Page 5 | Won’t you be hot in that? Aibu to think don’t ask someone this?

beenoutontheopenroad · 2024-05-12T08:27:45+00:00

I’m overweight (I’m doing something about it but regardless) and I hate showing parts of my body which is difficult when the suns out. Yesterday I met up with friends and had a t-shirt on that was a 3 quarter length sleeve. Straight away I got asked “won’t you be hot in that”. If you’re that person please just don’t comment this, it personally makes me feel shit as it’s taken me ages to get ready and I already feel so far out of my comfort zone . It’s also irrelevant to you if I’m hot as I’m the one who has to deal with it.

KateMiskin · 12/05/2024 19:10

godmum56 · 12/05/2024 18:42

I have said it before and I will say it again. I am 70. When i was a child I was taught not to make personal remarks unless they were good compliments. I can be resilient....Does "fuck off and mind your business you mouthy cow" count as resilient?

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You'd tell someone who asked if you were hot to fuck off? or have I misread?

Gwenhwyfar · 12/05/2024 19:09

fieldsofbutterflies · 12/05/2024 19:07

It's still not your business.

If you chose to let someone else's clothing choice dictate how you spend your time, then that's on you.

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No, it's not on me actually. You often get no choice in it.

phoenixrosehere · 12/05/2024 19:08

Rather than dictating how others should think or speak, why not focus on strengthening your emotional resilience to disregard any perceived 'hurty' words.

You can be resilient and also think people are being rude for making comments about your personal choices of clothing that doesn’t effect them. It is not an either/or situation

fieldsofbutterflies · 12/05/2024 19:07

Gwenhwyfar · 12/05/2024 19:01

I've explained above why it IS my business if someone's lack of planning affects me and other friends.

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It's still not your business.

If you chose to let someone else's clothing choice dictate how you spend your time, then that's on you.

phoenixrosehere · 12/05/2024 19:06

PassingStranger · 12/05/2024 18:17

Exactly people can't mind read and know exactly what they are supposed to say.

It's part of life learning how to brush things off or make light.

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People could just say nothing. It’s not hard to keep comments to yourself.

Unless someone looks like they’re in trouble, hurt, swaying, due to their clothing choice, no comments or faux questioning is necessary.

GrumpyOldCrone · 12/05/2024 19:03

Gwenhwyfar · 12/05/2024 19:01

I've explained above why it IS my business if someone's lack of planning affects me and other friends.

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Perhaps some of us are unconvinced that it affects you sufficiently to excuse your personal comments about other people’s choice of clothing.

Gwenhwyfar · 12/05/2024 19:01

fieldsofbutterflies · 12/05/2024 17:53

It's really not any of your business, however much you may like to think otherwise.

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I've explained above why it IS my business if someone's lack of planning affects me and other friends.

godmum56 · 12/05/2024 18:42

PassingStranger · 12/05/2024 18:17

Exactly people can't mind read and know exactly what they are supposed to say.

It's part of life learning how to brush things off or make light.

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I have said it before and I will say it again. I am 70. When i was a child I was taught not to make personal remarks unless they were good compliments. I can be resilient....Does "fuck off and mind your business you mouthy cow" count as resilient?

willWillSmithsmith · 12/05/2024 18:41

It’s because you’re sensitive about your weight, you most likely interpreted it as being directed at that. If you were down to the weight you’re aiming for it wouldn’t cross your mind to be sensitive about it.

CrushingOnRubies · 12/05/2024 18:41

My dad is the king of this sort of question.

Won't you be too hot? No im feeling cold today
Won't you be to cold? Here's the jumper I'm bringing
Will you be ok in those shoes? I'm taking these with me also

I know he's trying to care but drives me bonkers. Yanbu

fieldsofbutterflies · 12/05/2024 18:20

ILoveYouItsRuiningMyLife · 12/05/2024 17:58

Urgh. Conversation is getting too difficult.

I really don't think it's that hard to avoid making unnecessary comments about someone's outfit.

Allwelcone · 12/05/2024 18:18

FiatEarth · 12/05/2024 09:49

Rather than dictating how others should think or speak, why not focus on strengthening your emotional resilience to disregard any perceived 'hurty' words.

This 100%

PassingStranger · 12/05/2024 18:17

ILoveYouItsRuiningMyLife · 12/05/2024 17:58

Urgh. Conversation is getting too difficult.

Exactly people can't mind read and know exactly what they are supposed to say.

It's part of life learning how to brush things off or make light.

Pottedpalm · 12/05/2024 17:59

Wishlist99 · 12/05/2024 09:37

I get what you mean OP. During the heatwave last year I was wearing a maxi skirt which was absolutely fine for me and I thought appropriate for the weather. Another mum at the school gate kept on banging on and on and on about how I must be SO HOT and how could I bear to have anything covering my legs. Said mum had on teeny tiny denim hot pants and a vest top size 6 figure and the disdain directed at me was palpable. It was incredibly irritating. Don’t tell me that I must be feeling hot, over and over again!

