Won’t you be hot in that? Aibu to think don’t ask someone this?

YANBU at ALL! This kind of shite does my head in. People who always have to say something.

With me - it's 'aren't you COLD?!' I very rarely get cold, and have bare arms even in Autumn and winter (unless it's less than 5 degrees C.) I just don't get cold very often. At LEAST once or twice a month, someone (usually another woman,) feels the need to say 'aren't you cold?!' 'You must be freezing!' 'ooooh you need a cardy on!' etc etc etc.... And one woman about 20 years older than me said last year 'you are a very silly girl not wrapping up properly in this cold weather!' I'm in my fucking 50s. I am NOT a silly little girl! I just said 'I'm fine thanks!'

I also go for walks - even when it's a bit cooler - or raining, and wear open toed sandals as they keep my feet cool - and if they get wet, they dry quickly. Last October, a woman I had never seen before (about 10 years YOUNGER than me,) felt the need to point at me randomly, and say 'what on earth have you got on your feet? Put some sensible shoes on that suit the weather!' I just looked at her like >>> and said 'I'm fine thank you. I'm a big girl, I can look after myself, and my shoes are fine.' She shook her head and said 'for goodness sake!' I was gobsmacked. I thought 'who the actual fucking hell do you think you are?'

Same story when me and DH were at a tourist attraction last summer. It was 19 degrees C, but a bit overcast and I was warm and was wearing knee-length shorts and a vest top. A woman (around 20 years older again,) stopped right in front of me, and said 'YOU NEED TO WRAP UP! Why are you dressed in skimpy clothes in this weather?' I was actually quite angry, and just ignored her and walked past her. She said 'er hello, I'm speaking to you!' DH said 'oh she doesn't really feel the cold.' I said 'don't fucking explain anything to this random woman. I don't even know who she is!' She looked disgusted - like I'd shat in her mouth. Again, I thought who the fuck does she think she is?!

This isn't just 'making conversation!' It's fucking nosey and intrusive, and I WILL tell you to mind your own business, or ignore you, or tell you to FUCK OFF. Depending on what mood you catch me in.

it doesn't need to be spite. Thoughtlessness and stupidity can still be offensive.

Id hope if I turned up to an event/acitivty dressed wrong then someone would raise it with me so I didn’t realise half way through I was going to die of heatstroke/freeze and could either change activity or clothes depending on situation. I wouldn’t see it any different to being told my shoes weren’t hardcore enough for the planned hike which has happened a few times.

I’ve also found with older people you sometimes need to prompt them because they will just melt and eventually faint rather than think to take their jumper off. I’ve always presumed they don’t feel the heat so much or it could just be my that’s my awkward family!

I'm fat. Comment wouldn't bother me.

I agree OP, it's an unnecessary comment that makes you feel rubbish because yes, of course I am hot in this outfit but I'm far too self conscious to get my arms/legs/belly out but thanks for bringing it to the forefront of my mind!

Get ready for all the social media posts soon as well about wear those shorts, don't worry about what you look like. Posts usually made by slim, toned women that look amazing 🙄😂

I feel your pain

If an overweight person covers up in hot weather it's actually common sense to me to think it might be a body image issue and not ask this question. Yanbu.

Well, in that particular scenario, I guess I just wouldn't feel the need to make any kind of comment in the first place.

I assume an adult is more than capable of picking their own clothes and deciding for themselves what they feel comfortable in. If they get too hot, well, they can take their jumper off or roll up their jeans - they don't need my input

But OP wasn't inappropriately dressed - she was wearing a T-shirt, not an overcoat.

OP, I do think it was odd to comment on a T-shirt, as a slightly longer sleeve doesn't instantly turn you from cool to sweltering. If anything, you'd be the cooler one, given that forearms would not get so burnt by the sun's direct rays. Not even sure why that would even be noticed, TBH.

However, I do think you need to project a bit of confidence in your clothing choices - having been in your shoes, I found it helps to own your outfit then no-one notices your size, large or small.

