To think partner's comment was unreasonably nasty??

I had a Brazilian friend whose English was good enough to do a professional job, and do it well. His vocabulary was excellent (he knew what a carapace was), but there were little things that he didn't get quite right. An example; shortly after his aunt died, he told me that he was 'cheesed off'. I asked him why - he said because his aunt was dead. I explained that this phrase means you're irritated, perhaps you missed your train - it's not for something as distressing as a death. For this reason, I'd give your partner the benefit of the doubt.

I think people who's first language is not English sometimes have an unfortunate 'turn of phrase'. An ex of mine who's first language wasn't English but spoke it pretty well,used to say to me 'What's wrong with you?' instead of 'What's the matter?' or 'Whats' wrong?'. Don't know about you,but I found 'What's wrong with you?' a bit rude!

He was abrupt, degrading, and callous.

It may be hiding other imilar traits which may come out in the future.

He only picked up cutlery for himself, he sounds selfish.

Another who is very surprised by some of the replies on here - seems like a complete overreaction to me!

I'm a native English speaker and work with languages. It should be absolutely fundamental common sense that if you're not working in your native tongue, you have to be extremely careful with jokes.

I can't imagine any scenario where this could be construed as 'funny' or 'light hearted.'

I'm also of the persuasion that those near and dear to you deserve even more respect than with strangers, and I'm unhappily surprised by the number of people in this thread who would brush off 'are you blind?' as just a harmless bit of joshing. At best it's catastrophically unfunny. At worst, in this situation I'd have turned on my heel and walked out.

Oh yes, and stow the 'aren't you overthinking it a bit?' and 'oooh, so no sense of humour then...' remarks.

It was uncalled for. You made a simple mistake not realising there was no need for a second set of cutlery. He needn't have said anything at all. It was just a knife and fork, that's all

I think I'd find it rude in sone contexts,but have a colleague who uses it in the "did you see I brought cutlery? " way, she is also from a different country (Eastern Europe if that helps)

It was unnecessary aggressive. I would tell him that some people talk to each other like that but you aren’t one of them and you don’t appreciate being spoken to like that. His foreignness may save his arse in this situation, if he was Brit, I would definitely be on alert.

I’m surprised many on this thread don’t think his comment was rude.

YANBU. I speak a few languages and ‘Are you blind?’ is rude in every single one.

The people telling you it’s fine wouldn’t like it if someone said it to them.

File it away and keep a look out for his other behaviour.

Where is he from? I am Spanish speaker and in my country this would not necessarily be considered rude, it would really depend more on "the way he said it" but can totally see why translated into English it sounds rude...

Is this the same guy you've posted about before? Autistic traits and high achiever and difficult.

It seems like you're both trying to make things work and force a relationship when you just aren't that compatible...You don't feel emotionally safe with him, he doesn't do a lot to reassure you.

Maybe you've finally got the ick.

I've had okish conversations with the guys I mentioned, and they can be charming and helpful.

But after a short period of time it's just draining and lonely feeling like you're fighting a battle of wits with someone who isn't really on your side, can't comprehend you have feelings and needs to obviously jump in and "correct" you even when it clearly doesn't matter.

(strongly suspect they both have ND traits...its not connected to culture or language.

They drive people away with their behaviour, but can't comprehend why and start explaining how they were just being "logical" and the other person was wrong).

Your feelings matter as much as anyone else's...even if everyone on the Internet said you were wrong, you're entitled to feel uncomfortable.

If you do think your childhood makes you sensitive, then why are you dating someone who is verbally aggressive? He can date someone equally brusque.

Same. Also had an abusive childhood

Incidentally I'm in a very international work environment (English is the working language) and there are some pretty unpleasant people who exploit the language gap to be passive-aggressive dicks.

Funnily enough all the weird comments and misunderstandings only come out when they work in their favour, or are with people they perceive as lower status.

You can tell the hostility from the tone - and then of course it's followed up with "oh, it was just a joke" or repeating "I do not understand what happened".

It's like they get a kick out of winding the other person up, then denying it.

(Two culprits for this - both European men. Both have ongoing issues with people refusing to work close to them).

Plus, if I accidentally said something offensive in another language...I'd be absolutely mortified and apologise and thank the other person for pointing it out...

I wouldn't say "oh, it's ok because I assume all people from your country can take it".

All about the tone

I have to say you don’t sound honeymoon-period-ish at all — with this incident and saying you’ve ’rubbed along together very well’. That’s the kind of thing people say about a team awayday with a difficult colleague that had gone better than expected. Are you not that into him?

YANBU.

Agree it's the normal - would he say this to a colleague he respected question? Or a high status person. Or a massive bloke who could beat him up.

If you don't think he would, there's your answer.

Funnily enough often these awkward critical remarks only slip out with certain people when they feel safe to attack.

Also.. thinking about the comment. There's no reason to come out with any comment at all?

People frequently collect too many or too few takeaway serviettes or similar.

(and either end up with random mustard on the table when no-one wants mustard, or extra cutlery or sachets of salt. And then someone has to run back and get something.

You're not charged for anything.

I have a slight disability so can't use certain cutlery easily, often there's a clean knife left there!).

Absolutely no reason to comment, in any language, unless he wanted to be nasty and lash out.

Even if you were silver service and eating with your fingers, the etiquette of eating out is to make the other person feel comfortable.

Also, yes to following the reaction of the woman observing. If she thought something was off it probably was.

Massive overreaction and you sound like hard work

If it was said with a smile on his face, it was clearly meant tongue in cheek. However, had he said it aggressively or been very serious when he said it, then that'd be rude.

I think it's probably a language barrier thing, he obviously thought it was a jokey comment as he was smiling when he said it. He wasn't actually rebuking you. It sounds like you're overly sensitive because of your childhood experiences.

Thank goodness, it was like a parallel universe on here. Someone even advised her to end the relationship. 😱

You need to learn to take a joke

Agree! Huge overreaction

'Unreasonably nasty'? Not even close to nasty, just a throw away comment.