Ex having new baby

It does sound as though the real version of him is the not so nice side. I really personally dislike “going on a break” usually one person uses that as an excuse to start screwing other people and feels broken up. While the other sees it as space. It’s not healthy imo unless clear boundaries are discussed before the “break” I’m sorry he did this to you, as I’ve said before I do feel once you were definitely split it should have been courtesy to tell you about the new baby, and not just before they are born, your daughter is at the age where if nobody had told you. She would have been seeing her younger sibling for a while (so long as he maintains seeing her) and then suddenly she would have tried to tell you about her baby sister or brother, for a while it may not have been obvious. Then when her speech improves she will think you know and that’s when you found out. Shitty behaviour on his part to not tell you

Let it go, nothing u can do about it, he didn’t want to be with u, move on with yr life and u never know u could end up with someone u deserve, but going on about the past it won’t happen.

A baby is not always a special thing between two people. Unfortunately, for men a baby with a woman they love may be more important than a baby with a woman they don’t love. I think YABU for having these expectations of your ex.

He doesn’t owe you a thing. He doesn’t need to update you on his personal life. He pays child maintenance, thats all he really owes.

I get that, so you’re not over ‘it’. Not over how things have turned out.
Once you work through that and accept that life was never to be. Who knows what the future holds for you, but don’t let this man’s behaviour impact you negatively.

Sounds as though you are grieving the life you thought you would have

You aren’t over him, work on that.
He isn’t your responsibility and you have no control over him. Contacting him is wrong.
i agree his actions don’t make him seem like a great guy but that’s NOUB now.

Unfortunately too many people do have children too quickly and then it all goes fits up and they spend the rest of their life tied to their ex, for those of us who didn’t rush, you still spend the rest of your life tied to you ex if they turn out to be a twat

You can have feelings about your daughter having a new half sibling, that is normal.

However I think counselling to work through your feelings would be beneficial. You say he is a good dad but then insinuate that moving on and building his life is a bad thing. It isn't. Unfortunately your relationship ended, he moved on and is building his life, you need to build yours. And by building yours I don't mean a new relationship, but building yourself up so that you aren't so angry and resentful because it's affecting you and not him. You are upset at the rejection and what you imagined for the two of you which is now some other woman, that I do understand. But you need to take steps to move on.

YANBU to be upset, particularly when your journey to motherhood was so difficult. Sometimes life sucks.

YABU to message him and kick off about it. Once the two of you had split up, he could have got someone else pregnant the next day and it still wouldn't be your business.

surely you're sitting holding this tiny little baby that you have created with the person sitting in front of you, and your main thought is getting back on OLD to find a shag?

No, while he is holding his small baby he thinks about his small baby. When he leaves, he can think about whatever he likes, including dating other people than his recent ex.

How long a gap would be acceptable, @HereComesTheYellowTrain ?

So basically he's a shitbag, not a good partner nor a responsible father.

I really hope that one day you'll look back and see how much better off you are without him. Whether that's in a lovely new relationship or happily single. And I hope your DD sees right through him.

Try to find a smidge of pity for the other woman - he's a nasty cheat who lets women down and he'll likely do something similar to her.

Honestly, fuck him. No decent man would do what he has done. Having sex with you postpartum was callous - he's just a user. You deserve so much better.

I would also be totally enraged and have a hard time getting past this. I understand the feeling of impotent anger - it's terrible. I think you have to let yourself rage for a while and then slowly try to accept it, because there's nothing else to be done. It will get easier as time goes on. I would also try to get into a headspace where you're open to meeting someone else (you don't actually have to do it, this is just to help you move on mentally).

I understand that you’re feeling hurt and betrayed but you need to see him for what he is, rather than who you thought he was.

He’s a selfish man who shags around and treats women like dirt.

Do you honestly think he’ll stay faithful to his latest girlfriend? Not a chance!!

In your shoes, I’d feel eternally grateful that I wasn’t married to him. Definitely dodged a bullet there.

I completely understand why you feel so sad and angry. I also understand why you feel sad for your baby. However you are assuming that the new woman and baby are going to have a better time with him and a happy family life. I imagine that a few months or years down the line he will treat her in a similar way to you and it won’t all be so rosy.

Unfortunately, men get to just walk away. It's horrible. He's horrible. You're better off without such a man.

I feel sorry for the new poor woman but he's her problem now.

Focus on you and your wonderful daughter. Remind yourself how well you've done to get through it. He's a worthless piece of shit who doesn't deserve a second thought.

Yeah right. The new girlfriend clearly wanted to make her mark, securely snag her man and throw the cuckoo from the nest. Best way? Get pregnant 5 minutes after meeting new boyfriend.

Call me cynical....

People have the right to live their life
(they didn't choose) the way they want.
It's not a rose garden, I get it. You cannot stop your ex.
😁

She may know this, some women don’t care, they also think they will be the exception. He might have told her he left because of xyz that might not be true and then I doubt he said he was still sleeping with his ex

This

Honestly OP I don't know how his new girlfriend sleeps at night. How could you trust someone who abandons his long term partner with a new baby and uses her for sex when she's vulnerable?

She can't trust him as far as she can throw him. I would pity her.

I think your reply here shows how cruel and selfish this man is. To have sex with you, knowing how needy and vulnerable you were demonstrates his moral compass. It meant nothing, Wow.
That aside, I think you would be feeling less upset if he had told you himself that he and his partner were expecting a baby together, and I do understand why you feel this way, but he didn't.
He didn't because he just doesn't think that way.
He doesn't see you as anyone other than the mother of his child and because of that, he doesn't believe that he owed it to you to tell you about the pregnancy. It is possible that he didn't tell you himself because he may have thought that by telling you himself, you would think he still saw you as somebody other than the mother of his Daughter. I doubt it though, this man is selfish and inconsiderate.
I do understand how you feel. Many years ago, in another life I was in a fairly similar situation with a man I now think is a sociopath.
I found out his partner was pregnant from a friend of a friend of a friend. When the baby was born a "Congratulations on your New Baby" card was sent to my home by somebody who must have presumed I had moved out and his partner had moved in.
I wish you healing thoughts to get over this

@HereComesTheYellowTrain That really sucks- So sorry this happened to you and your daughter.

When my husband left , he was frantically trying to get pregnant with his new woman ( fertility clinic appointments) - and I too was like “ What the heck?”

However it never took, and that relationship foundered.

He does have a third marriage now with a daughter- it’s hard for the child from first relationship when they are old enough to see the new child has the advantages of a two parent family.

But that’s life.

I do feel empathy for you and your Daughter- As long as your Ex keeps regular contact with your daughter the damage can be reduced.