I get you OP. I am overweight. DM has recently lost lots of weight. Nearly every time we see each other, she makes some irritating and unnecessary comment on my clothes.

I don't think it's intended as witty repartee.

In my younger days I would often cover up with denim jacket or similar because I felt self-conscious. Sometimes a friend would say why don't you take your jacket off, it's lovely and sunny, I'd say God no, you know I hate my arms, they'd roll their eyes and say don't be daft and that would be the end of it.

I couldn't give a monkey's fart about my arms now.

Yes some will just be friendly/innocent but there is usually an undercurrent of references to weight, self consciousness, wanting to make themselves feel good by making you feel shit. Don't pretend many women don't have that competitive bitchy streak. Just don't comment, plenty to talk about without making someone feel shite. I've had it at fat times in my life, never get asked when I'm thin and wearing a cardy in summer.
There are very judgemental people around. I know one who is constantly telling his daughter to wear longer coverings on her arms. She's 45 and morbidly obese and loves having her arms out and doesn't listen to him. But he is always making comments about it and other people showing body parts.
People should wear what the fuck they like without comment

How?

If we set the scenario that we planned to go for a walk and are meeting at start. It’s really hot outside and I’ve turned up in shorts and a tshirt and they’ve turned up in jeans and a jumper how else are you supposed to say “have you actually checked the weather because you look like you are wearing totally unsuitable clothing and if you insist on that we are going to have to do something else” without commenting on their clothing?

there is nothing rude about asking if someone is comfortable.

I think Id be annoyed too. I mean presumably you know how to dress yourself and have been doing it by yourself for years!
I mean I wouldnt be annoyed enough to say anything or worry about it....just mildly irritated for a millisecond!!LOL

I used to get similar in exercise classes as I would go bright red when I got out of breath. I totally get why people were asking me if I was ok then....I probably looked like I was about to have a heart attack!!

The OP isn't complaining out loud about being too hot though!

If the OP really thinks her friend's comment is coming from a position of spite then she needs to challenge her about it, or find new friends.

It's the kind of comment that should be reserved for toddlers who want to wear a wooly jumper in the middle of a heatwave.
Not something that needs pointing out to adults. It's not a conversation starter either,
"Won't you be hot it that?"
"Yes probably, but this is what I'm wearing"
Or
"No, this is what I'm comfortable in"
Scintillating chat right there.

But you can comment on all those situations without making reference to someone's choice of outfit.

The fact is, as others on this thread have pointed out, 9 times out of 10 the people making this remark ARE being dicks!

Comments about the weather have nothing at all to do with comments about what a person is wearing.

I have been skinny and then slightly overweight (overweight enough for me to want to hide my body). You get comments either end. Whenever you wear a nice outfit when slim people ask you if you’re cold!

But It’s obviously not like that is it? It’s:

I wonder if those clothes are not as hot as they look

i I wonder if Beth doesn’t feel the heat?

I wonder if Beth is wearing her jumper because she doesn’t want to carry it? I’ll mention it and see if she wants to put it in my bag.

Beth really isn’t dressed for the activity/weather we’d planned. Do we need rethink the plan?

bloody hell Beth looks so hot she’s unwell. I’ll see if she wants some water /shade/slower walking.

I’ve got a skin condition which makes me cover up but I’d never take it as anything other than a commentary on how we must feel heat differently or checking I was ok

Hi @beenoutontheopenroad buy a very light weight low neck bum length poncho. There are some beautiful ones out there - many are beach cover ups You can then wear vest tops under it but keep yourself under cover.

I used to get asked this even as a skinny minny - I don't like too much sun, which gave me an easy response.

One thing is for sure, your friend isn't bothered about your size and is more a orried about your comfort, thats a good thing xxx

People should learn to mind their own business.
You should have told her you were fine and asked if she's been to the doctors about her hot flushes.

The post above is a perfect example of why you are not being unreasonable OP.

People who think they know better than you what you should be wearing for the weather are a pain in the arse. Wear whatever you feel comfortable in and if you feel too hot/cold that's your business.

The "right clothing for the weather" police can fuck right off.