Y6 teacher and death of parent

Hi @Readysteadygotoschool im so sorry for your loss. Please take time out from your grief. You will already have done all
you can for the students before their SATS by you not being there won’t make a difference to their results as they will have been prepared for it. Don’t worry about the head. He should be compassionate to your situation.

100% this

I'm a parent of a Y6 child and I can say that all the parents and staff at my DS' school would only be thinking of your wellbeing and supporting you at this difficult time. I'm really sorry for your loss, may your dad rest in peace. Please don't worry and take the time for yourself. The kids will be fine but the priority is YOU right now

My DC starts SAT's tomorrow and I'd be absolutely horrified to imagine his teacher being in this position.

The GP will know what to do when you speak tomorrow.

Keep well and sorry for your loss.

Im very sorry that a highly significant loss has occured. Do not minimize this.

In a weird way maybe this is a " good " time to have tome away from your job.

You have put in the hard graft and prepared your class as best you can.

Grief Works, Julia Samuel worth a look.

In the past few years I have been taken to hospital twice at zero notice and spent 6 nights the first time and 18 nights the second (for two unrelated conditions, X and Y, and not even Covid).

So in situations like the OP's, where I'm not sure if my reason for not doing something is "good enough" or I worry that might be letting people down, I think "Fuck it, I might have just had another X or Y and then I certainly wouldn't be doing it". I would certainly have no problem adding "Z: someone close to me died unexpectedly" to X and Y.

(I also find this a useful strategy when coping with a plane getting cancelled or really almost anything else that, in the scheme of things, doesn't matter.)

So to the OP: Say fuck it, something bad happened, and you are not skiving off by taking the time that you need. Someone will cover for you, and you can "pay it forward" when someone else needs it.

One of the stages of grief is "anxiety and depression" - perhaps you're there? Being worried about not going into work, is a symptom I think, as it's "obvious" you don't have to go in. Obviously not to you, as you're in a bad place iyswim.

Sorry for your loss x

OP children are robust and resilient. They will be fine. You on the other hand need to look after yourself and give yourself time to grieve. He was your dad and you need time to process his loss. If you went in next week the kids would know something was up anyway and they would worry. So much better to take some time sick to organise your thoughts and your dads funeral etc. I’m sorry for your loss ❤️

So sorry for your loss OP.

To even contemplate going in you must still be in shock, you need time.

Self certify this week and if you are still struggling next week (some people are comfortable in a supportive workplace and prefer to start getting back to normal quicker than others, everyone is different, there is no right or wrong) ask your Dr for a sick line.

I agree. It's entirely personal. Some people find work a helpful distraction when dealing with a bereavement; I know I did.

If you don't feel up to working, don't work. If you want to work, then work. No need for anyone to be horrified about what another adult actively chooses to do in these circumstances.

Sorry for your loss. I lost my dad 2 years ago and took 2 weeks off I just couldn't function or think about work. Don't go. Take time to process everything. Hugs!

I'm so sorry for your loss. I agree with this post though, do what you need to do. When my Dad died I had people at work telling me what I should do and that I shouldn't be in. It made it really hard as although I had time off, I also sometimes needed the routine of work, it helped me stay calm. What I would have appreciated more would have been if everyone had just trusted me to do what I needed, which actually was exactly what my boss at the time told me to do.

I'm so sorry you lost your dad @Readysteadygotoschool

When I lost my hubby, I'd just landed a 4 day contract. He died on a Tuesday and they needed the work a week later on the Friday. I called them, they said they'd find someone else. I told them I'd do it. I did and had a quick call on the Saturday. I then let the grief take over.

I did it because when you're self employed if you don't work, you don't get paid and I was in shock so thought the work would take me away from the deep grief I felt and it worked for me. You're maybe not in the same situ as I was and school can get a supplier in, only you can decide because only you know how you feel.

Big hugs xxx

If you don't feel up to going in, don't go in. You won't be letting the kids down. AT ALL. Any boss - including a headteacher - should be understanding. And if they aren't, then it's time to vote with your feet.

You've put all the work in already and your presence or absence this week won't make much difference at all.

You are replaceable at work; at home you're not.

Why? Everyone deals with grief in different ways. The fact you'd be horrified if an adult came to work is very odd.

I’ve taught Year 6 and I honestly don’t think most of the kids think the SATs are that big a deal. It matters much more to the adults.

The exams only take an hour or so each day.

School will be fine.

Sorry for your loss xxx

My child’s year 2 teacher lost her father and was off for half a term

If you are anything like my son's teacher you would have prepared the kids so well already...

Could you prep a short video that can be sent out to the kids (we have an app for homework) or a letter ?

You will be extremely stressed just now so please see the doctor and get a sick note for at least 2 weeks.

So sorry for your loss. Tell your head you need compassionate leave and explain why. If he is iffy contact your union. You can't run tests (SATs, I presume) when you feel so bad. In a while you will find that work helps, but not at this time. You HT ought to realise this _ he probably does and will be nice about it, you haven't yet given him the chance btw.

@Readysteadygotoschool

My condolences on your loss, OP.

Have you been able to contact the Head?

I would have thought that something could be put into place so that there is cover for you while you take off the time you need.

My mum died 18 months ago and I ended up being signed off sick for about a month. I’d called my dr to ask for some medication to help me sleep and he suggested being signed off work so I did. Tell the dr what’s happened and that you’re not feeling emotionally and mentally able to work, that you’re not able to take anymore compassionate leave, they shouldn’t refuse it x you may need to self certify for a few days though xxxx

If I was a kid in your class and found out that you'd still come in, I'd be so frustrated that you thought your mental health was less important than some tests, and so upset for you.

Please take time off. So sorry for your loss. xx

Some things (most things in my opinion) are more important than work.