Ask her if she has ever noticed what people who live in very hot countries wear.. they are not stupid enough to expose their flesh to the searingly hot sun.

ILoveYouItsRuiningMyLife · 12/05/2024 17:58

Urgh. Conversation is getting too difficult.

fieldsofbutterflies · 12/05/2024 17:57

beenoutontheopenroad · 12/05/2024 17:28

How do you figure that because I actually have a good amount of friends.

Met up with three yesterday and two on Friday, I’m visiting one in London on Friday for a concert and on Sunday I’m meeting two for breakfast/brunch.

So how does your theory work that I’m apparently hard work when in the space of a week I’ve been out with 8 different people.

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Don't worry - it seems to be the default insult on MN these days.

fieldsofbutterflies · 12/05/2024 17:56

There are about a million things people say that can be misinterpreted and taken offensively. People can’t avoid saying these things or we all become too scared to say anything. In my view, resilience has to be the only way forward to keep your sanity.

For me, avoiding making personal comments about someone's choice of clothing is just completely unnecessary (unless you're being complimentary).

You wouldn't need to worry about being misinterpreted or causing offence if you just...didn't say anything in the first place.

If I'm too hot and want to go somewhere with air conditioning, then I would just say so. I don't need someone making an awkward comment about my appearance to do that.

fieldsofbutterflies · 12/05/2024 17:53

Gwenhwyfar · 12/05/2024 17:23

It's my business it if affect me and I've given examples of how it affects other people above.

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It's really not any of your business, however much you may like to think otherwise.

fieldsofbutterflies · 12/05/2024 17:52

PassingStranger · 12/05/2024 16:51

Too touchy.
They are only concerned. I'm sure we have all said to someone, won't you be hot in that. Will you be warm enough without a coat etc?
Chill out.
You should wear shorts if you want anyway.
Nobody's staring at you or judging. Who cares anyway?
Why should you be boiling hot and uncomfortable?

I've never said any of those things to a grown adult, no.

I just assume that adults are capable of dressing themselves without my input, and that if they've chosen to wear long trousers in a heatwave, then it's probably for a good reason - and one that's absolutely nothing to do with me.

Xmasbaby11 · 12/05/2024 17:51

I’m overweight and wouldn’t be bothered by this. It’s just normal conversation!

TruthorDie · 12/05/2024 17:48

Annoying and unnecessary. Most people can work out if they are comfortable and happy with their outfit choices.

Flapperghast · 12/05/2024 17:48

So funny - I was only having this conversation with my DM yesterday.

I'd bumped into my MIL in town and she'd looked at my jeans, as she has many times in the past, and said 'Oooh, aren't you hot in that? You need to get some shorts on!' It really makes me annoyed that she can't look at me without commenting on my choices, or using her imagination to think why I don't want to wear shorts.

I was moaning to my DM about this, and she said she was guilty of this too; she'd just commented to a friend she'd seen in town, 'Look at you with your legs out'. She said she could now see that might not have been great either!

I don't think there's really any need to comment on people's clothes unless it's an obvious compliment. It's rude and makes people who are probably already self-concious, even more so.

Missmousie · 12/05/2024 17:44

Personally I'd rather see someone wearing a 3/4 sleeve t shirt than a strappy top any day, if they' re old enough to know better.
In any case people generally should keep their sticky beaks out, if you're comfortable what business is it of theirs .
Anyway a 3/4 sleeve top is hardly overdressing for May in the UK, it's not December in Oz.

Original poster

beenoutontheopenroad · 12/05/2024 17:31

PassingStranger · 12/05/2024 16:51

Too touchy.
They are only concerned. I'm sure we have all said to someone, won't you be hot in that. Will you be warm enough without a coat etc?
Chill out.
You should wear shorts if you want anyway.
Nobody's staring at you or judging. Who cares anyway?
Why should you be boiling hot and uncomfortable?

I can genuinely say I’ve never spoken to an adult like a child and reminded them about a coat.

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Original poster

beenoutontheopenroad · 12/05/2024 17:28

CharlotteRumpling · 12/05/2024 09:50

This is why everyone on MN has no friends and think of friends as " drama".

. I realise I sound horrible but I really do not have the time to think about other people's poor body image. I would never comment on their weight, but a harmless comment like this would probably escape my lips. Because friendship shouldn't be such hard work.

How do you figure that because I actually have a good amount of friends.

Met up with three yesterday and two on Friday, I’m visiting one in London on Friday for a concert and on Sunday I’m meeting two for breakfast/brunch.

So how does your theory work that I’m apparently hard work when in the space of a week I’ve been out with 8 different people.

OP posts: