To feel uneasy about this ? Or do people just deserve to have the past left behind them?

She was obviously an unhappy and disturbed child. I would just keep a watchful eye on her.

You don’t need to be friends with her to have interactions with her.

if the impact from childhood means you don’t feel you can have interactions with her then yes pull dc and find a different one.

it doesn’t need to be a big thing as I think that would be hard on both you and her and I don’t think either of you want that after so many years trying to put it all to bed.

Well I always follow my instincts - always. They are rarely wrong, so I would discreetly remove my dc ( clashing timetables in September with new school term) and forgive her and move on from any anguish she caused. No child lies to that degree without very good reason. Maybe you could have counselling? As it sounds like it still impacts you.

@Dontbeme I'm sorry to read your post, that sounds like a big cross for you to bear.

I admit I'd be cagey around her. What if she calls to say your child has an accident or did something, will you believe her? I suspect as pp say she was very troubled but who knows if her behaviour was due to some MH condition that is ongoing or a childhood issue that she has moved on from.

Usually extreme behaviour like this is found to be a cry for help further down the line. But that doesn't mean the serious damage done to others by her behaviour can just be rationalised out with it wasn't her fault 'she was crying for help'. The effect the cry for help has on other people are very real and can have long lasting and significant effects. But I wouldn't make it an issue unless you know she is still behaving this way. I would just keep distance and not get into any conversation or connection with her. Hopefully she's changed, but I wouldn't even try and find out.

She sounds a bit like Belle Gibson. There was a documentary on TV recently about her.

Sounds like munchousens hard to know if she's recovered or not or been treated but I definitely wouldn't be looking to lose her, her job. Not sure I would want her around my child either though. Mud sticks unfortunately

If she was making up allegations about boys and teachers as a teenager, I'd probably be more worried if my husband or father was working with her, as she wouldn't necessarily have grown out of that on her 18th birthday. I probably would be less worried about my child doing an activity with her.

Keep your distance and monitor her involvement with your child. She may have grown up and all is well, but she was clearly a troubles young person who go people into trouble as she went. I would be cautious.

Happy, well adjusted children with stable, loving home lives don't usually lie to that degree. But traumatised, neglected children often make up alternate realities for themselves. I think that anyone who holds that sort of childhood behaviour against someone must be seriously lacking in empathy.

Give her a chance to live a normal adult life and put the past behind her.

I would always treat someone with kindness in this situation, not suspicion. There is one thing lying throughout childhood quite another as a fully fledged adult. I’m surprised pp can’t separate the two.

You have no idea what was going on in her home life at the time. Perhaps she has had extensive therapy to deal with her issues. She deserves a chance to build a good life for herself so I would just treat as you treat the other assistants at the activity.

That young girl made up sn alternative reality because her own life was so troubled/traumatic/troubling. It is a well known phenomenon.

I am surprised you are not pleased for her op, that she has managed to move on.

Same, I did some of the things op mentioned as a teen but nobody who knows me now would ever guess. I grew up and got a job and family. I met up with someone I knew at school years ago recently, she remembered all the wild behaviour saying you were so daring, you were a tear away, fashionista, rebellious, I didn’t recognise myself, I was like another person. I am embarrassed by some things, I would tell huge lies, truanted, and was too heavily covered in makeup and jewellery.

Do not know why I had that phase at 14-17, my mum used to scream she was calling social services to take me away but doubt she remembers it now, I turned out to be a good daughter.

There was a girl like this in school with me and since we’ve grown up I’ve now come to realise she was neglected as a child as her mother was more concerned about herself and saw her kids as an inconvenience in her life. Everybody bullied her really badly in school because she was odd, but people are products of their environments, ultimately. It seems to me like such people are crying out for attention and then get stuck in the cycle.

This, totally agree. Be polite but that’s it.

@Dontbeme I’m sorry that you went through that and that people haven’t stopped to ask why. This is exactly what I mean by why she may have been behaved in this way and that she was potentially incredibly vulnerable.

This is why I moved across the country and rarely visit home. I grew up in neglect and survived CSA by two family members, I suffered deep trauma as a consequence, depression and complex PTSD. As a result of all this I was anxious growing up and found it difficult to trust people and struggled with friendships in school. I was a shy, quiet kid and just wanted to hide from everyone. To this day I am known as the freak weirdo in my home town, people kind of snigger at me and tease me over my childhood oddities. I visit home place about once every two to three years, I have distant relationships with family that still live there. People just refuse to move on and don't have the insight to think that maybe I was a kid struggling with home life because it's easier and more fun to judge and be superior.

I think that it’s impossible to judge.

It was a long time ago, it sounds like she had issues. It sounds like she was incredibly vulnerable. Maybe she got help, maybe she’s matured and maybe she has escaped whatever was causing those issues.

I can understand that you want to be cautious regarding your dc. How old are they and what sort of activity is it? Can you put into words exactly what you are worried about?
You don’t have to be friends.

I agree just keep her at a distance. She may have changed - or not. Caution would be wise.

You are absolutely right to feel uneasy, and to carefully monitor any interactions she has and keep an ear out for suggestions she is doing the same things.

DBS checks only check for convictions or serious investigations. Telling lies isn't a crime, and many crimes go un reported, undetected and unprotected. So having a DBS is no guarantee she is now a good person or not a risk.

But at least you know....unlike every other person that your kids come into contact with you have inside information. So no real reason to remove them.

If anyone judged me now for who I was aged 14-16 I’m sure I’d be found lacking. The woman I am today is light years from the girl I was then.