Page 2 | Won’t you be hot in that? Aibu to think don’t ask someone this?

beenoutontheopenroad · 2024-05-12T08:27:45+00:00

I’m overweight (I’m doing something about it but regardless) and I hate showing parts of my body which is difficult when the suns out. Yesterday I met up with friends and had a t-shirt on that was a 3 quarter length sleeve. Straight away I got asked “won’t you be hot in that”. If you’re that person please just don’t comment this, it personally makes me feel shit as it’s taken me ages to get ready and I already feel so far out of my comfort zone . It’s also irrelevant to you if I’m hot as I’m the one who has to deal with it.

CoffeeCantata · 14/05/2024 12:40

Just back, and it seems there are STILL some pps who don't understand OP's point!

It's simple:

It's fine to check that children are appropriately dressed.

Where adults are concerned please bear 2 things in mind before making a dumb remark:

they have chosen their clothing consciously and are capable of removing it if they wish and
it may be that, if they are wearing something which YOU personally would find uncomfortable, there may be a good, private reason for that which the person does not want attention drawn to, or to have to explain to you or anyone else present.

Why is this simple idea so hard to understand? I've always found busy-bodying of this type incomprehensible.

saveforthat · 14/05/2024 11:52

CantDealwithChristmas · 14/05/2024 11:20

They do actually. I once had a colleague who was a very big guy and he always wore a jacket over his shirt. He clearly didn't feel comfortable removing the jacket, fair enough his business. There was a right busybody we worked with who would ALWAYS nag and nip away at him, saying how hot he must be, why didn't he remove his jacket, on and on, day after day. If she had thought about it for a minute with any level of empathy she might have realised that a) it was his damn jacket that he paid for so b) he could wear it if he wanted and in fact c) it was none of her business.

I think some people lack sensitivity, some are socially inept and some positively take pride in making others uncomfortable.

Show quote history

My friends teenage son used to refuse to remove his hoodie on holiday in hot countries. It was because he was embarrassed for anyone to see sweaty patches on his t-shirt.

CantDealwithChristmas · 14/05/2024 11:20

Bikechic · 13/05/2024 16:45

I bet men don't have to put up with this shit

They do actually. I once had a colleague who was a very big guy and he always wore a jacket over his shirt. He clearly didn't feel comfortable removing the jacket, fair enough his business. There was a right busybody we worked with who would ALWAYS nag and nip away at him, saying how hot he must be, why didn't he remove his jacket, on and on, day after day. If she had thought about it for a minute with any level of empathy she might have realised that a) it was his damn jacket that he paid for so b) he could wear it if he wanted and in fact c) it was none of her business.

I think some people lack sensitivity, some are socially inept and some positively take pride in making others uncomfortable.

MrsPositivity1 · 14/05/2024 09:04

I'm sorry but I feel you are being unreasonable.

Mummadeze · 14/05/2024 06:16

@OldPerson your post is extremely naive. I eat healthily, do 12000-15000 steps a day, play tennis four times a week, am on weightloss injections and am still struggling to get below a size 16. If only it was as bloody easy as walking for half an hour in the evenings. You literally have no idea.

nfjffj · 14/05/2024 04:20

I agree. It’s rude to comment like this. There can be a number of reasons why people choose to cover up and pointing this out is only going to make them feel uncomfortable.

Gladysrocker · 13/05/2024 23:45

RUDE. Stay in your own lane. If you’re warm , good for you, if you’re cool, good for you. Do not concern yourself with the temperature of other people , some of these situations are medically sensitive and can’t be avoided.

godmum56 · 13/05/2024 22:28

RampantIvy · 13/05/2024 21:52

@AlmostAJillSandwich people won't be noticing you as much as you think they are. Surely, a loose cotton or linen shirt would be far more comfortable than a thick hoodie, and more flattering than a T-shirt?

personally I would agree with you....but not your choice or my choice, her choice.

XenoBitch · 13/05/2024 21:58

OldPerson · 13/05/2024 20:55

Possibly the point you're missing is that no one cares about how you look.

But they probably do care about how you feel, how happy you are.

Either that or they're deliberately targetting you and feel even more insecure themselves.

They're probably your friends because they like you as person.

