To be upset by suggestion I am neurodiverse?

BACP are counsellors and Psychotherapists. They’re not qualified psychologists (although some may also be) and shouldn’t be asking you questions about neurodiversity. You should be looking for a Chartered Clinical Psychologist registered with the BPS and HCP.

I think statements like this are really naive to be honest.

Autism can be horrendous, both for the individual who has it and those who care about them. In no way does this personally insult your children.

“that I’m somehow strange and different”

As the mother of a child who is ND, I find this description offensive!!

Many of not most of the most talented, interesting and high achieving people who have lived are ND so I don't interpret it as any kind of insult. Most people recognised as geniuses would be, whether in tech development these days or the great composers and artists.
Along with their achievements they may have had struggles in life. So if someone is struggling socially it is definitely a wise question to ask.

Maybe a lot of the outdated and negative stereotypes and tropes about ND people are colouring this experience?

My husband's line of the family are mainly ND and both my daughters are. One is an artist and one is a writer.

I am not ND but have childhood PTSD which presents very similarly in many ways and makes us all understand each other. So that is definitely another good avenue to explore. Pete Walker has a great book about childhood PTSD.

What is with all the ND bashing threads lately. Thanks for insulting my DC by implying it's an insult

I suggest you ignore her and her comment OP. Personally I think it was entirely inappropriate given that she had barely met you.

Find someone who will actually help you process and resolve your birth trauma.

Given you're seeing her about birth trauma I think she was a bit clumsy but asking as part of the initial assessment is really the best time.

The AQ seems to be an interesting one in that the people who think it's poorly worded and not specific enough or want to be able to respond in this precise context my answer is X, in this it would be y tend to have neurodiversity in common.

They simply want money.

It's likely they give the same script to everyone.

Imagine if they see 10 people a day and say the same thing they told you.

Imagine 2 actually go along with the offer. That's £2600 a day.

It sounds like an initial assessment and in that context asking about any diagnosis or consideration of a diagnosis is quite appropriate. Perhaps she thought about it when you mentioned that you didn't have much of a support network but she might have asked it at some point in the initial assessment anyway.

Your confusion might suggest that you do have some traits but many people do without it affecting their lives or they manage fine until something happens and they are overwhelmed. Like @TheDefiant I have traits but generally my lifestyle and friends mean that I manage fine in everyday life, I don't need adaptations from others, but my awareness of the traits help me sometimes to think 'ah that might explain it'.

Don't underestimate the impact of trauma and indeed hormonal changes. Often people jump to ADHD for example when in reality there can be another explanation. Especially in women of a certain age.

Dc have ADHD. I have some textbook traits so I wondered. However I didn't even consider that some particularly tragic bereavements, an abusive marriage (SA/DV survivor) and becoming menopausal would have impacted me in such a way. Turns out I am neurotypical but have PTSD. It absolutely fits as I had none of the traits when I was younger before the events happened.

I would suggest anyone exploring this route consider if there was a history at a younger age or have certain things only become noticeable after a triggering event. I think we are only just beginning to appreciate the effect personal trauma can have on the brain.

Yes it is. But how you respond to situations and what aspects of it caused the trauma would be very specific to you. No two people would respond in the same way. It may be that there were elements of the traumatic experience that you would look for in an ND person that you wouldn't in an NT person, like maybe the communication aspects would be especially difficult and something to focus on if you're doing EMDR or whatever. I'm not an expert on this stuff at all but a trauma response is going to involve the whole person. It doesn't mean actually this isn't trauma it's a neurodiversity.

This has just made it so much worse by adding the worry of, ‘Oh heavens, do I also just come across as weird? Am I missing social cues in the way that autistic people do? Are they all thinking I’m massively lacking in social skills and pitying and/or laughing at me behind my back?! I just want to go home.’
If you met 2 of my 3 Autistic kids you wouldn't have a clue they were Autistic. The 3rd might miss cues and not be great with social skills but everyone loves him and he has a lot of friends. None of them come across as weird. You've probably met a lot more Autistic people than you realise because these BS stereotypes are just that. A psychologist isnt thinking this when she asks if you might be ND and if you are Autistic naming that doesn't make any difference to who you are or mean you fit these stereotypes.

eta: its not unusual for Autistic women in particular who mask well to end up with diagnosises like GAD, social anxiety, OCD, BPD when they're actually ND.

