Y6 teacher and death of parent

Another teacher here who recently lost a parent - absolutely don't go in, there is so much to do and feelings to process, you need time - if needs be get your GP to sign you off with stress for a few weeks. Take care.

I'm a TA, and my dad passed away in Feb this year, and I didn't return until a month after his death. Please don't think you need to return because this is happening, and that is happening because what I have learnt is that people will pull together to make sure things get done. I hope this helps x

And this is what’s wrong with primary teaching in the UK today.

OP take the time off. No one will truly thank you for going in. Family is more important than work.

The children will cope without you.

Don’t make it harder for other members of staff to take time off in similar circumstances by going in.

I’m glad you’ve decided to take the time. I’ve managed people who have come back too soon (despite my best efforts to persuade them not to) it was really counter-productive. They’d have been much better just getting signed off and taking the time.

For some people the ‘if rather the busy’ works. Others need time. There is no right or wrong re preference but trying to be in the first camp if you’re not ready or really mentally there is really difficult for the individual and also people around them.

@Readysteadygotoschool

I'm so sorry for your loss. Absolutely do not go into work. Prioritise yourself & your family - for as long as it takes.

I'm a yr6 teacher & I completely understand the 'teacher guilt' whenever we're off, but like a lovely Headteacher said, further up this thread, it's their job to manage the staffing issue - you can't be expected to worry about that right now.

If we're being honest, 'SATS week' is only really an hour or so of tests every morning Mon-Thurs & all the revision/practice papers etc have already taken place. Our kids often find it a bit of an anti-climax when the 'real' ones happen!

I'd let your Head know ASAP though, so at least they can have some time to arrange cover etc where necessary.

I am a teacher and would not want to work for a head who would be upset about this. You need to be boundaried and do what's right for you. (I have worked in Year 6 so I know what it's like.)

I'm so sorry for your loss. It is devastating to lose a parent. No one will bat an eyelid you need time off.

So sorry for your loss.

Ring/text your head now and explain what’s happened-that gives them the whole day to make a plan for the week.

Absolutely don’t go in. Look after yourself.

Take a week’s sick leave and during that time contact your GP. I just filled out the online form and said my mother died, and my boss thinks I’m not fit to go back yet. The funeral is on X and I hope I’ll be OK after that (absolutely true - I was in no position to judge, but boss was, having lost her father a year or two previously).

I just got a message back with a sick note to say I was advised not to work until X+1. Bereavement was on the note.

Be kind to yourself, in the way you would if it was your best friend or close colleague in this position.

Take the time off. This is the first scenario I’d think of where a week off with no apologies is needed. I would hope that any person would have compassion for a person who has lost their father and needs to take five days off work. You are clearly a conscientious, caring teacher and they are lucky to have you. But your own well being must come first here. So sorry for your loss.

First of all I am very sorry for your loss. I have put YRBU that you even consider going into work. At a time like this you are more important than your work. I was a ward manager and it would be unheard of that anyone come to work having lost a parent. Compassionate leave is irrelevant . If you ring your gp they will issue a sick note without having to see you. And this is because you will probably not be fit to work . I am very sorry that the kids won’t have their teacher but the school will sort something out and SATs are NOT important - take care and be kind to yourself

@Youcannotbeseriousreally

It's ridiculous on so many levels:

• there is no reason for op to feel any guilt
• if you're off work you're off work and there's a risk children and staff will think if someone's well enough to 'pop in' they're well enough to stay
• op will have to explain to everyone why they're not staying which would be awful when everything is still so raw and they've not had time to come to terms with things
• having got to work op might feel obliged to just stay.
• it's making more out of SATS than necessary. They should be kept low key. Kids don't need to feel they're so important that their teacher feels the need to come in and wish them well even though they've just lost a parent.

I’m also a headteacher and fully agree with this. Of course you shouldn’t be in school. Let your head know as soon as possible and they will then make arrangements to cover you. It will be fine. Look after yourself.

So sorry to hear about your dad. I had a very similar situation a few years ago (Year 6 teacher, my dad died about two weeks before SATs). My husband made the call to work for me as I was so upset - to my surprise, my (usually-quite-difficult) Head told me to take as much time as I needed.

Please take the time YOU need now. Teachers often work their fingers to the bone to the detriment of their own needs. Focus on what YOU need right now.

And if your HT does give you a hard time about it, I'd suggest looking for a new job once you're feeling a bit stronger. And reporting them to your union. That sort of behaviour is inhuman and completely unacceptable.

Sorry for your loss, OP. It’s time to look after yourself as your father’s child, and honour your father. Your grief and mourning speaks for itself 🙏

Not sure how to vote?
You are being entirely reasonable to take the time off.
You are being unreasonable if you don't take the time off.
They are Y6, it isn't that big a deal.
The school should be supportive of you.
Please take the time off, you are important.

My Head is a dreadful woman with little empathy for anyone and she would definitely not expect you in school this week. I'm so sorry for your loss.

You are going to be no good if you go in anyway, so it would actually be more beneficial for the kids if you weren’t there.

You cannot pour from an empty cup and you’re going to make yourself ill from trying.

If I was one of the parents or head teacher and found out you were in, then I would be driving you home myself.

Teaching is hard enough when dealing with the stresses of life but this is something else.

Please do not feel guilty about this.

I am so sorry for your loss 💐

If you were my DDs teacher I absolutely wouldn't mind if you weren't there for SATs week. Especially with a bereavement to grieve. You're obviously a wonderful teacher to be so worried about your class at a time like this. They're lucky to have you.

I'm so sorry foe your loss. I'm sure your dad was a good man considering the woman he raised.

I am so sorry for your loss.
I’m a HT who also lost their dad a few months ago.
Tell your HT you won’t be in and why. Then take the time you need. The hard work for exams is now done - the children will do you proud and be fine. Forget about any guilt - it’s not needed. Please put yourself first for once.
Take care - these next few months are going to be tough. Wishing you strength.

I’m so sorry for your loss. You need to take the time off. The school and children will not fall apart because you aren’t there. Lots of other teachers and staff can and will step in. I’m a governor at a primary school and we can be there for SATS to invigilate and supervise the opening of papers. You aren’t alone in making sure the SATS go to plan.

@eatdrinkandbemerry I think it maybe depends on your job.

But I don't think a teacher dealing with 30 kids can take the risk of going into work when her heads not fully in it. Or for some kid to drop their own heartbreaking news on her, like a dead goldfish.

My child is doing SATS next week. Of course I wouldn't feel you'd let the children or school down! I'm sorry for your loss. It is normal to need time to grieve.

Self cert for 7 days then ask GP for fit note re reactive stress for bereavement. School leadership teams are there and procedures kick in. It's a job not a lifestyle, as a fellow teacher I'd absolutely not put my job before the needs of myself and my own family. It took me a long time to work that out. I lost my DM a few days before an inspection, went back too soon and had a full blown breakdown 6 months later. Sending condolences, please look after your own needs. I always think now that if I dropped dead today there would be someone standing in my place tomorrow. The school should be able to manage this, stop worrying and let yourself come to terms with what's happening.

Kids will manage. School runs just fine without us!

STAY OFF and look after yourself!

I’m so sorry for your loss. Xx