Parent taking teenage boy into women's changing room

Right, so she was pointing out (as she has repeatedly) that autism is a wide ranging syndrome that affects people differently, and that it is possible for the boy to be able to use a treadmill but not to change alone (as is the case for one of her sons)

… and your response was that he must be able to change alone because he can use a treadmill. And you think that was helpful and thought provoking?

It was part of a discussion with a previous poster who was explaining her own autistic child’s cognitive ability as to why he wouldn’t be suitable to be left unattended but agreed that cognitive ability is irrelevant in regards to a male being in a female space…but thanks for your very helpful and thought provoking interjection 😃

My new neighbour insists on parking two of his vehicles (one a car and the other a truck he uses for his business) in the turning point in our cul de sac. Surely he can't be allowed to do this? We have to do 7 or 9 point turn before we can park our car, unless we reverse all the way down the street to get back out! 😡

*avoid the dreaded hand dryers

YANBU, autism doesn’t trump everything.

It doesn’t give us any idea at all about his cognitive abilities.

his cognitive ability is irrelevant

Then why did you bring it up and make an uninformed sweeping statement about it?

Thank you. I will inquire whether or not they have a disabled toilet or changing room. We are new to his leisure club so not familiar with it.

As I say, when he turns 8. We'll abide by the changing room rule and his Dad can tag along and bring him into the male changing room. For my sons dignity and the privacy of females using the room.

When out and about, I will more often than not bring him into disabled toilets, mostly to the dreaded hand dryers.

Given that the OP states she saw him working out on the treadmill I think that gives us a pretty good idea but his cognitive ability is irrelevant he still doesn’t belong in the female changing rooms.

Ask if you can use the disabled toilet to change? I would say your son's medical need for supervision trumps anyone not liking a young boy in the changing room. DS is 10 I still take him in the woman's toilet if I have any doubts about where we are. It's not about men being in a space it's about it being an enclosed space away from supervision regardless of gender.

Yes I know that I have repeatedly said I would never take him in a female changing room ,I'm just explaining why some autistic teenagers are not able to care for themselves.

I don’t take my adult dependent autistic son into female changing rooms or toilets. It’s limiting but the facilities we have on offer are what’s on offer we don’t invade. Finding facilities he can use is much easier than finding toilets I can use while keeping him safe. Luckily I have a bladder of steel.

You have no idea what the boys cognitive ability is, or whether he was working out independently.

Well regardless of your sons disabilities he’s still a teenage boy who shouldn’t be in women’s spaces.

Given that this boy was working out independently in the gym prior to invading the women’s changing room I doubly he’s cognitively a toddler.

Not offensive! This is the sort of thing I meant earlier when I said for the boys/man’s safety they need to not be put in situations they don’t understand or where they might be misunderstood.

The whole "mental age Vs actual age" thing is a moot point as the male has still gone through puberty.
My brother is 30, he's more like a 5/6 year old. Very young minded (don't want to say immature but I'm sure you get my point) gets on amazingly with my 6yo as they find the same things hilarious. 😂 Absolutely amazing young man and I love him dearly.
However, he is a man not a child however you slice it. He has urges and feelings that he is unable to fully understand. To be blunt, he will get erections and does masturbate like any 30 year old male as he has been through puberty. Luckily my mum is amazing and has woked hard with him and he now understands that this is absolutely fine but it is private and he must only do it in the privacy of his own room. However some adults with learning difficulties may not understand and shouldn't be placed in a position where they may see things that cause this in public (naked women in general, I'm not saying children's bodies).

This was really awkward to write, I know what I mean in my head but its hard to word, I hope it's not offensive.

Your gym should provide disabled changing. Do they?

I haven't said anywhere that it is. My post before this stated that I go to a different town instead of the local leisure centre now due to this issue. Just that there wouldn't have been an issue at all if there had been provision for disabled people. That is what we should be outraged about.

You're absolutely right, yes. Facilities are almost universally dire.

I have autistic twin teens, aged 14 and I'm now facing new challenges as they start to get older. In some ways it's actually harder now because when they were young, we could use child facilities without any issues. DD and DS have quite different challenges but both need a hell of a lot of support, DS especially. Neither would be able to use any facilities on their own.

I don't think the wider public realise how dire provisions are for disabled teens/adults who fall into this category. It's not that people don't care, I think people just assume the help/facilities are there. Until you live with it every day, you just don't realise how lacking everything is. I didn't have a clue until I had my DC.

And honestly, it's a case of being on the hoof and trying to come up with solutions when you hit an unexpected problem. I could write a very long list of the barriers we've hit when trying to do the simplest and most basic activities that we thought would be accessible! And definitely there have been many times when I've got things wrong...

Nope, sorry, no teenage boy should ever have access to the female changing rooms.

I am surprised there isn't a disabled space that they could have used instead or a unisex or family space.

I would have reported this to the manager on duty.

A female/ladies changing room is a place where I would never expect to see any teen boys or men to walk in.

Disability does not change that.

I'm male 55 and I am learning to swim. The council pool has a unisex changing room with individual cubicles including larger family ones. Thankfully I have never seen any females of any ages "bits". You have to take your shoes off in entering and a mother had her daughter aged about 7 with her the other day and made her take her tights off at the shoe changing bench, I have never turned around so fast in my life!

No way at 13 should that boy be in there...the woman is just weird.

Yes, very good points about their dignity as well.

i always think when i see the 11/12 yo boys in the women’s changing rooms at the gym they must be embarrassed as well.

If the choice is a) not go or b) bring men or older boys into a female changing room, then a it has to be. We can then write and complain and campaign, but in the meantime it isn't okay to choose b.

Not just the boys dignity but also safety- I wouldn’t want my ds in a space with changing women in case someone shouted at him/thought he was staring at them/flashing at them/accused him of something- his movements and gaze are completely erratic.

Its better all round if that situation isn’t created.