You've deliberately shut off advice about losing weight - by stating you're trying to address this.

But seriously - how many summers have you felt unhappy about clothes and what you're wearing?

And still no one cares about what you look like.

No one but you.

They obviously like you because either "you fit in" or you have "values" they appreciate.

So who are you dressing for?

There has never been a better time to be fat, with all the body positivity and generally most clothing houses doing plus sizes.

So do it in small steps. Buy a maxi dress. Feel comfortable.

Find a diet - an every day diet - that includes all the foods you love. A forever diet. Eat chocolate. But try to restrict it to 14,000 calories a week.

Your biggest challenge will be - how do I eat 14,000 calories every week and feel happy and not deprived. Because until you work that out, you can never maintain your weight, at any weight.

You can eat anything. You can do a full Sunday roast or eat pizza. But you need a normal every day diet like all your non-overweight friends.

You just need balance - not punishing yourself.

Then set yourself a challenge, now the evenings are long, and walk your streets for half an hour, 3 nights a week.

Seriously not kidding you. 68 year old woman who was not fat. Maybe stocky. I see her every Sunday. She doesn't work, but this was through winter over the past 7 months. She got a watch step counter. She set herself a challenge of walking 10,000 steps every day. Didn't really notice until she started looking different. She's pretty sound mentally and emotionally. But apparently walking 10,000 steps every day can have a dramatic effect. Trust me she was a slight nutter, as in pushing her mother out for a walk to complete the 10,000. But hand on heart, she's lost just over 3 stone in 7 months.

I am on the chubby side, but I could lose all the excess weight and still be covered up in the summer due to SH scars.

People do comment on them. I have had a man keep uttering "fucking hell", and nudge his wife to have a look... in my earshot. I have had people point me out to each other and have, what they think is, a sneaky look. I have had people outright ask me about it....

People do care what others look like. And it is the knobs who pass comments on it too.

RampantIvy · 13/05/2024 21:52

@AlmostAJillSandwich people won't be noticing you as much as you think they are. Surely, a loose cotton or linen shirt would be far more comfortable than a thick hoodie, and more flattering than a T-shirt?

AlmostAJillSandwich · 13/05/2024 21:41

As the girl who constantly has a hoodie type zip up top on even on the hottest days when i'm around anyone but my dad, i totally agree!

I know i'm fat, and i can see in the bloody mirror that a thin T-shirt, even one a few sizes bigger, looks shit, and shows every lump and roll. So i wear a heavier material, zip up over the top that more skims over my stomach, as even though it doesn't "hide" my size, or potentially even makes me look an extra size bigger, it makes me look a better shape.

"Yes, I AM bloody hot, my back is drenched in sweat and my sleeves are rolled up to my elbows, but it makes me feel a bit better and less self conscious, and your comment stating the bloody obvious, is humiliating, as we both know the answer, and WHY i'm wearing what i'm wearing."

godmum56 · 13/05/2024 21:35

OldPerson · 13/05/2024 20:55

Possibly the point you're missing is that no one cares about how you look.

But they probably do care about how you feel, how happy you are.

Either that or they're deliberately targetting you and feel even more insecure themselves.

They're probably your friends because they like you as person.

You've deliberately shut off advice about losing weight - by stating you're trying to address this.

But seriously - how many summers have you felt unhappy about clothes and what you're wearing?

And still no one cares about what you look like.

No one but you.

They obviously like you because either "you fit in" or you have "values" they appreciate.

So who are you dressing for?

There has never been a better time to be fat, with all the body positivity and generally most clothing houses doing plus sizes.

So do it in small steps. Buy a maxi dress. Feel comfortable.

Find a diet - an every day diet - that includes all the foods you love. A forever diet. Eat chocolate. But try to restrict it to 14,000 calories a week.

Your biggest challenge will be - how do I eat 14,000 calories every week and feel happy and not deprived. Because until you work that out, you can never maintain your weight, at any weight.

You can eat anything. You can do a full Sunday roast or eat pizza. But you need a normal every day diet like all your non-overweight friends.

You just need balance - not punishing yourself.

Then set yourself a challenge, now the evenings are long, and walk your streets for half an hour, 3 nights a week.

