To be upset by suggestion I am neurodiverse?

Perhaps...her query was based on your response not being" neuro typical."
(Personally I'd be more offended if that was suggested bout me!)

how does anyone really know what things other people find easy?

I think there's an easy ND test. Have you struggled your whole life with things that everyone else finds easy? Y or N? There's your answer.

Honestly yes, I am quite upset that a professional would suggest I could benefit from social skills training as this was an area I’d thought I was reasonably competent in.

It does seem a bit of a leap from having a difficult birth and not a great support network to this. Lots of women have babies at points where their lives are diverging from their friends for career or personal reasons.

Baby groups can be unbearably cliquey, which makes it a whole lot harder.

It's worth trying a few to find if there's a more friendly one.

Don't let her comment stop you taking social risks, life rarely gets better in isolation.

I'm not great socially, just bad at keeping in touch and not good at group dynamics. In my experience most people are just trying to get by and have the same insecurities.

No, I’d say it’s that I find the topics painfully emotive rather than bland. I feel rubbish that I didn’t have a better experience of birth and that I’ve found breastfeeding so hard. Also that my baby doesn’t sleep better and often seems unsettled when in company (perhaps she picks up on my discomfort). I usually end up feeling like everyone else is having a better time than I am and it just reinforces my negative feelings further. I don’t want to out myself as I work in quite a niche profession but it usually produces plenty of things to talk about which don’t have such a personal focus if that makes sense.

OP - back in the second wave of feminism we considered this through the lenses of consciousness-raising and the personal being political. We compared experiences, looked for commonalities and considered aspects that were emblematic of women's oppression such as the way birthing mothers are treated, or false narratives we were given of birth, breastfeeding (nursing I think it was called) or unrealistic and highly gendered expectations of new mothers. We encouraged feminist health professionals to consider these issues with women who visited them.

Now it is all individualised and, dare I say, medicalised.

I am neurodiverse and it doesn't bother me.
But I would seriously question the professionalism of someone who has spoken to you for 10mins and asks such a thing.
They should have gotten to know you and suggested you look into it - not ask such a stupid question after 10mins

It sounds quite unprofessional of the psychologist to throw out that comment so casually. It reminds me of some MN threads where "Could you be ND?" is the answer to everything!

I think it is not uncommon for women to find it difficult to switch from their professional working life to life as a mother. Not all women enjoy talking about babies and going to baby groups. I tried my best but to be honest I was bored out of my mind talking about how each baby was feeding, putting on weight, and listening to other mothers moaning about their useless partners.

I also had a traumatic birth experience (at least in my head, on paper it wasn't as bad as what other women experience) but for me it was not something I wanted to discuss or for that matter hear other people talking about their experiences. Same with breast feeding. For me it was an upsetting topic as it didn't go as easily as I had expected.

OP I think it you go to talk about one issue (whether a relationship, PND or birth trauma) it might be reasonable for the person who is helping you to flag up other potential issues once they have spent some time supporting you.
That's not what has happened here, and you are right to feel let down by it. (I remember that "everyone is coping with this better than me" feeling at baby groups - it is such a hard time for many women). In particular the suggestion of a paid-for test seems entirely inappropriate.

I was diagnosed autistic and ADHD age 50
Have read odd girl out and various other books , looking for a light bulb moment..
There was none
A lot of the questions on the assesment didn't relate to me ,and i sent the assessors a huge book Id spent weeks writing ,about how autism had effected my life ,so everything was covered.
I've not found a single other autistic person I can relate to ,not even my own children who are diagnosed also .
It just goes to show ..when you have met once autistic person ...you have met ,one autistic person..
Look up Samantha craft ,the autism in women checklist ..I ticked every box and also sent my assessors a copy of Samantha craft checklist ,explaining I met every criteria on it

Square peg podcast is excellent.

Perhaps you were able to converse easily and fluently in your proffesjon because you were an expert in the field /subject? Whereas a baby group and the chit chat about I don’t know, kitchens, holidays, nurseries is incredibly bland to you? What is/was your profession? Is your sense of humour quirky?