I suppose I had a lot of social anxiety already. I’d come to really hate going to baby groups but have been pushing myself to keep going anyway as I know it’s not good to be isolated at home. I so often feel like I don’t fit in that well, that there are cliques I am not a part of and fear the others judging me - for my baby being unsettled, for the disaster that was her birth, for not having managed to wash my hair as often as I’d like and generally looking a mess, etc.

It may well be ND driving the social anxiety - or it may not.

With pfb first 4 groups were awful unfriendly and made me feel a lot worse- HV group and anti natal DH came along to and said I wasn't imagining it. . Then was given leaflet with number for local groups - way out of date and people weren't nice. Did find one only went back as leader spoke to me - only person who did - but few week later some other mothers with older babies joined and that was it.

When we moved - I had similar disheartening experiences till a random walk we found a new children center and again slowly met few other mothers and then went to other groups.

I actually think they can be some of the hardest environment to walk into - many posters on here gave up entirely on them.

OP you were traumatised (hence the appointment) and probably experiencing anxiety and depression - I'm sure after a 10 minute chat how you displayed to her could be interpreted as any of those things, including neurodiversity! I don't think she was right to make that comment, and after such a short time with you. Different if you'd asked her about it.

Honestly this is becoming a common experience. In my family/extended family we've had recent diagnoses of ASD in our kids. And it's become obvious that there are quite a few undiagnosed adults (their parents) as well. Some are seeking diagnoses because it's helping them understand and address their mental health better (chronic anxiety not responding to typical treatments) and others are comfortable enough as they are like @TheDefiant above. I guess it depends how challenging life is and how comfortable it feels.

God, lucky you if it's just a set of quirks! I find it more of a full body and brain feeling of "I'm not right for this world and i can't stand it" along with a lot of pain and suffering.

I guess it was a "super power" at school when I was doing faultless maths and spelling tests, but in adult life it's pretty miserable and limiting.

IMO it's the fact she asked you outright.
I've had lots of algorithms suggest ADHD and autism to myself so a gradual penny dropping of u like.
I thought my anxiety was just that and thinking outside the box was good.
I never realised I could be nerodivergent.
Makes sense if I am.

You can't say this and not come back and elaborate! Please do! :) Or link the thread?

It's tricky because - as someone late diagnosed, I have massive feelings of "Why did nobody pick up on this when I was younger??" so for me, I suppose, it's been such a giant relief to be diagnosed and understand I'm not actually broken, I've just been trying to fit into a mould that is the wrong shape/size, I had been metaphorically shouting into the void for years "What is wrong with me??" so it was quite nice to actually get a useful answer to that.

I don't know what exactly your psychologist was picking up on (you could always ask her, if you want to) but for example, not managing to wash my hair and generally looking a mess was definitely something I struggled with (with unmanaged ADHD) and I perceive (perhaps wrongly) that non-ADHD people don't have that problem, perhaps unless they are depressed or have some kind of chronic illness affecting mobility/energy/pain levels. As in, the idea of not managing to wash your hair is a completely alien idea to most people, because they find hair washing to be a very easy thing to do. (This is not a criticism of you, it's just an observation I've made).

Being on the outside of groups - I've always had this too - but I am totally oblivious honestly to whether this is an ND thing or whethet this is just a normal thing when you're entering into a totally new social circle. I know that so many new mothers feel alone and isolated, so you're certainly not alone or unusual to feel that way, and feeling that way does not necessarily mean that you're coming across as "weird" - it's just a very strange and isolating time of life, most people you come into contact with are sleep deprived, hormonal and adjusting to a new life so typically aren't at their best either and you sort of need some kind of external structure to push you all past the social barriers of "Oh yes fine thanks you?" into opening up and really trusting each other. It's weird because normally, to develop the kind of intimacy where you share more personal/honest responses, you need time, but when you have a new baby you have so much you need to process and discuss right now, and you have only known this person a few weeks, so that intimacy hasn't had time to develop.