Ex having new baby

I'm so sorry you're going through this.

YANBU, after going through years of infertility and MC's, being together for 14 years, then having your miracle baby, of course you would expect him to stay with you, to support you during the pregnancy, after the birth and him wanting to be a family. Whatever problems you were having, he should have tried harder to save your relationship.

I think he was leading you on if you were talking about having a second child after the birth of your baby while you were already separated.

In general, I think most men move on quickly, some don't want to be alone. I think now that he's having another baby, you're grieving the family you were meant to have together or talked about but now can't.

Unfortunately, you can't control his actions and you have no choice but to move on for the sake of your baby. He's not the good man you thought he was; otherwise, he wouldn't have left you pregnant with a so much wanted baby. You deserve better.

Op

I get it - it sucks. But it happened amd nothing will change that. What I do know though is the harder you stare at their life the longer you are going to be stuck in this rut

Look forward as that is the way you are going.

These things happen for a reason and whatever you believe from your side the truth is he just wasn’t the one for you.

Given the circumstances described it would not surprise me in the slightest if he was already seeing this woman hence your marriage falling to pieces

Well it’s true, it’s none of your business. But if think everyone will understand why you feel like you do. Don’t let this bring you down. Have you thought about meeting someone else? I was in a similar situation to you 15 years ago. I didn’t really get over it till I met someone else. Not saying that’s what you need, but it definitely helped. Not advising you jump into any kind of relationship by the way.. but make sure you’re doing things for you.

I can understand why you’re upset, most of us will be. But he is right that he’s got every right to move on. Who knows, his new relationship might not last either. Just focus on yourself and your DD

You are separated and he is in a new relationship. You aren’t happy I get that but there is no acceptable timeline.

The sex after you split has confused you possibly, made you think your hope of getting back together was possible, the new baby has shown you that it isn’t, and if it does turn out to be possible then I would vote he’s a dirt bag who will mess you around, he’s been quick to have another baby since the split, you wouldn’t need him doing the same to the other woman, coming back, confusing your child and you, and the wondering if he’s still sleeping with the other woman

Please don’t pity your child having the perfect family setup, if you are doing everything you can to give her a stable home with you, and her dad is a good dad, then she has all the love she needs, and as much as it’s not what you need or want, she is getting a new sibling soon too, if your ex’s new partner turns out to be a nice woman then in time your child may consider they have a bonus parent (stepmum) I know this is not what you want, but it’s what’s happened, and a step parent/bonus mum that loves your child too (if this is what happens) is an amazing thing

Does he not take yours and his child for weekends? He visits yours to see her? I’m not sure this is healthy for you tbh. It will give you false hopes. It’s obvious you haven’t moved on from him and that you are still very hurt from the breakup aswell as the new news of his new baby.

i second a pp asking if there was any intimacy/sex etc when he comes to see his child. Purely because he should t be there to see you, he should be having his child (unless supervision is needed) for weekends

I totally understand why you upset and yanbu to feel upset however yabu re him having another child with someone else. You not together and haven't been for some time. Sounds like you understandable very angry with him. Could you write everything you feel down then burn what you've written down. Please don't ever give him what you wrote down. Do you have anyone in real life you could talk too x

Because he was visiting his baby and supporting the mother of his baby not visiting you. Unless you going to drip feed that these visits involved more intimacy then you need to change your perception

I don't blame you for being upset. Don't text him again though as it's his life and he can do what he wants. You are better off without him anyway.

Just wanted to add to what I’ve said before, I’m not sure AIBU is actually the right place for this, I didn’t vote as as much as I think no don’t contact and he has the right to move on including a new baby, I couldn’t say op is being unreasonable, it’s a reaction out of hurt, not the right reaction, but not imo unreasonable, but I can’t vote that it’s reasonable to do either

Yanbu to feel however you feel.

yabu to question him about it as it’s none of your business.

feelings and actions aren’t the same so I feel one is reasonable and one isn’t.

I can understand while you'd feel hurt by this but YABU texting him about it. There's no words he could say that would make you feel any better about it or change the situation you're in. He's entitled to move on with his life and enjoy his new baby as he sees fit. No good can come from messaging him about it.

It’s really not your place to decide if it’s reasonable on unreasonable what your ex does with his life. I voted YABU, I completely understand you are hurt that he is now living with another woman and expecting but as he’s your ex, he is entitled to live his life however he chooses. You say he is a good dad and sees your child regularly so that’s what you need to focus on that yes whilst it’s sad you didn’t work out your daughter has a dad that loves her

It’s understandable that you feel hurt seeing him have the second child that you planned together but with someone else, and you don’t get to have that. However yabu to think that even though you’ve split up, he doesn’t have the right to move on and have children in his new relationship. I’m afraid your feelings don’t come into his plans now. I do think you need to try and move on from this.

It’s not a question of reasonable or not.

many people have 2 babies under 2. By your own admission you’d be pregnant now if he’d have stayed. You don’t know whether it’s an accident and he’s stood by her, or he’s realised how much he loves his daughter and wants a bigger family. It’s hurtful that’s not you, but better now than in two years when you’re left a single mum of two.

if you had met someone shortly after the split and been confident he was a keeper, would you have held off trying to get pregnant? Or if you’d have fallen accidentally would you have terminated because it’s unreasonable to have another baby when your first isn’t even 2?

it’s happened, he’s moved on and while it hurts, you have your miracle baby and it sounds like you do, or at least did, have a decent co-parenting relationship. Focus on that.

Yes exactly this, but as much as once he’s not with you it’s up to him what he does (so long as legal) and while technically he not done wrong, I do feel that it would have been kinder to you to have a talk “bubbles, I need to tell you I’m having a baby with another woman, can I start by saying I understand this may be a shock and hurt, please let me explain… I felt I needed to end our relationship because I couldn’t keep going for xyz reasons, this is not a reflection of anything you did wrong, I hope my new baby coming does not cause you hurt” etc, it maybe that he couldn’t cope with the upsets you had both suffered leading up to your little one being born, but he’s hurt you and that was obvious it was going to happen