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I've been a dickhead. How can I fix?

109 replies

GroundToSwallowMeUp · 12/05/2024 21:15

At a party, I was talking to a lifelong friend of mine (let's call her Olivia) (her dad died recently - they were very close - he was only 60). Olivia is really struggling. All her worst traits have come out x 1000 (being bitchy and gossipy) - she has heart of gold but since losing her dad a couple of months ago - she spends most of her time complaning or bitching. Olivia is also v v pretty and glam and confident.

At the party - I introduce her to a new friend of mine (Sarah) who is so lovely. Sarah is the nicest woman in the world. Not v glam, v different lifestyle to my friend.

As Sarah was leaving - Olivia was taking the piss out of her - being what she thought was funny (she had a wine or 7) but was quite cruel. I didn't laugh along, I just moved conversation on quickly or might have said 'oh stop' but not too seriously. I certainly didn't have a go at Olivia.

I thought Sarah was miles away but possibly not. Sarah is now ignoring me. I've convinced she has heard.

I should have been stronger with Olivia and pulled her up. It was the awkwardness, the fact she's so volatile about her dad, I've known Olivia 20 years and Sarah only a matter of months - so guess my loyalty felt off or that it wasn't that serious

But now i feel awful. I've convinced Sarah has heard and she is the nicest, kindest woman.

What do I do? i've screwed up our friendship haven't i?

OP posts:
nadine90 · 12/05/2024 21:32

You don’t have to be specific but you can apologise to S for O’s behaviour and say that you hope it didn’t spoil her night x

GroundToSwallowMeUp · 12/05/2024 21:29

@ToxicChristmas I understand that. I'm such a pathetic people pleaser sometimes - just do anything to avoid the conflict.

OP posts:
JamesPringle · 12/05/2024 21:29

What did Olivia say about her? I think it's relevant as to whether you should have piped up there and then to shut her up.

I'd apologise to Sarah for Olivia's behaviour. I'd probably say that grief seems to have brought out her worst traits, but that it's no excuse and you're sorry if Sarah felt uncomfortable.

I've been in situations similar to Sarah, where I've left a social setting feeling a bit bullied and targeted. It's a horrible feeling.

AppleKatie · 12/05/2024 21:26

If you want to be her friend yes be proactive, bring it up, apologise and clear the air.

GroundToSwallowMeUp · 12/05/2024 21:25

i would say that but hard as Sarah hasn't bought it up - she's just not replying to any messages for days & she usually replies instantly. I think she left early because she wasn't comfortable around Olivia but she was being perfectly pleasant to me as she said goodbye, and then as she was getting her bag - that's when olivia made remarks about her.

do i proactively bring it up? Message her and ask if she is upset about the party and does she want to talk about it? or do i just leave it and accept sarah quite understandably ghosting me?

OP posts:
ToxicChristmas · 12/05/2024 21:25

Poor Sarah.
All you can do is apologise and explain what happened. To be honest, even though I'd forgive you, it would effect how I felt about being around you in the future.

DoreenonTill8 · 12/05/2024 21:24

Poor Sarah, Olivia is an absolute bitch and losing her dad doesn't give her free reign to be cruel and nasty. Is it not more likely that its that she v v pretty and glam that let's her get away with her horrible behaviour?

MyOtherCarisAVauxhallZafira · 12/05/2024 21:20

You apologise, you say I felt so uncomfortable when she made those comments I didn't know what to say, I didn't like the comments she made but she's just lost her dad, she's not handling things well and I hesitated because I know she can be volatile. I should've spoken up and I regret that I didn't, I'm sorry

IncognitoUsername · 12/05/2024 21:20

What do you mean by Sarah is ignoring you? Face to face or via text?