Seriously not kidding you. 68 year old woman who was not fat. Maybe stocky. I see her every Sunday. She doesn't work, but this was through winter over the past 7 months. She got a watch step counter. She set herself a challenge of walking 10,000 steps every day. Didn't really notice until she started looking different. She's pretty sound mentally and emotionally. But apparently walking 10,000 steps every day can have a dramatic effect. Trust me she was a slight nutter, as in pushing her mother out for a walk to complete the 10,000. But hand on heart, she's lost just over 3 stone in 7 months.

congratulations but i think you have kind of missed the point of the thread there. This is not just about people who are conscious about their body shape. People have many reasons to dress the way they choose to and they don't have to justify or explain their choices to anybody. Yes the OP says herself that she considers herself to be heavier than she'd like to be BUT she also says that she is dealing with it. ...so I am not sure why yoru comment really.

ThreePointOneFourOneFiveNine · 13/05/2024 21:24

Personally I think you should never comment on anyone's appearance other than to pay them a compliment. "Won't you be hot in that" is not a compliment, and is, hopefully unintentionally, drawing attention to someone's weight. I managed to figure that out despite being naturally very thin before I had kids. It's not an okay thing to say.

Differentstarts · 13/05/2024 21:08

OldPerson · 13/05/2024 20:55

Possibly the point you're missing is that no one cares about how you look.

But they probably do care about how you feel, how happy you are.

Either that or they're deliberately targetting you and feel even more insecure themselves.

They're probably your friends because they like you as person.

You've deliberately shut off advice about losing weight - by stating you're trying to address this.

But seriously - how many summers have you felt unhappy about clothes and what you're wearing?

And still no one cares about what you look like.

No one but you.

They obviously like you because either "you fit in" or you have "values" they appreciate.

So who are you dressing for?

There has never been a better time to be fat, with all the body positivity and generally most clothing houses doing plus sizes.

So do it in small steps. Buy a maxi dress. Feel comfortable.

Find a diet - an every day diet - that includes all the foods you love. A forever diet. Eat chocolate. But try to restrict it to 14,000 calories a week.

Your biggest challenge will be - how do I eat 14,000 calories every week and feel happy and not deprived. Because until you work that out, you can never maintain your weight, at any weight.

You can eat anything. You can do a full Sunday roast or eat pizza. But you need a normal every day diet like all your non-overweight friends.

You just need balance - not punishing yourself.

Then set yourself a challenge, now the evenings are long, and walk your streets for half an hour, 3 nights a week.

Seriously not kidding you. 68 year old woman who was not fat. Maybe stocky. I see her every Sunday. She doesn't work, but this was through winter over the past 7 months. She got a watch step counter. She set herself a challenge of walking 10,000 steps every day. Didn't really notice until she started looking different. She's pretty sound mentally and emotionally. But apparently walking 10,000 steps every day can have a dramatic effect. Trust me she was a slight nutter, as in pushing her mother out for a walk to complete the 10,000. But hand on heart, she's lost just over 3 stone in 7 months.

Omg shut up do you think all bigger people eat more then slimmer people 🙄 I was stick thin all my life then I started taking antispsychotics and got hypothyroidism I eat less now then I have ever done and iv never been this heavy. Hypothyroidism, pcos, menopause, peri menopause, medications, genes plus a million other things cause weight gain, diet is just a part of that and just because someone's overweight I'd doesn't mean their shoveling food down their throat 24/7

OldPerson · 13/05/2024 20:55

Possibly the point you're missing is that no one cares about how you look.

But they probably do care about how you feel, how happy you are.

Either that or they're deliberately targetting you and feel even more insecure themselves.

They're probably your friends because they like you as person.

You've deliberately shut off advice about losing weight - by stating you're trying to address this.

But seriously - how many summers have you felt unhappy about clothes and what you're wearing?

And still no one cares about what you look like.

No one but you.

They obviously like you because either "you fit in" or you have "values" they appreciate.

So who are you dressing for?

There has never been a better time to be fat, with all the body positivity and generally most clothing houses doing plus sizes.

So do it in small steps. Buy a maxi dress. Feel comfortable.

Find a diet - an every day diet - that includes all the foods you love. A forever diet. Eat chocolate. But try to restrict it to 14,000 calories a week.