You clearly don’t think you are ND OP, so I’m not sure why you started this thread

I think it’s fairly obvious as to the reason OP started this thread, and they’ve got exactly what they wanted from some posters. 🙄

@Eieiom So read up on it? 🤔

"People going on about label culture trivialises others experiences." 👍🏻

@Playinwithfire again I'd love to see the evidence for label culture as you call it. This is not the same as misdiagnosis, that can happen in any area of health. In what way do you think getting diagnosed is not getting due care, that's a separate issue (and definitely a thing). Getting a diagnosis for many people is often the first step in actually getting appropriate care.
People going on about label culture trivialises others experiences.

@Jobsharenightmare I think you misunderstand me. To me, there was no more stigma to me being asked if I was neurodivergent than if I had high blood pressure. A factual question about my brain/body.

any more than if someone asked me if I had high blood pressure.

^ neurodiversity means your brain is literally wired up differently. It's in no way comparable to living with a long term health condition that can be treated.

@Eieiom Clearly misread my post. This is a label culture! Misdiagnoses happen! Handing out like sweets because there is no due care to the persons welfare. Which leads to a lot of issues.
What makes you think I don't know what it is like?

Also, I haven’t personally found books written by ND people particularly useful - it’s usually only a memoir relating to that person and their experiences and really that is not much different to expecting all NT people to relate to every memoir written by an NT person.

ND people are as varied as NT people - remember NT people share a number of characteristics too, but they are still incredibly varied in personality and so are ND people.

The most useful book I’ve read is Watching the English by Kate Fox - it made me realise that I don’t partake in a lot of ‘standard’ conventions.

You clearly don’t think you are ND OP, so I’m not sure why you started this thread, other than to have everyone say ‘don’t worry, you’re not like those weirdos’. I think there are many, many ND people around who are actively being harmed by stereotypes - both those who are diagnosed (because people make assumptions, as evidenced by attitudes on this thread) and also those who are walking around assuming they couldn’t possibly be ND, because they don’t tick certain boxes and so they just carry on struggling.

If a suggestion of ND doesn't 'click' with you then you're probably not very ND. For most of the ND women I know it was more of a 'well now it all makes sense' kind of moment!

I think feeling out of your comfort zone, (post birth trauma, hormone havok & suddenly dropped into a new social group where all you actually have in common is recently having given birth in the same town) can produce feelings of not fitting in that might be a bit similar to how a ND person feels, but yours is due to a specific set of circumstances, not how your entire life has felt!

@Playinwithfire I have to say this "diagnoses are handed out like sweets" opinion is so offensive and hurtful to people who have gone through some seriously tough times before receiving a diagnosis.
I just hate it! I don't know how this commentary is meant to be taken by autistic people, so maybe you could think about that.

Also society isn't super kind to autistic people, yes it's better than it was, but there's still a lot of misconceptions and bias around, some of which is evident in this thread, especially where the OP was shaken to her foundations that she could be. I was asked recently if I was neurodivergent, thought about it, said no (don't meet any criteria ) and it didn't bother me for one second, any more than if someone asked me if I had high blood pressure.

You do not need to pay for a private diagnosis OP. i suggest talk to your GP about a referral and say a mental health professional has advised you to look into this. There are waiting lists but they're not endless.

I believe there is a label culture happening. An that everyone who does not behave within the norm are somehow "strange, different or weird". And therefore condition or disorders are handed out like sweets and depending which one you get, usually depends on the treatment you receive i.e. judgement or support.
Society portrays kindness (I say this lightly) to those who are Autistic in comparison to those experiencing depression or PTSD. Consequently we carry shame or guilt for our bodies natural response to unnatural events.

What we are not educated on is our natural response to trauma. We are taught to get up and get on with it and not give our bodies and mind time to heal or understand what has actually happened.

Your traumatic birth is a trauma. Something you need to understand NOT be labelled. I would seriously revisit and research a counselor/psychologist who are trauma informed.