Was husband really feeling rubbish?

Also this, in a nutshell 😂

He is a selfish manipulative prick.

There’s no point arguing about whether he was Iill or not today- you’ll go round in circles.

You both need to work together to parent and that includes you both having downtime, he can have a Saturday lie in, you on Sunday for example.

Make it clear you feel taken for granted as the main carer and you need things to be fairer. Decide on some ground rules.

Accusing him of feigning illness today won’t get to the crux of this. (although I think it’s highly bloody likely he was !) you’ll just end up arguing again.

Good luck- you sound knackered and at the end of your tether. 💗
Now the girls are in bed, relax , have a bath and get an early night. Don’t wait up for him x

Did you manage to have a nap when you asked him to watch the girls?

He does sound like he doesn't like the hard bits of family life, but that's not your problem. I mean who does? we just get on with it because we wanted our families

You’re a single married woman OP. I had one of these. Last 7 years of my life have been the best ones I’ve been single because I got rid of him and found my self respect. He sounds like another child.

This needs addressing! (calmly)

He should have been grateful you held the fort so he could rest today, not gas lighting you into feeling guilty.

Down time has to be fair. You need a day of resting/ sleeping or doing your own thing. ITS YOUR TURN!

Children are lovely but let’s face it, they’re hard work! There needs to be a fair split in the work load of family life.

If you can’t establish a fair division, then your (understandable) resentment will result in you losing all respect or attraction to your husband.

You ASKED if you could have a nap
mistake no 1, you TELL him you are having a nap !

he had an early night, a lie in and a nap !

so obiv you are having YOUR nap the minute he gets up from his.

and if your nap is 3 hours long so be it, he may have to start / do teatime himself...

'just plays on his PlayStation almost every night. '

Horrific man child

I find that repulsive.

Why did he get himself a wife and family if he still one's to be a spotty teen in his bedroom playing on his PlayStation?

That's a massive cringe.

You'd be better off getting rid of him and getting an au pair.

He is a lazy, selfish wanker

Don't be my sil.
She is stuck with a useless man child of a husband and her kids are now early to mid teens.They can't separate coz neither will move out.

Id of suddenly caught what he had and won't be able to get out of bed until at least mid day tomorrow and gives him bonding time with the kids

So if the DC wake up early, you can get dressed and take yourself off to the gym/ swimming pool /whatever takes your fancy. If you remain in the house you will be the default parent.
When you've done whatever it is you fancied doing, you can call him and tell him you are off to do the food shopping unencumbered,, and then meet a friend for coffee and take your own sweet time about it.
Suggest you meet him with the kids in the park for a picnic afterwards.
Then you'll feel more chilled about him having downtime later on in the day.

He's a prat, and you need to start leaving him alone with the DC to prepare for what every other weekend will be like when you leave him.

I’m sorry.
The only way to get him to pull his weight is to locate him tasks in the morning and at the weekend, so that if he doesn’t do them he can recognise that he’s slacking because you won’t pick up the slack on his agreed tasks. It might be for example he does one bedtime (which is what he should’ve done tonight) at the weekend, and two during the week. You could get up with the children for a little play, if you insist, and a cup of tea. And then he could get up and give them breakfast, while you go back to bed for snooze.
Of course you have ruined his life, you with his children- replacing his hot girlfriend with a mother. Some men just don’t see evolving into a family as beneficial to them.
Off out to his friend indeed after a day in bed- cheek of him!

Dear God what a pattern manipulative child
OP you are not the first women and won't be the last but he is treating you very badly

Now does he normally do bedtime on his own because your OP suggested that and that would be slightly redeeming.

Of course he may have been ill and then recovered.
I am more concerned about him playing PlayStation (is he 14?) And his comments about you ruining his life.
How dare he guilt trip you?? How dare he!

I feel like every woman who comes here to discuss behaviour of her husband should state in the very first sentence whether they are a gamer. That alone is probably enough of a factor to decide if the man is a completely worthless man-child. YANBU

The ruining his life comment has had exactly the desired effect. You're feeling bad about how you've behaved towards him and questioning yourself even though anyone can tell you you're not in the wrong.

He told you you're being manipulative because that's what he's doing.

He sounds like a shit partner and a shit parent. As PP said, do you really want this for the rest of your life?

He's not meant to "help" you with the children. He's meant to parent them. That means he's gets up early to them, feeds them, takes them out.

Seriously OP, don't let this be your life.

You are being used op. He's taking advantage of your good nature. Set your boundaries higher and if he doesn't want to meet them get rid of him.

I would have a long hard think about whether you want this to be your life going forward.

He's shown you he doesn't want to change.

I think the only thing you're BU about is not sticking up for yourself. You said fine about him going to his friends, but it wasn't really. You deserve rest too, so you could ask him to do the Sunday mornings from now on: wake him up when you hear the DCs and remind him he's doing that now.

In practice, though, I imagine he makes it hard for you to do this, so you do it all for a quiet life.

Tell him he sounds like a teenager when he says you're ruining his life. And you are not remotely attracted to teenagers.

Stop seeing this as a "you" failure, it's absolutely a him failure.

I would be telling him that he knows where the door is. That would be a deal breaker for me. I'd be wondering what he's up to.