Ex having new baby

Or if she dumped her baby daddy while pregnant, got with someone else then had a baby with her new man straight away

So much for equality eh

Completely get why you’re so hurt OP, am so sorry. I get what you mean when you say it feels like this woman and her baby now have the set up that you had envisioned for so long. But it’s worth remembering you’ve no idea what’s really going on- they could be all loved up and happy, but equally your ex may have been horrified when he found out she was pregnant, and have moved in with her because he can’t quite face another situation where he has a baby with someone he isn’t with. (This was the situation with a friend of mine’s ex).

If he was off having sex every time you had a break when you were in your relationship, then it probably stands to reason he’ll be doing this again before long- I do not envy this woman one little bit being with someone like him.

You and your baby are better off without him, and I know it hurts like hell now, but I think you’ll look back and be glad it’s her with him, not you. You WILL be happy again, it will get easier.

Oh he is, he’s another dad with multiple kids to multiple women in a short space of time, it’s not better or worse than women having kids with multiple dads in a short space of time. People in this day and age really should be finding out who their partners are before having children. And I do not direct this at op at all, she was with him for a lot of years before the child came along, I mean that I personally don’t agree with having kids with someone you barely know

I’d be devastated if I were you, I completely understand.

But this is not a good man. He left you when you were pregnant with his child after 14 years of being together. He left you to be a single parent and deal with all that shit alone. He might be a good father and pay for your daughter but he’s not the one for you. You deserve better, if anything you should feel sorry for this woman that when she’s at her most vulnerable he could pull the rug right under her feet. Plus he’s a dirty fucking dog who will likely be back on those dating sites, looks like he can’t stay away.

Don’t text him though, you have every right to be angry but kindly you need to leave it alone.

You aren't bu. You wanted a baby, when you were pregnant he then fucked off with someone e else and got her pregnant.

I have been through similar and let me tell you this; this is nothing to do with who you are and everything to do with the spineless prick he is. You are not replacable. Feel sorry for the woman stuck with him and be grateful he isn't in your life anymore.

@drusth , I completely agree with you

People would be calling OP irresponsible if she had another man’s baby when her baby is just 1.

I entirely understand your upset over this. It is, basically, disgusting - but some people seem to be able to compartmentalise things and move on with no thought for others.

I really hope you have support in real life - because nothing you say or do is going to change what he has done or who he is. You’re going to have to find a way to shift your focus away from this - but I appreciate that is easier said than done.

As for the partner, with his track record she’s very naive if she thinks it’s all going to be great with him.

If this was OP having another child with another man when her baby is just 1, I think she would be told she is massively unreasonable.

He wasn’t visiting you. He was visiting his child. He has made it clear to you that your relationship was over. He has a new family and he does not want a relationship with you. The timing of their pregnancy is none of your business. You say he is a good father but that is where your connection to him begins and ends. He’s your child’s father not your partner.
its time for you to stop thinking about what your EX has and concentrate on your own life

And by this I mean his purpose in your life ended up being just to father your child, he was not meant for you after, he’s not the person for you forever

You have to remind yourself that is proof he’s not your person, not meant for you at all

I've not thought about meeting someone else to be honest. My little one isn't even 2 yet, I want to concentrate on her and other things in my life before getting into a relationship”

I’d feel the same way, would want to concentrate of my child and give her a loving, stable home life.

Have to say though, sorry you’re hurting but from all you’ve written, honestly, you’re well shot of him. He sounds awful.

Op, I'm going to be very blunt. I appreciate it was a hard time and you're upset, but you have a choice to make. You can sit there and obsess about things you can't change and are none of your business, or you can choose to draw a line under it and move on because having a happy future with your child is more important. It's your choice. No amount of ranting and questioning his decisions is going to change anything.

@HereComesTheYellowTrain , I agree with you , years down the line , I can’t comprehend how my ex had an affair, when we had a 3 month old .

I do think it's weird he didn't tell you that your DD is going to have a half sibling?!

YANBU to be upset

But you weren’t together 🤷‍♀️

Trust me it takes time to get over this sort of hurt, different situation from yours, my ex and I were together 8years almost, we split when he told me he didn’t love me anymore, turns out he was screwing a friend of ours, we had an almost 3 year old and I had been wanting to have another baby before the split, he’d said no. They moved in together, got married just over a year later and had a baby together before they got married, for a while after the split I was so hurt, I reacted badly at times because of the hurt, I wanted him back (god knows why, he cheated on me)

a little over a year after we split I got together with a guy i knew for a long time, we were friends as primary school kids, we got pregnant a year ish later and now 11 years on we are getting married and have 4 kids together, you say you aren’t ready for anyone new and that is fine, don’t rush into things and try to be ready for something you aren’t. Allow yourself to hurt over this, but you need to find other things to occupy your mind. If the ex ends up having your daughter for weekends, try and fill that time with something fun, a hobby, time with friends/family etc. I filled my weekends when my ex had our daughter by going shopping, clubbing and seeing friends a lot in the early days, I’m not advocating for getting drunk, although I did it was more about the dancing and having me time while my daughter got to spend time with her dad

If this is the kind of man he is then you should be thanking your lucky stars that you’re not with him anymore. He may well end up treating his new wife/gf the same way so don’t feel too jealous of her.

They barely know each other and he's got a history of treating women - and children - shabbily. It's not the happy ever after anyone would want.

I am sad to say that I think you had a lot of delusional hope that he would do for his daughter what he wouldn’t do for you: return and be a family.

He has (minimally) accepted responsibility for her as a child. But he has deceived you , when he engaged in comfort sex, into thinking he would come back and prioritize his first family.

For you the “problem” part of the 14 year relationship was “solved” when your dd was born. For him, perhaps, the changes in the relationship during the period of infertility, the five miscarriages, the conflict, etc… may have been irreversible. He no longer wanted to be in this family with you. He no longer wanted this longed for child. He didn’t want wife with PND.

That’s harsh of him to do, snd harsh of me to say. And I fault him for having sex with you when he was not intending to (or should have known he would not) come back to you.

But he has moved out, on, away and he no longer shares your timeline. Look to your own life. Treat yourself well. Care for yourself and your little girl. You have this one life to live joyfully. Don’t waste it raging about how he got away or how he lives.

Am so sorry this happened to you. I cannot imagine the pain he has caused you. Especially after so many years together. I imagine you are still grieving the relationship and having him as a person to turn to. Which is why you messaged him saying how hurt you was. However you just cannot do that.

He is not someone who cares about your feelings. Else he wouldn't of gone about things the way he did. Offloading your hurt to him will achieve nothing but humiliating yourself to him and her. Along with other people. I expect they will share the information.

Am going to say something which is incredibly hard to do but even if you can achieve it 40% of the time to begin with you are on the road to letting his behaviour stop controlling your feelings.

Stop trying to understand why he did what he did and does what he does now. You will never find the answers or if you did understand them. His behaviour is not for you to analyse. The mental energy that goes into trying to understand why people who we thought loved us do things that cause immense pain is exhausting.

Say to yourself "I don't understand your actions and I won't allow them to consume my thoughts". Or something along those lines. Take a deep breath and go about your day.

Really recommend getting some therapy if that is possible xx

You poor thing, I totally understand why you feel so let down and betrayed. But this baby is not necessarily going to be a happy ending for him nor this new woman; I'd wager he will do the same thing to her that he has done to you. Please don't contact him again, for your own sake - he is never going to apologise for how he has treated you. Don't regret him as you wouldn't have your daughter without him - but don't pursue him. Block him on social media, etc so you don't look him up and make yourself miserable.

As for his new partner, she's a fool getting involved with a man who has only just had a baby with someone else, but she will I fear learn the hard way. You sound a fantastic parent - he sounds like someone who just can't be on his own, nor cover his dick. You and your daughter are much better off without him.

Take care of yourself. x