Won’t you be hot in that? Aibu to think don’t ask someone this?

She wouldn't agree to sit in the sun with a big hat on. She had way too many clothes on as she had covered herself head to toe to avoid wearing sun cream (and not in particularly thin clothing either).

"I don’t mind being in sun for a short amount of time but i wouldn’t want to sit and have lunch / coffee in full sun ☀️"

Makes sense if it's 30 degrees, but it was low twenties in May. It was my first chance of the year to get some sun. Never again!

No. I don't take offence easily.

I cover up to avoid sun damage as well @fieldsofbutterflies

Yeah, I wouldn't take offence either but I just think it's easier to avoid unnecessary personal comments like that - it rarely ever achieves anything good.

I cover up to avoid sun damage and I'm quite happy to say it, but I understand that someone else might not want to have attention drawn to their choices.

would you be annoyed if it was some random who said it?

Yes, there is implied criticism in your dress choice when someone says that, but it isn't something that I would take offence at. I feel the cold quite easily, and when DD says "mum, aren't you boiling in that?" I just say "no".

Of course it's a personal comment and a totally unnecessary one at that.

Why not assume that grown adults can dress themselves without your input and commentary?

ok one more time for the hard of thinking.

The person you are talking to is an adult with the capacity to choose what they wear therefore

They have made that decision because what they have chosen is what they will feel comfortable in in the prevailing weather conditions

or

There is another reason that they have chosen what they are wearing and they have also not chosen to inform you of what that is.

In circumstance one there is no reason to ask the question. in circumstance two, its not your business and you risk hurting/upsetting the person which I am (fairly) sure was not the intention.

@phoenixrosehere it’s an unnecessary question in your view, not everyone would feel the same and everyone is welcome to think and receive questions differently aren’t they.

It’s an unnecessary comment/question regardless. OP is an adult. She chose what she wore for a reason and it doesn’t matter the why since it is her body and she knows what personally makes her uncomfortable. Even if she was hot, is the friend going to open her bag and have a shorter sleeve shirt for her?

@godmum56 its not the same thing at all. And aren’t you now judging my comment? I’m not judging, I’m trying to be supportive in that I don’t think it’s a comment about her body and is more about the longer sleeve she was wearing.

@fieldsofbutterflies its a comment on whether someone will be hot in a longer sleeve top not a personal comment about someone’s weight or body which of course is not ok.

There’s usually a compromise ?
outdoor seating where you can have a bit of sun and they can push their chair into shade or you all sit in sun and they wear a big hat 👒 that’s what I’d do .
I don’t mind being in sun for a short amount of time but i wouldn’t want to sit and have lunch / coffee in full sun ☀️

Except lots of people have explained why it is unreasonable to ask things like that.

Personally I don't understand why anyone thinks it necessary to comment on anyone's appearance unless it's to give them a compliment 🤷‍♀️

I wouldn’t ask you that question , I might have asked my kids that when they were young and I didn’t want them to get hot 🥵 and whiny about it .
I’m quite pale and often wear light tops , maybe linen , with 3/4 or long sleeves in sunshine ☀️ I prefer my shoulders covered and my chest , or you can get so much sun damage.
I would wear a lower cut top maybe if I knew I wasn’t going to get sun ☀️/ in the evening.
I don’t have issues with the appearance of my skin or anything like that .
my legs however 🤪 I wear midi or maxis or full length linen trousers because of my lovely veins 😩

Walked through town today, and saw a man get confronted.
Is very warm and sunny here, and he was wearing a thick coat, scarf, and one of those Russian style hats. A lady asked him if he was hot, and he said no.

sensitive

I think that's why these threads are useful....yes there are people who will say such things without thought. Hopefully some of them will read this thread and it will make them think. There might also be the case where they will read this thread and go "oh THAT's why xxx looked so hurt/angry/embarassed when I asked that" there are of course the complete random strangers who think they have the right to comment on what other people are wearing. Like people who tell other people to "smile, cheer up" they deserve whatever response that people choose to give.....including vicars and old ladies.

I know what you mean OP, its drawing attention to it, but probably not intentional. Some people just don't think before they speak, like even if you were hot in it, then what are you going to do, just take it off?? Its a totally pointless question but as I say some people just speak rather than think first is there any point in me saying that. Made me laugh last year, it was "summer" but it was raining, so I had boots on, a woman commented on them 3 times, asking why I'm wearing them as "its summer" not sure what her objective was for her to say it that many times. The first two times I smiled then the third as she was walking in a puddle in her sandals I said "doesn't matter what month it is, its still raining".

and I think you shouldn't judge other people. I bet there are things that people could say to you that would make you feel uncomfortable and belittled. "Way way too over sensitive" is along the same the same line as "can't you take a joke"

You are being way way way too over sensitive. I think how you are feeling about the comment is more reflective of how you are feeling about yourself. It’s not an unreasonable question.

Yes, exactly this. Keep the comments away from what people are wearing - it’s not difficult!

Yes. There is a difference. Not sure why some are making it out as if it is a hard distinction.

It’s quite sunny and warm today isn’t it?

vs

Aren’t you warm/hot in that?

The former is commenting about the weather and the latter is commenting on someone‘s dress not specifically the weather.

But you can talk about the weather - just not what other people are wearing.

I’ve only ever raised the issue of what people are wearing in what weather to the people to whom I gave birth. I don’t think I should be commenting on other people’s clothing.

I shut it down quickly when it’s done to me because at times it has been very inappropriate eg commenting on hat wearing when I had had sudden hair loss.

Comments like this baffle the fuck out of me. What kind of contribution is this to the thread?

What kind of insight is this? If this is all a poster has to say, just say it in your head and move on.

What a horrible tone there is to this post. OP isn’t dictating anything, she’s just commenting on it on an anonymous forum.