Just have to make sure kids don't open the door. As my DS did and someone got flashed at my bare backside.🤣🤣🤣

There are some spiteful, sneery comments on this thread.

No, he shouldn’t have been in the changing room. End of story. The reason we don’t want males in our changing rooms isn’t just about safety, it’s dignity/privacy too.

I would be happy to trust another woman’s judgement (his mum) that he’s not a danger, but that doesn’t negate the issue of comfort, privacy, and dignity.

So it’s still a hard no.

Being able to run on a treadmill - with **shock his shirt off - doesn’t mean he can dress/shower/navigate changing rooms alone.

But he still shouldn’t have been in there.

He needs to use family/disabled changing areas that aren’t part of the female changing area.

Women need single sex spaces for many, many reasons - and that might include religion or trauma. Being suddenly confronted with a male body In what should be a safe space is not ok.

Having said all of the above, I feel sorry for his mum. She made the wrong decision here but it’s not easy parenting an older autistic person that still needs a fair bit of supervision/care.

I have a 14 yr old DS who is physically mature. He’s autistic. He sits on my lap like a 7 yr old and asks me for assurances that he’s being a good boy. He’s so very young in his outlook. He loves Hey Duggee and Ninjago and Bluey. He’s still in nappies/pullups.

At a local public park, he’s just had a go on outdoor exercise equipment. Turns out he loves it! He couldn’t do a treadmill or a bike because of co -ordination problems but he loves the machines. I’m currently trying to find a suitable gym where I can try angain to teach him to swim too. Obviously needs family changing facilities.

It’s really really hard when your big gangly teen in still mentally “a little boy”. They can’t play on the things they like any more (soft play or kiddie play parks). There is very little suitable when their inner development doesn’t match their physical form. It’s heartbreaking for them.

The mum got it wrong taking him into the changing rooms. In her mind she was probably thinking of safety rather than the wider picture. Completely fair to raise it with the centre management so it doesn’t happen again.

But try and cut her a bit of slack maybe. It’s not easy, and there’s very little out there for our kids who need help. Oh and excuse while I just laugh hollowly about “carers”. Because that would be me. The available support is non-existent. She got this one wrong but when you’re trying to figure things out on your own, it’s not difficult to make the wrong decision. Hopefully she’ll be thinking it through now and realise it was the wrong call.

Im sorry this happened and I hope your DD wasn’t too shocked OP. Males always need to stay out of our spaces.

People seem lack awareness of protected characteristics, and that one does not trump another. Disability doesn’t trump sex, religious beliefs, age etc.

But women and girls come first for me. I will never apologize for that.

Female carers ARE women. Any ‘campaign’ for women’s rights should to include ALL women, not just women that don’t pose inconvenient complications.

If more people outside the disabled community actively supported women within it, these situations would be fewer.

If you are a carer for a 6'4" male and you want to go out where changing facilities are needed - you need to check in advance

Obviously- but that doesn’t actually mean that the facilities venues say they have will always actually be available. Quite often there is one space accessible to my family- if it suddenly becomes unusable while we are there, it is extremely difficult for us.

Thats not to say that it would be ok for me to take ds into the women’s- but it really isn’t as simple as ‘just checking before we go’.

I actually meant to press 6, but perhaps it should be no one above KS1 age?

The child had autism it it is a huge spectrum i wouldn't take my son into a female changing room
But I can't leave him because although he's 14 cognitively he's around 2/3 I don't think he's my " ickle prince"
He's severely disabled and incredibly vulnerable ,we have no way of knowing how this boys autism impacts him.

So just because yours are ok to go in the men's that doesn't mean he is. My DS is 22 and he still can't go in the men's alone. Our local swimming pool does have family changing though so I take him in there if the disabled change is being used.

Another local Gym only has male and female changing. There is a disabled change but you have to enter the male or female changing to access it. It's in the middle of both changing rooms so can be accessed from either side. But I can't send him into the men's alone and expect that he will know to go into the disabled change and I access from the female changing. So for that reason I can only take my DD to that gym who also has severe autism ADHD and non verbal.