Won’t you be hot in that? Aibu to think don’t ask someone this?

wow way to victim blame!

Also people just don't think

I used to get "are you not cold? I would be freezing! Do you not have a jacket? Oh you've got a rash on your chest, did you know? It looks bad. Oh you're going red now and that rash looks worse, maybe you should see the doctor. Did you try any medication?" while staring at my rash

Meanwhile I'm getting hotter and more flustered and the more self conscious I get with people staring at me, the more hives I get
I used to come home from the gym in tears

I never get that and it’s at least a decade since I exposed my arms or legs outside the bedroom.

I always get "are you not cold"

I'm allergic to heat so I'm wearing a t shirt in winter to avoid being covered in hives

This is me too. I wear the same stull all year round.

But not everyone is dressing for comfort - that's the point people are trying to make, so by making a comment, you're forcing them to lie or dodge the question.

You might say to Jane "Aren't you boiling?" and Jane might be thinking "yes, I am, but I don't want you to see my SH scars" or "yes, but I don't want to talk about how at-risk of skin cancer I am".

IMO to be upset by that is massively oversensitive and I say that as a fat person myself. That barely even qualifies as a personal comment.

Would you say that people have to build resilience to other personal comments? To me that sounds like victim blaming.

and that may be fine if you don't have an underlying reason that you want to keep private.

The faux naivety of so many posters here. "It's just polite conversation." The only answers to "aren't you hot?" are "yes", "no, "I'm high risk for skin cancer" or "I'm self conscious about my weight." Brilliant conversational skills there. People with more sensitivity and tact know you don't spout off about other people's clothing or appearances.

Bloody well said. There's nothing polite about commenting on someone's appearance or outfit unless you're going to say how nice they look.

To be clear, I’m also saying this as someone wearing a sweater and leggings in 20 degree weather today as I feel in comfortable in the slightest breeze. I’m often asked if I’m too warm, I say “no, I’m more comfortable this way” and move on with my day.

Maybe I’d be more hurt if the comment was followed by nudges and snickers and said in a sarcastic tone. But I choose to dress to be comfortable not for anyone else’s pleasure so I’m pretty sure I’d get past that too.

@DaisyHaites

Everyone has the right to be offended. Everyone has the right to offend. But no one has the right to never be offended.

Ricky Gervais was talking about pushing boundaries in comedy. Not about some stupid tactless bint saying "ooh are you not roasting in that?" when she knows full well why the OP is dressed as she is.

The faux naivety of so many posters here. "It's just polite conversation." The only answers to "aren't you hot?" are "yes", "no, "I'm high risk for skin cancer" or "I'm self conscious about my weight." Brilliant conversational skills there. People with more sensitivity and tact know you don't spout off about other people's clothing or appearances.

It's exactly the same character of people who say "oh wow I could never manage to eat all that!"

I didn’t say it was polite, but equally I think bring requires intent so in my view it’s nothing but a neutral observation/query/comment. Akin to “I don’t know how you walk around all day in those high heels”.

But you can’t control what others say. Much less you can’t control well-meaning people unintentionally putting their foot in it. So the advice of the PP have about building resilience is the most sound advice on this thread. And I will never advocate for controlling what other people can and can’t, or should and shouldn’t say outside of the observation that it’s not very kind to try to intentionally upset people. But that’s not what we have here.

It is rude. Personally I think sun baking down on uncovered skin looks a lot hotter and more unpleasant than being covered up in loose fabrics.

Exactly this.

Why not just keep such thoughts to yourself if the person isn’t expressing any discomfort?

Why assume they must be uncomfortable because you would be?

I find shorts uncomfortable but I wouldn’t go around asking those with shorts on if they’re uncomfortable because I personally would be.

It has NEVER been polite to make personal comments unless they are appropriate compliments. I am 70 and was taught this as a child. Go die on your hill.

I find some people are just dramatic when it's warm. I have self harm scars so very rarely have my arms on show and I get the "oh are you not hot, it's very hot" usually by someone with no top on or a lot of skin on show. Making a big show of how hot it is. I don't think they are rude, just dramatic.
If its hot it's hot, doesn't matter how much of your skin is covered.

Yeah, I totally understand that and I did say upthread that it was probably thoughtless rather than malicious.

But I do think it's worth thinking twice before commenting on someone's appearance or choice of outfit.

@fieldsofbutterflies because you are making the assumption I gave you/your list more headspace than it requires. I literally just said this to dh today, I felt hot and saw him in a long top and said the same to him. I don't have anything sinister behind it, just a thought that came out.

Well, even though I’m an adult, sometimes I am inappropriately dressed for the weather.
Because I haven’t paid attention to the forecast, because I have absent-mindedly failed to pick up my coat or just grabbed the nearest shoes out of habit, because it looked sunny out of the window but actually the wind is bitter.

So if someone points it out to me when I am still in a position to do something about it, I’m usually pathetically grateful (even when I have actually paid attention and dressed this way on purpose.)

Many times I have ended up buying clothes on a day out because I am drenched or boiling or freezing.

I surely can’t be the only one. In fact I know I am not - although to be fair I am closely related to most of the other people I know that do this.
If I am with my family, we always closely interrogate clothing choices, and it often still ends up with someone getting it wrong.

This illustrates perfectly how ridiculous the commentary is!

I feel your pain, I get those comments all the time and it's annoying!! I cover my arms and legs as one - I'm a little overweight since having 2nd baby last year, 2- I am really pale and don't tan easily so no point having my body on show and 3- I also have some weird sun sensitivity so end up with a rash if I get sunburnt. Literally all summer I get aren't you hot in that, get your arms out, get your legs put etc. "NO FUCK OFF AND LET ME BE"

definitely not the most stupid comments though

I have had...

• how do you have a shower with that on?
• do you sleep in it?

Why does making conversation have to involve making unwanted comments about someone else's appearance or choice of clothes, though?

People could be wearing long sleeves for all kinds of health reasons - to help protect against cancer, or to hide SH scars, or to hide surgery scars. Why comment and make them feel self-conscious or like they have to explain themselves?

IMO the only comments you should make about clothing or appearance are positive ones.