Your biggest challenge will be - how do I eat 14,000 calories every week and feel happy and not deprived. Because until you work that out, you can never maintain your weight, at any weight.

You can eat anything. You can do a full Sunday roast or eat pizza. But you need a normal every day diet like all your non-overweight friends.

You just need balance - not punishing yourself.

Then set yourself a challenge, now the evenings are long, and walk your streets for half an hour, 3 nights a week.

Seriously not kidding you. 68 year old woman who was not fat. Maybe stocky. I see her every Sunday. She doesn't work, but this was through winter over the past 7 months. She got a watch step counter. She set herself a challenge of walking 10,000 steps every day. Didn't really notice until she started looking different. She's pretty sound mentally and emotionally. But apparently walking 10,000 steps every day can have a dramatic effect. Trust me she was a slight nutter, as in pushing her mother out for a walk to complete the 10,000. But hand on heart, she's lost just over 3 stone in 7 months.

independentfriend · 13/05/2024 20:05

This has an obvious answer - no, I'm cooler wearing this than I would be if I had to cover a lot more skin with suncream; I burn fast. (Doesn't have to be true, though it would be for me and diverting the conversation towards proper clothing to prevent sunburn / reduce the risk of skin cancer is a reasonable response anyway to someone wearing very little clothing on a hot day)

RampantIvy · 13/05/2024 19:57

Mummadeze · 13/05/2024 18:43

Thank you for this post. I have made comments like this before but won’t anymore. It seems more thoughtful not to in case.

I think I have made similar comments, but I have learned a lot from this thread.

Gingernan · 13/05/2024 19:27

I think it's perfectly OK, people have said it to me and I wouldn't take offence ,whyever,its just a concerned question.

Mummadeze · 13/05/2024 18:43

Thank you for this post. I have made comments like this before but won’t anymore. It seems more thoughtful not to in case.

AuntieSoap · 13/05/2024 18:07

@buffyslayer I feel for you! I can see why Xolair is life changing for you.

NeverDropYourMooncup · 13/05/2024 17:31

Bikechic · 13/05/2024 16:45

I bet men don't have to put up with this shit

DP gets asked every year 'Aren't you hot in that?' because he wears dark longsleeved shirts all year round and has been told by a boss before that he stood out for all the wrong reasons/it made other staff feel uncomfortable as though he was trying to look like management.

Strangely, once he'd rolled them up and everybody got a good look at active Psoriasis patches, scarring from old Psoriasis patches and the hundreds of scars from cutting and burning himself as a teenager/young man, they were suddenly rather keen on him going back to his original appearance. However, he decided he rather liked getting some sun on his forearms, so kept them rolled up for a fortnight, meaning the Psoriasis cleared up but the brown tan really showed his SH scars off to their best advantage.

Nowadays, it's just the standard strangers asking him every year.

Bikechic · 13/05/2024 16:45

I bet men don't have to put up with this shit

CantDealwithChristmas · 13/05/2024 14:52

I agree. As a very troubled teen dealing with parental abuse I would self harm and hide it with long sleeves even in summer. The number of teachers and randoms encouraging me to wear short sleeves because I must be hot. Really discomforting and gave me so much shame which actually delayed me seeking therapy in adult life. It's like, there's no need. Just trust that a body's owner knows more about their body than you do.

fieldsofbutterflies · 13/05/2024 14:44

TheGoogleMum · 13/05/2024 10:49

My friend often wears cardigans in heatwaves. It seems crazy to me to wear a cardigan in hot conditions but I guess it must be about feeling uncomfortable about her weight. I'm overweight too though and wouldn't be judgemental about weight

I wear cardigans or long sleeves because I don't want to burn - and due to my skin type I'm at higher risk of cancer.

Covering up with sleeves is much less hassle than faffing with suncream all the time.

RampantIvy · 13/05/2024 14:41

willWillSmithsmith · 13/05/2024 14:05

I wear cardigans in hot weather because I don’t want to burn. It wouldn’t bother me if someone asked if I’d be too hot, I’d just say ‘I don’t want to burn’.

Show quote history

I don't want to burn so I wear a long sleeved cotton or linen shirt.