To be upset by suggestion I am neurodiverse?

What diagnosis are you thinking of pursuing? "Neurodivergent" isn't a condition; it covers loads of people with varying symptoms and levels of divergence from the norm. I don't think it's a very helpful or well-defined term at all, as proven by this thread!

My DD is seeing CAMHS right now. They want her to be tested as they suspect AuADHD.

The person speaking to my DD (I was there the whole time) said I am probably autistic too. She is the third person to tell me this.

The first being a friend who is a specialist in the area.

I've done that test linked above and scored 28 out of 50.

You know what? I don't give a shiny shit. I am who I am and I like me.

I've a good job, I've a wonderful family and exceptional DH. I have good friends who know my foibles and tolerate them. (I'm obsessed with Star Trek, feminism and the environment - my special interests 😆) I volunteer lots and I push myself out of my comfort zone all the time.

Don't let it matter to you. Just keep being you. If there are things that get in the way - find coping strategies. I've spent my whole life doing that (before I knew it was likely I am ND).

Every friend I've told "I'm probably autistic" has said "well, we suspected, so what and we love you as you are"

I don't buy into all this super power nonsense. It probably is for some people. For me it's a set of quirks I adapt to and around.

Honestly. Keep being you and try not to worry or be paranoid.

OP all those things sound exactly like my birth and post-natal experience. I didn’t know anyone and it was all so bloody hard. Looking back I think I probably had post-natal depression exacerbated by a difficult time feeding, some not very nice midwives at the hospital, and being incredibly lonely and isolated. I felt a bit weird and different and became insular. Once I’d found some proper friends I started to gain my confidence again and now I’m out and about all the time. I do think keep going out even if it is hard, you’ll eventually click with some people.

I find it quite strange that you were interrupted to be asked if you were neurodiverse. Of course it is not an insult but it seems a strange approach for a professional to ask of a fairly normal sort of experience (for a new mum living somewhere without an established support network). Also, you have not said what happened at the birth but birth trauma can be a thing for any woman.

I think it depends on the rest of the conversation, my initial thought was she was just gathering background information and trying to get a fuller picture of who you are and asking if you have a diagnosis, so she can adapt her practice, or possibly redirect you to someone that can support you fully. Not necessarily offering you a diagnosis, that she won’t be qualified to do anyway.

You should direct these questions to your GP.

I don't know if this will help OP, but I have found the worry about how people will perceive me has reduced over time. I am what I am, and hopefully my general positive demeanour will win them over in due course.

Also, I tend to be perceived (I think!) by NTs as either 'weird but nice' or 'nice but weird'. I prefer the first one, as the final word in the phrase is, to me, the prevailing sentiment. So it's possible that people can find you a bit weird but like you anyway (my friends assure me this is so)!

But a psychiatrists' job is to treat the person in front of them - if you are neurodivergent (and I'm not saying you are) then she can't just ignore that while dealing with whatever issue you set up the appointment for.

Your outlook is jumbled up.

Perhaps, the reason you previously felt lots of social anxiety is because you may be neurodivergent.

It’s not another layer to your social anxiety, rather it could be the explanation behind your social anxiety. And now that you know, you can potentially explore what works better for you.

I just want to throw this out there... Traumatic births, as well as feeling socially isolated can be very common amongst those who are in abusive relationships. And it's ridiculously common for people in abusive situations being unable to see it. You haven't said much, other than your OH response was a bit underwhelming perhaps? You suggest that you didn't have problems making friends in the past? Do you feel the professional is on the way to helping you with what you went to her for?

@EsmeSusanOgg @CpOb

I am an ADHDer/PDAer and am fairly extroverted/sociable and am also very emotionally led (Myers Briggs ENFP), so don’t fit that criteria at all, even without masking! I don’t like maths/logic/numbers at all 😂.

Presumably it was about you though? So then she would want to look at you as a whole person wouldn't she? You can't really separate eg anxiety or depression from the rest of your life and personality.

The question came up because she’d asked whether I had a good support network and I’d said no, not really.

Seems a leap -as they can be other reasons for this like lots of moves - some people do seem to like to pigeon hole others though.

I actually did well at toddler groups (I'm ND) - after a couple of false starts - found a few people got on with saw them frequently became friends - so developed a support network - then DH work meant we had to move and new area I really struggled and assumed it was me. It wasn't which when I did make friends with newcomers and people who backers - turns out whole area was know to be a 'local place for local people'.

whether it’s obvious to everyone that I’m somehow strange and different

Well when I was diagnosed ND I thought it was great explained why I struggled so much why some people hated seem to hate me. Now I think some people are just rude arseholes and being so worried socially meant I tolerated more than I should have with them.

No-one surprised when they find out - but I'm not a social pariah I'm not avoided or pointed at in everyday life.

I do wonder if it's upset you as it you do have some concerns or if it's annoyed you because it's so left field and you are giving weight as she an "expert" and feel undermines your world view and life experiences because it's a poor fit.

You can try some on-line questionaries see if that helps you decide - but I'd ask why you feel like this and what a diagnosis would do for you.

I feel you are conflating things here - the £1300 is not relevant, you can contact the NHS for support for a diagnosis for free, it may just take longer than a private practitioner.

Plus it doesn’t matter if this diagnosis is not what you were consulting her about. If you went to your GP about a problem with your leg and their assessment was there may be a problem with your foot, would you be upset?

There was something in how you presented that showed possible symptoms of neurodivergence alongside your trauma. I studied psychology at university and was taught about neurodivergence as part of my course - there are specific modules students must take for an accredited course to join the board you mention in your OP. So do you not think part of her duty of care towards you to use her medical knowledge of these conditions to ensure you are signposted to the right support? Or do you expect her not to explore any other conditions even if her medical opinion is that the other condition is relevant?

She may have asked because being ND might change how they approach things.

Agree. There was a lot of focus on implied introversion/ not enjoying the company of people. Which I do not relate to at all as quite an extroverted person.

"@weareallcats If I relied on that test I would think I was NT - it doesn’t ask the right questions for me.

It’s worth doing a few of the tests on that site - they have lots, all with good explanations about limitations and so on."

Same.

I scored 16/50.

Diagnosed ADHD and likely ASD.

Doesn't mean I'm unsocial or have a superb memory for numbers though!

Wrong questions for sure.

I also think a life of being female means we're forced to learn how to override a lot of the things it's asking.

If I relied on that test I would think I was NT - it doesn’t ask the right questions for me.

It’s worth doing a few of the tests on that site - they have lots, all with good explanations about limitations and so on.

I am recently diagnosed with hf autism at the age of 56 and whilst it does indeed help me make sense of many things throughout my life I felt a bit worried that my friends had always thought I had autism but not felt able to suggest it.
Those I asked said that autism hadn’t occurred to them as they thought my ocd and anxiety explained my ways. Which I understand as I thought this too. Now they know everyone is fine with it, as am I.

I don't think she would have mentioned it if she didn't feel as though it was relevant to you and your situation.

I understand it's shocking if it's never been mentioned before but neurodiversity is chronically un-diagnosed in women and it is part of her job to identify these things and help patients pursue a diagnosis or access support if needed.

However if you don't want to then you don't have to.

God I hate threads about ND on AIBU - I’m going to have to hide this already.

I suspect you are attempting to be PC with your wording, but it’s not a ‘health condition’.

Interesting!

I have diagnosed ASD and ADHD and scored 34 out of 50, with scores above 33 indicating significant autistic traits. I am VERY obviously neurospicey to appropriately qualified people, but not to non-professionals on initial/ early interactions.