Otherhalf asking parents to temporarily move in?

Unfortunately carers allowance is only up to £81 per week and cannot be claimed if you earn more than £151 per week as you are expected to provide at least 35 hours of care for the person per week. If his is their primary income, which he obviously thinks it is considering he doesn’t give a toss about the impact on her job, it is unlikely to be financially viable 😞 I would definitely get them applying for attendance allowance though if they are in poor health!
I would say perhaps she could be the one to claim carer’s allowance but the potential long term damage to her child minding career just doesn’t seem worth it!

Thats why the man feels able to pull this stunt then isnt it, he knows she is trapped and cant stop him.
He can use this to sabotage her work & then argue that she should care for his parents because she no longer has any paid work.

But she can’t. She’s a childminder. The home is inspected, equipped, and chosen by parents partly for convenience of the location.

Rather than OP move out it's probably easier for him to move to his parents
of course, but if he refuses she could use the nuclear option of removing herself (once they are installed) and leaving him to do it all

What I would do is make a plan to move out and leave him to do all the caring himself.

Rather than OP move out it's probably easier for him to move to his parents l' home and provide them with the help he's assumed OP will provide, without discussion and agreement from her, whilst he's at the office.

That way his parents are still in their own home that they're used to, he can WFH most days so he can keep an eye on them 24/7 if necessary, and OP wouldn't have to disrupt her established child minding job, thus losing pay. 🌹

I think I would have a proper talk with him and carefully explain that this is completely out of the question.
If he disagrees I wouldn't back down but I would try not to lose my temper.
What I would do is make a plan to move out and leave him to do all the caring himself.
How ducking dare he assume that you will make all the sacrifices for his parents while he carries on as normal 🤬
Jesus wept!

He needs to go and move in with them.

It is one things to offer up space in the home to them-but something else entirely to assume that you will be caring for them. He can’t just sign you up for that without discussion.

I agree with the majority, I would tell him to move in wirh them.
It's better that they are in their familiar surroundings and have all their personal belongings there.
Makes more sense for him(one person) to move. I can just imagine the excuses he will come up with OP.

His focus was on being the wonderful son! And then expecting you to implement his idea and do all the work in top of a childminding job at home!

I paid for my DS to go to kindergarten with the attention being on him (and his little group). I would have moved him if attention was given to elderly people or if I thought it might. With the best will in the world you cannot actively care for other people's children as a job whilst looking after his parents. They could fall, need medication, help moving around, going to the doctors, hospital appointment, additional housework and laundry and it will only get worse.

If he wants them to move in he has to provide the care each day and night. Bet he changes his mind then!

The obvious answer is that he moves in with them to care for his mother whilst she’s ill, and works from home from their house if possible/ takes some unpaid carers leave.

Makes much more sense than you giving up your job to care for someone else’s parents - why would you do that? And you couldn’t possibly childmind whilst caring for elderly adults at the same time so it is what he’s asking.

👎

What makes him think this situation is going to be temporary?

One of the most ridiculous and selfish things ive ever read on here....

I'd be furious. He hasn't thought about the consequences at all.

I'd say no it's not practical with your job and suggest he moves in with them.

this seems to be a good compromise, they rent somewhere near yours so he can look after them and it doesnt affect your business

Sorry I haven’t read the thread.

He should have asked you. The answer should be no for all of the obvious reasons.

however I would cut him some slack and assume that he made the offer to his parents because of compassion for them and not because he wanted to exploit you. it’s probable he knows it’s not good for you and he may be defensive going forwards.

I would start the conversation but saying - I can see you care about your parents and you want to help them, but I’m worried about the short and long term impact on my business etc etc. if you’re really worried about them, what are they other things we could do for them. (Eg get care visits? Him move in with them? Etc)

What a ridiculous suggestion of them moving in!

You can't be a childminder as well as being a carer for someone elderly - it's not safe!! You could end up putting your business at risk.

I'd suggest your DH moves in with them for a bit until his mum is better.

I have to say nothing surprises me anymore about men's assumptions regarding their female partners willingness to be nurse, childbearers, housekeepers etc. all at the same time.

I'd just laugh in his face quite frankly.

Do his parents know you're a childminder? Being around a load of preschool aged kids 9 hours a day doesn't sound like a very desirable setup for older people who are quite unwell and immobile!

I'd say for your role as a childminder. It takes ages for DBS checks to come though if nothing else. Obviously he should have checked with you first.

The bloody nerve of him. He thinks he gets to loan you out as unpaid carer for HIS parents, meaning you have to sacrifice your job, without so much as even asking you first? Does he think he owns you? He clearly has no respect for you whatsoever, he’s one entitled, misogynistic prick, frankly.

@Fafreak

He's annoyed because you are not delighted that he's offered you as an unpaid carer to his parents without even discussing it with you and when you already have a job.

Fucking hell your partner has some cheek. How dare he think he can move his family in without even discussing it with you.

As an other poster pointed out you are not married and therefore have no protection against potential loss of earnings. There is no way on earth I would agree to this.

If he can give up his job, find another source of income, do all the paperwork to make it work for your job, rearrange the house to accommodate his parents and provide all the necessary care then he can crack on. Compromise can only occur through negotiation and you haven't even been given consideration.

If it's temporary and they do not live close enough for daily visits then perhaps paid care at their home could work.

Tell him to apply for attendance allowance for both his parents

He can claim carers allowance, if he only works so many hours/earns so much

He can go & live with them !

Damn cheek !