Y6 teacher and death of parent

YES YOU ARE BEING EXCEPTIONALLY UNREASONABLE -- TO YOURSELF.
You need to grieve. Take the compassionate leave you are both entitled to and require. The children and parents will understand and support you. * *

I am very sorry that your Father died, very important that you take care of yourself.
You need to speak to the Head and have the time off that is right for you.
Your commitment to the pupils is great to hear; there will be other staff that can support

Hi OP. Sorry for your loss.
67 is relatively young I think, and so less expected even after a brief illness.
We had an quite elderly relative die recently, and even though expected and everyone was well prepared for it, it was still a blow for those very close to them at the time.
As for your Head. I'll be charitable, perhaps they were rushing and just wanted to signal that it was message received at the time, but otherwise, I completely agree with your reaction.
If its the latter, then its probably someone who has never been through this themselves and so just doesn't get it.
I get the impression when these things happen that some people think one is going to be at home sobbing all the time and that one should "man up" and get on with things.
But in fact, you are often dealing with shock, trying to come to terms with the realisation of what it means for the future, and grief as well, and one's head is so full of arrangements, letting others know what's happened, supporting others who were close to the person, and so on that there's very little headspace to deal with other things in that short space of time.
So please don't feel guilty about taking this time for yourself. Its normal to be allowed this time. You sound like a kind and thoughtful person, you've prepared your class during the last year. In a test situation, presumably they will all be occupied and need supervision, but not the same intensity as if they were doing actual lessons. Wishing you and your family all the best x

So sorry Readysteadygotoschool, it's absolutely shit loosing your Dad as it is and then to see such a lack of empathy from your Boss. Try if you can to be kind to yourself in regards to the exams, im willing to bet your Year 6's would be fully understanding of you not being there during their SATS and wouldn't hold it against you. Suspect they would actually be very caring and compassionate to you if they knew why you were on leave.
I hope im not overstepping here but would highly recommend asking your GP about bereavement counselling, obviously only if and when you feel ready for it. I found it immensely helpful when I lost my mum and sister as I also took on the responsibilities of funeral arrangements, dealing with wills etc for both. It was a godsend to have someone to physically talk to, who was non judgemental and who helped me so much with understanding/coping with my grief.

I completely agree ; you must grieve as much as you need and everyone is different. You will also be demonstrating how effective self-care is so important. The children will benefit from knowing this.

Look after your wellbeing,it's just a test ,sending love and good wishes

I've worked in schools for years and I understand the guilt feeling. It's a lottery as to how the SLT will deal with this kind of thing.
If you can't handle it take the time off for your own mental health and healing.
At the end of the day someone told me you are just a number. I was saddened to realise this fact eventually.
Teaching is a vocation and most teachers are fully committed to their students and the responsibilities.
So sorry for your loss.

So sorry for your loss. Losing a parent is one of the hardest things ever so please take the time off you need & don't give the school a second thought. You're not letting anyone down, there'll be someone who can cover for you. If your Head makes thing awkward then ignore them & focus on yourself. Sending hugs

@Nazzywish · 12/05/2024 00:42
Depends on how you deal with grief OP. I agree with others take time off if your not able to function and need it. But some people like to keep busy and don't want added factors to think of i.e. guilt compounding that grief so if you want to go in because that's what feels right to you then do so. But it really is a what's best for you situation. Sorry for your loss

This!! I’m so sorry for your loss x

Op did the HT respond immediately?

Could he have been in the car when the text came in, text via the car give a choice of about 12 standard phrases, mainly things like, "okay", "I'm on my way", "I'm running late" nothing remotely suitable for someone telling you about a bereavement.

What an awful response. I'd be going to the doctor and getting signed off if I were you. I appreciate that it's hard for schools to cover when teachers are off, but you're not going off with a cold, your father has just died. That's so unfeeling and unprofessional from your head. Way to show leadership and that you value your employees. People aren't robots and certain things in life are much more important than work. If there is any comeback from this contact your union rep immediately.

Stay home.

How can you give good support in these conditions? I am sure you are a great teacher but grief is hard. Take care of yourself.

Sorry for your loss.

You sound like a great teacher, that cares for the children you teach, but you can't give them what they need if you don't look after yourself first.

Take the time you need to process things and look after yourself now. If not you are likely to need even more time off in the long run.

If the head can't understand why you need to be off, I would question their empathy and understanding and whether they were in the right job.

I am sure any parent would understand the situation and why you aren't there. I would expect there will be a number of other staff, that the children are used to seeing and spending time with, that will be there, so the children will still have people they know to support them.

I took 2 months off work after I lost a parent. I just couldn't get myself out of the blackness for ages, it took a long time. But I'm glad I gave myself that time. My sibling did not and there's been a delayed grief reaction nearly 1 year later.

As for what to do with GP. All I did was call to say I needed a sick line as I'd lost my parent. A GP called me back later that day, asked a few questions then agreed to write me a line for 1 month. Line said 'grief reaction'. I called and got another month when that ran out. They were very compassionate.

Look after yourself and your mum. She'll need you the most over the next few weeks xxx

I'm so sorry for your loss. FWIW when my mum died I didn't take any time off work, keeping myself busy helped. But then 4 or 5 months later, I had a weeks holiday (already booked) and it all caught up with me. I turned into someone I didn't recognise, did stupid things, I gave up on myself. Take the time you need x

I'm so sorry your headteacher is such an insensitive twat. And im even more sorry you've lost your wonderful dad. Look after yourself

I had an early miscarriage. I could have gone in but my head insisted I take a week off.

It's amazing how much you're not needed sometimes. Take compassionate leave. Your students would be upset if you went in when you were feeling so sad x

Fellow Y6 teacher here 👋🏻
So very sorry for your loss, 67 is no age at all.
Please don't feel guilty, if you were my partner teacher I wouldn't for one second expect you in. In fact, I'd be cross/very worried if you did!! (My partner teacher has actually been really ill recently and even though it's 'SATs term' I was insisting they stay home until fully better). Despite what the 'big O' say, it really is just a week. I'd potentially be contacting union etc in advance if your head's text is anything to go by, as I'm concerned they're not going to be supportive in the coming weeks. Best wishes - it really is just a job (although I fully understand how all-consuming it can be!)

Sorry for your loss x
take the time with family x

I’m a teacher who went back the week after my mum’s funeral. I ended up then getting pneumonia and becoming very ill. Please allow yourself time to grieve - you won’t regret it. I’m sorry for your loss.

So sorry for your loss Op.
my DS is year 6 and I would 100% expect you to take the time off regardless of SATs. Some things are much more important.

So sorry for your loss.

Do not go in, that profession pedals itself on guilt …

Sorry for your loss. Do not go in. That’s what bereavement leave is for.
if your head is pissed off they are not a good head.

I speak as a retired teacher. Look at the bigger picture. You have lost your dad, and it is entirely right that you should be kind to yourself. Blind loyalty to your school and pupils rarely brings any long term rewards. The kids will survive. Your Head teacher will cope. Children live in the real world and need to see you as a human being, not just a teacher. They will probably be very sweet to you when you do return, and they will understand, especially if the situation is carefully handled. Look after yourself. It's my experience that you have to look after yourself, because nobody else can be relied upon to pick up the pieces if you go back to work too soon. Teaching is a work of heart, it's true, but sometimes you need to let your head rule your heart. That might seem harsh, but teaching is a tough job and you need to be fit to do it properly. Sending hugs. Xxxxx