Won’t you be hot in that? Aibu to think don’t ask someone this?

I once had a lady ask me if I wasn’t hot in my marten boots 😂 I reminded her that I come from the Caribbean.

Get this every year as someone who wears hijab. As if I will take it off because of the sun...?😅🤣

"See I find maxi skirts (in the right material) much cooler than bare legs."

Sometimes you need something to absorb the sweat!

I think comfort reasonably covers all of that - weight or SH related, from PP it sounds like even if they are hotter dressed than way, they are more comfortable overall without showing parts of their body they are uncomfortable with. Skin cancer, you’re more comfortable covering up than risking health implications. See also religious and modesty reasons.

In fact, if I had something to hide that meant I had to wear unseasonable clothes, I’d rather someone ask so I can say “now you mention it I am warm, can we go somewhere air conditioned”, given it sounds as though the person asking has concern for my wellbeing.

I was meeting a friend somewhere the other day and she mentioned she was driving. She’s never said but she rarely drives and I suspect it’s due to anxiety. So I asked if she was alright driving there, she said she’d found a longer way with no motorways so she’d be okay, I offered to pick her up, she was delighted and took me up on the offer. I suppose I should’ve been more sensitive to her anxieties and insecurities and not mentioned it…

There are about a million things people say that can be misinterpreted and taken offensively. People can’t avoid saying these things or we all become too scared to say anything. In my view, resilience has to be the only way forward to keep your sanity.

I wouldn’t be suggesting resilience is the route if the other person had said “you fat cow, what are you wearing?!”… I’d be suggesting boundaries and ending the relationship. (And I’m not for ONE SECOND suggesting the OP or anyone else is a fat cow, I’m using a common, rude and hurtful fatphobic term to make a point).

It's my business it if affect me and I've given examples of how it affects other people above.

I have never said it to anyone

See I find maxi skirts (in the right material) much cooler than bare legs. Especially shorts, unless they've very loose. You don't see people in hot climates walking around in shorts and vest tops do you? There's a reason most people cover in very hot countries.
Plus really we should all cover our skin when the sun's out, other than for maybe very short periods. Clothing and shade are better than sunscreen alone.
But yes I think it's rude to comment on people's appearance and choice of clothing unless you're paying them a compliment. Her comment is something a parent would say to a child.

@godmum56 yes. Well said.

you are not my mother. I am not your child. I have never in my life made such a comment and "I an sure we have all said xxx" is self excusing.....and if no one is judging then why make the comment in the first place?

And I don’t want to wear shorts. Because people stare. I want to wear jeans that I feel
comfortable in and no-one stares (that I’ve noticed). But I also don’t want to answer “aren’t you hot in that” because I don’t want to honestly say “yes? Boiling actually, but I’m too fat for shorts. Yes, I know I should feel comfortable and shorts come in my size but I feel like an elephant with huge calves and cankles. But thanks for asking.”

@PassingStranger lovely in theory. I’d feel about as comfortable in shorts as I would topless tbh. Oh, and people do stare and judge. All. The. Time.

Too touchy.
They are only concerned. I'm sure we have all said to someone, won't you be hot in that. Will you be warm enough without a coat etc?
Chill out.
You should wear shorts if you want anyway.
Nobody's staring at you or judging. Who cares anyway?
Why should you be boiling hot and uncomfortable?

Op, YANBU!! Most people are not doing this maliciously but for some people the subtext is “won’t you be hot in that chubby? If you were slimmer you’d feel happier in shorts/short sleeves etc”.

Anyone who has never been heavier than a size 10 won’t get the nuance of this.

I don’t comment on appearance. I might say “I love your shoes” but I don’t comment on body size/shape or whether anyone has lost/gained weight etc.

I am also careful that if I’m with more than one person, saying “wow you look amazing” to one person makes it very obvious that you’re not complimenting the second person.

I have spent years and years listening to people praising the appearance of people I’m with and not saying anything to me (or, worse, a sympathy “and you look nice too”).

no-one had to tell teenage me that I wasn’t very pretty - the absence of compliments from friends parents, adults generally said it loud and clear.

I feel so strongly about this. I know several friends who are conventionally beautiful but have a sister who isn’t (or the other way around). It’s so hard. “The pretty one and the funny/clever one” eurgh. And not fair on either sister.

OP, I hear you. It is a thing. “Aren’t you hot in that” is so annoying and insensitive.

To everyone who thinks the OP has a massive chip on her shoulder, just don’t say it to someone who’s a bit bigger. Assuming their adults, they’ve dressed themselves the way they have for a reason

For me, I’m not self-conscious, more annoyed about the questions and comments asked that follow my reason.

I have brown skin and people who ask such questions make it out as if I can’t suffer from the heat or the sun, say never heard such a thing happening, question why I wear spf, how can I not like the sun, etc. Just accept I know my own body and skin better than you.

All that needs to be said is, “that’s unfortunate” and leave it at that or not comment at all.

Exactly this it isn't just friends and family it's also random strangers and when your hearing it 5 times a day its hard.

"They’re not being a dick. They’re making conversation.

You have your own body issues which you have chosen not to do anything about in your lifetime.

Therefore you have to deal with what you think are insensitive, rude comments (they’re not, you’re just insecure and instead of reflecting on yourself you’re trying to make it someone else’s problem)."

Really? in what way is this not excusing the commenter and blaming the person who is anniyed by the comment?

I personally get annoyed if people say this as it sounds like something my mum would say when I was much younger. I am not overweight and don't have any body issues but a comment like that makes me sound like I don't know how to dress appropriately. However it wouldn't bother me enough to comment but I would just shut it down with a "No I am fine thanks"

Agree so much with this. When I'm feeling self conscious anyway I have people saying won't you be hot in that. If it's a close friend who I know well I can crack a joke about them wanting me to take my clothes off so they can look at me but if it's an acquaintance I don't know what to say and feel like shit

I think the people who get upset about the comments are probably just sick to death of them and have had a lifetime of ‘defending’ their clothing choices, whatever those may be. There is no need to make tedious observations like this about others.

And slightly OT but what’s wrong with a 3/4 length t shirt anyway? Sounds summery enough!

@Differentstarts

Agree. With my skin everyone would tell me “No, don’t cover up, no-one will say anything! No-one’s looking at you!”

People did look, people did ask. Random shop keepers, people we bumped into. It’s not as easy as it sounds to not worry about it.

Im thin and pale, i get cold super easily and burn at the mere sight of sun. I almost always wear long sleeves even when it’s very hot. No one has ever said this to me, so yes think it’s a dig at size which is just horrible.

Who are you to decide whether someone else is "dressed wrong", though?

Inappropriate footwear is different as it can be a clear safety hazard - but also, pretty much nobody picks their footwear to cover up a health or medical issue that they don't want to be asked about.

Jeans instead of shorts or a t-shirt instead of a jumper is just personal preference - and last time I checked, you can always take a jumper off, or roll jeans up if you're feeling the heat.

Yanbu I have sh scars and I hate it when people make comments like this and then on the odd occasion I don't cover them people comment on them. You literally can't win. Nobody should be commenting on people's bodies and clothes choices. It's awkward and makes me feel uncomfortable anybody disagreeing with you doesn't get it.

I know how it feels. I used to spend summer in leggings and thin cardigans because of a really bad, shocking to look at, skin condition. The school run in summer was miserable with everyone looking gorgeous in their summer clothes and me sweating 😅

Why would you need to ask or comment at all? They likely looked in the mirror before stepping out the door. Why not trust they know themselves better than you? If they don’t, that is their problem and they will know for next time.

However, if they are the type that will moan either say something or don’t invite them at all.